The truth shall set you free
by CCullen1978
Summary: Bella is back on vacation after six months at University. Edward hasn't seen her since she left, since he shattered her. But she doesn't return alone, bringing along her seemingly new boyfriend. Edward is devastated. Can he get through to her? Can he make her see that what he did was for her own good? That he never stopped loving her?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi Everyone! It feels so good to be back!**

 **So, here we go again. I have to first off tell you that as of right now this story has an open end.**

 **This chapter is a song interwoven with the present. The song is in italics and is Sometime Around Midnight by The Airborne Toxic Event.**

 **I love this song! I was driving yesterday whilst listening to it and the idea for this story just popped into my head. I mentally wrote the first chapter while driving and replaying the song. When I got home I typed the first chapter under half an hour and when my kids went to sleep I hand wrote another 24 pages.**

 **Even though the first chapter is EPOV, I think most of the rest will be Bella, although you never know, he might let us know how he's feeling now and again.**

 **So, without delaying you too much, hope you enjoy the first chapter.**

 **As always, the only thing that belongs to me is the way I play with SM's characters.**

EPOV

Emmett and Jasper insisted we come here tonight. The local pub. I don't want to be here. Too many memories. Too many memories of her. Of us. Stolen kisses in dark corners so Emmett can't see. He might be my best friend, but he's her brother too. We respected the fact that he really didn't want to see me grope his little sister every chance I got.

 _And it starts  
Sometime around midnight  
Or at least that's when you lose yourself  
For a minute or two  
_

I'm halfway to being drunk. I see her everywhere but she's nowhere to be found. I haven't seen her since she left for university six months ago but I do know she's due back any day for vacation. Maybe that's why I'm on edge more than usual, knowing I might be seeing her any day now.

 _As you stand  
Under the bar lights  
And the band plays some song about forgetting yourself for a while  
And the piano's this melancholy soundtrack to her smile  
And that white dress she's wearing, you haven't seen her  
For a while  
_

I hear a laugh off to the entrance and my body goes cold and hot all at once. I spin around so fast I almost lose my balance.

She's here. I see her, I hear her…and if I take a few steps forward I will feel her.

But I don't. I just watch.

She's attached to some macho russet skinned black haired big smile guy. His arm is around her waist at exactly the same spot mine used to be, her clingy white dress almost see through, but not quite.

They walk up to the bar and he leans over placing their orders. I see his lips moving but I don't have to look at them to know what she's drinking.

Gin and tonic.

She's scanning the bar, probably looking for Emmett. My heart beats faster every second her eyes move closer to where I'm standing.

And then she sees me. I don't move. Hell, I can't even breathe.

For a split second I see it…confusion…hurt…unmasked pain…and then it's gone.

Her smile is back and she takes the drink Mr. Macho offers her as her hand finds purchase on his hip. She takes a sip and stands on her tiptoes as he bends down, his mouth taking hers hard and fast, her hand coming up and gripping his short dark hair between her fingers, her body arching towards him.

 _But you know  
That she's watching  
She's laughing, she's turning  
She's holding her tonic like a cross  
The room suddenly spinning, she walks up and asks how you are  
So you can smell her perfume  
You can see her lying naked in your arms  
_

They break free but don't keep eye contact. Not like we used to. Kissing was like breathing to us, a necessity…a need.

He puts his drink down and whispers in her ear before taking his phone out of his pocket and heading out the door.

She doesn't hesitate. She walks over to me with purpose, that happy smile still there, although her eyes tell a different story.

"Edward," she greets as she leans over and kisses me lightly on my cheek.

I can smell her. I'd be surrounded by a million people with a blindfold and I'd still be able to find her.

Strawberries and…just Bella.

"You're early," I say, because I'm at a loss for words. I don't know what else to say. What do I say to the girl whose heart I broke and who I've been thinking about every fucking day since then?

"Yeah," she says, her eyes scanning the room again. "Jake managed to get off two days early."

Jake. Mr. Macho man has a name.

"Bella!"

We look behind her and see him back at the bar. She doesn't say goodbye, she just leaves me hanging, like she wasn't even talking to me, like I don't exist. She reaches him and his hands wrap around her waist, pulling her closer, his mouth finding hers again. She's into it, her body tells me so. I know her body like I know my own, maybe even better.

Does he know what it does to her when he kisses her just below her ear? When he breathes whispered words against her skin right there? Does he savor her kisses, does he memorize the taste of her tongue every time it strokes against his?

 _And so there's a change  
In your emotions  
And all of these memories come rushing like feral waves to your mind  
Of the curl of your bodies, like two perfect circles entwined  
And you feel hopeless, and homeless, and lost in the haze of the wine  
_

She shoves him away slightly and picks up her drink, downing it while she watches him like prey, like she's thinking about all the ways she's going to fuck him when they get home.

He downs his drink too and she takes hold of his hand, pulling him towards the exit. He's all for it, I can see by the bulge in his jeans. I'd like nothing more than to wipe that smirk off his face.

As she opens the door, just before she walks through, she throws a look my way. It's not a "sorry" look. Anything but. It's a "fuck you" look. It's a look I've never seen on her angelic face. The look of a woman who has been hurt by a stupid ass. By a guy like me.

I know what this is.

This is payback.

And man, does it fucking hurt.

 _Then she leaves  
With someone you don't know  
But she makes sure you saw her, she looks right at you and bolts  
As she walks out the door  
Your blood boiling, your stomach in ropes  
And then your friends say "What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost."  
_

My head is swimming with unwanted images as the door closes behind them and I feel faint.

Is she going to take him in the car? Too hot for him to wait? Quick and hard? Or is she going to take him home, take her time, make him believe that he's the only one?

"Edward," Emmett says on my side but I can't look away from the door. Looking to see if she'll change her mind…to see if she'll come back in. But somewhere deep inside I know she won't.

"Fuck, you look like you've seen a ghost," Jasper laughs drunkenly but I can't pay him any attention.

 _Then you walk  
Under the streetlights  
And you're too drunk to notice that everyone is staring at you  
You just don't care what you look like  
The world is falling around you  
_

I ignore their calls behind me as I make my way through the exit, the fresh night air knocking some sobriety into me. I look around in panic, in all consuming fear that she's already left, that I'm too late to stop her.

I rush past every parked car, peering through the windows, finding more than one couple in compromising positions.

When I'm out of breath and lost in the ache in my heart, I stumble back towards to my van, kicking a dent in the door before I can stop myself.

By now she's fucking someone's brains out.

Someone by the name of Jake.

Someone that isn't me.

The image of her wrapped around him is so painful it literally knocks me on my ass. I lean back against my truck, my head fitting perfectly in the new dent.

As perfectly as I used to fit in her.

 _You just have to see her  
You just have to see her  
You just have to see her  
You just have to see her  
You just have to see her_

You know that she'll break you in two

 **Review if you feel like it**

 **And if you don't….well, do it anyway ;-)**

 **Either way, they are always appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**From the alerts I received it seems the first chapter was well received and I thank everyone who put me on alert.**

 **Amberkey, glad you're on this ride with me once again.**

 **I always find at the beginning of a story there might be a chapter here and there that seems a bit "boring", if I can call it that. However, they are necessary to give a background to the characters and let you know where everyone's coming from.**

 **This time around Bella lets us into her head a little…**

BPOV

I walk out on the front porch with a glass of scotch and pull the blanket around me as I sit on the steps.

I light a cigarette and focus all my attention on the great expanse of the dark ocean stretching before me. I breathe the salty air into my lungs and hold it there for a few seconds.

God, I've missed this. Living my whole life with just one street between our home and the beach made it hard being in the city for six months.

No waves to lull me to sleep, no surfing as the sun rises.

Just a concrete jungle with too many faceless people and too much traffic.

Jake is fast asleep after giving me everything he had. And as usual, all he had was good enough. Yet no matter how good it was, it still isn't good enough to make me fall asleep afterwards.

I smile as I think of the big oaf in my bed. I briefly close my eyes as I remember his rock hard abs under my fingers, his tanned skin slipping against mine as we made love, his solid body rocking against me. Although he's one of the stars of our university's football team, he's not your typical jock. He doesn't fool around. He's been hurt enough watching his mom suffer because of his dad's many affairs over the years. He treats women with respect like it should be. He's waiting for the right one. When he meets her, he'll know. Or so he says. I haven't got the heart to tell him that sometimes who we think is the one, really isn't.

I found comfort in him. He makes me laugh, he looks after me. And I keep the girls at bay by making them believe he's my boyfriend. Fact is, we're just friends, best friends. Best friends with pretty good benefits.

We love each other, but not in that all-consuming way that we both know we can't live without. When one of us meets "the one", we'll still be friends. But right now, we have each other and right now, that's good enough for us.

I'm suddenly blinded by headlights as my brother's Jeep pulls up the driveway. When he sees me he can't get out of the car fast enough and I laugh as he fumbles with his seat belt.

We meet each other half way and his hug is solid and warm and before I know it I'm crying into his shoulder.

"Hey," he whispers. "What's wrong?"

I hold him tighter.

"I've just realized how much I've missed you," I whisper back.

He chuckles and holds me at arms' length.

"You look thin," he frowns as he turns me around. "You eating?"

I laugh as I wipe the tears and pull him to the stairs with me.

"You know how your first year is Em. Hectic class schedule, studying, parties, no sleep. But I promise I'm looking after myself."

I catch myself. I hate lying to Emmett.

"Well, that's a lie actually," I admit. "If Jake didn't force feed me breakfast and midnight studying snacks I'd probably be falling through my own ass."

I try to make light of it but his frown deepens.

"He sleeping?" he asks.

"Yeah. Not used to the fresh air. Pussy," I laugh but Emmett doesn't join in.

"He good to you?" he asks protectively and I smile at the tone in his voice.

"Yeah. He's a really good guy Emmett. He looks after me, you know? He's what I need right now."

He nods and I light a cigarette before taking a sip of scotch.

"Since when do you smoke and drink straight shots?" he asks disapprovingly.

I shrug.

"I took a drag one night at a party and liked it. I don't do it all the time," I answer defensively.

"And the scotch?"

I shrug again.

"Don't know. Helps me sleep."

I can feel his eyes on me so I look up at him and the worry in his eyes makes me feel guilty but I know he's waiting for an explanation.

"I can't sleep Em," I say softly. "Not since…you know…"

"Wanna talk about it?" he asks as he takes my hand in his.

"Not now, please. I feel like I might actually get to rest a bit tonight."

He sighs and gets up. I watch him walk to the door. He opens it but hesitates and turns around again.

"You didn't happen to come around the pub tonight looking for me, did you?"

"I did. I didn't see you so I left."

"Was Jake with you?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"That explains it."

"Explains what?"

"Edward," he says as he looks for any reaction on my part at hearing his name out loud.

I don't give it to him even though my heart is beating faster.

"I saw him, yes. Why, what happened?"

"Not sure. He seemed out of it when we came back from the pool tables. Didn't talk to us, just stumbled out the door. We found him later passed out against his truck; his head nestled in a newly acquired dent in his door. Jasper had to drive him home."

"What's that got to do with me?" I ask sarcastically. Why would Edward care whether I was here or not after what he did to me.

"Nothing, I guess. You're right; it's not your problem. Sweet dreams, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah…tomorrow," I call after him weakly as he walks inside.

I lock up and fill my glass again on the way to the bedroom.

As I get undressed I try to make sense of what Emmett told me. Why would Edward react that way to seeing me? Why would he care?

I can still smell him…the way he smelled as I kissed his cheek, remembering the vibration in my body from being close to him, the vibration he used to feel as well.

I shake my head, shaking the thoughts away. No, don't go down that road. He made it perfectly clear he didn't you anymore. Don't go making a fool of yourself.

I crawl into bed and down the scotch. I notice Jake watching me.

"What?" I ask as I lie down on my side facing him.

"I wish you wouldn't drink so much," he whispers into the dark. "It's gonna catch up to you sooner or later."

"Yeah, well," I start as I turn my back to him, pulling his arm around me. "Some of us don't have the luxury of peaceful sleep."

His arm hangs limply over me for a few more moments before his muscles contract and he pulls me snugly into his chest, holding me close…holding me together.

I lie awake, listening to his breathing even out, waiting for the scotch to do it's magic.

But it doesn't.

Not tonight.

Not with the smell of Edward still drifting around me.

 **So, at least you have a better understanding of her relationship with Jake. But as far as everyone else is concerned, he's her real boyfriend. Just so you know, I am all for HEA and we'll get there eventually, just know that there might be some J/B pieces you're not very fond of. I've never cared much for them myself but somehow this story so far is just writing itself so strap yourself in and hang on. Just know that in this fic, Jake is 100% genuine and a really nice guy.  
**

 **Update schedule: My longtime loyal ever dazzling followers know that I don't have a set schedule. I could update every day for two weeks and then have a week with nothing or it could be every couple of days, depends. I can't stick to a schedule because once I've finished a chapter I just can't hang onto it long enough to wait to post because of a schedule I made.**

 **Thoughts? Review if you want, it's always appreciated to know what everyone is thinking. But if you don't, please know that it still means the world to me that you're reading this.**


	3. Chapter 3

**You guys are amazing! Even though there haven't been many reviews, just the fact that you guys have put me on alert is really great.**

 **So, we're still with Bella and will be for a few chapters. Edward broke through my train of thought last night and demanded to be heard so he'll be talking to us soon enough, don't worry.**

 **You won't believe me but I was watching Eclipse last night while I was writing. It just had me fall into that space again with the whole triangle and how emotional that book was for me. My daughters had a good giggle at that and my one daughter absolutely loved it because she is totally Team Jacob. Watching any Twilight film in our house is a little like a boxing match, as is watching soccer and Formula 1 because everyone sort of has their favorites.**

 **This chapter didn't quite stop where I wanted it too but it would have run too long so sorry about that.**

 **Some interaction between Bella and Jake.**

BPOV

"Wake up sleepy head," I say as I straddle Jake, letting my wet hair drip onto his broad tanned chest.

"Bella," he moans before shoving me lightly off him and pulling the blanket over his head.

I laugh and pull it down again, earning me the cutest sleepy pout.

"What time is it?" he asks as he stretches and sits up.

Before I can answer he looks out the window and whistles as he sees the view for the first time in daylight.

"Man, that's one magnificent view. You weren't kidding."

"Told you so. Wanna take a shower while I help Rose with breakfast?"

He looks at me fully awake now and sees that I'm dressed and obviously been awake for a while. He looks at his watch and sees its only seven.

"I've been up since five," I answer before he can ask. "Went surfing and just showered before I woke you up."

"Why did you let me sleep?" he asks as he digs in his bag for his toiletries and a towel.

"I tried to wake you but you were sleeping like the dead. Even stuck my hand down your pants," I smirk, eyebrow lifted.

"Wow," he muses. "Well, we both know that's never happened before."

I giggle at the indignant frown between his warm brown eyes.

"Relax Jake. It's the sea air messing with you. By tomorrow you should be okay."

I turn to leave him to finish but he takes my hand from the back and turns me around again.

"And you? Did you get some sleep?" he asks, scrutinizing my face for the telltale signs he knows so well that tell him I was up all night.

He finds them because he sighs before I can answer.

"I think I managed an hour or two," I say softly.

He worries about me so much. Sometimes I wish I could lie to him so he didn't have to stress. But I can't, we've never lied to each other. Besides, he knows me too well.

"So, that was him last night."

I nod as I play with his fingers. He sees my reluctance to discuss this now.

"You know I'm here for you right?"

I look up then. Look into the eyes of the man that knows me inside out. That carries my pain with me. The friend that gets me through every day.

"I know Jake. It's just...seeing him was a shock, that's all. I'll be over it in no time."

"Don't pretend Bella," he admonishes softly. "We agreed to never do that."

"I'm not pretending Jake. I just think that if I tell myself enough times that I don't care, I'll start believing it."

"Okay," he says as he picks up his stuff and heads to the bathroom. "Now go make me a decent breakfast woman!" he shouts as he shuts the bathroom door.

I shake my head and laugh as I walk down the passage. Jake always knows how to put a smile on my face.

Rose is also freshly showered after our surf this morning and finishing off breakfast as I walk into the kitchen.

I love our house. The open plan kitchen flows easily to include our huge antique dining room table, which flows into the lounge with huge sliding doors opening up to the patio with its glorious view. It's not huge by any account, but it's big enough to offer space and small enough to be cozy.

This house holds so many happy memories. My dad, Charlie, bought this house after my mom died of an aggressive brain tumor when I was only seven months old. Emmett was three at the time.

Charlie raised us with the help of family friends. Being the Chief of Police for so many years meant everyone in our small town knew him well and was eager to assist wherever they could. He was a good man, the best. It was a huge shock when he suffered a heart attack while out fishing with Emmett and Edward three years ago. He had never been sick a day in his life.

Emmett left university after that to look after me. I hated myself even though I knew none of it was my fault. He was giving up his dream of becoming an architect to baby his little sister. He used his portion of the money Charlie had left us to buy two fishing boats. He found good crews to run them and now owns seven.

He earns a good living and ever since he laid eyes on Rose, he's been happier than ever. She loves him fiercely and we've grown so close she might as well have been my real sister.

Still, sometimes I wonder. I catch him doodling every now and then, his mind preoccupied by majestic mansions and seaside cottages.

"Penny for your thoughts," I hear Rose from the kitchen.

As I turn around Jake makes his appearance.

"A penny?" he jests as he walks up to Rose. "Those thoughts are at least worth two dollars."

"You must be Jake," she smiles as he hugs her briefly.

"And you must be the beautiful Rose I've heard so much about."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Emmett says as he walks in.

His smile is reserved as he shakes Jake's hand.

Rose hits Emmett on the arm playfully with a dish cloth.

"Don't listen to him," she says as she gestures for Jake to take a seat at the table. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

Breakfast is all talk. Emmett interrogates poor Jake to the point of irritation but Jake takes it in his stride and refuses to be intimidated. At the end of our meal, Emmett seems more relaxed and accepting of Jake and, dare I say it, seems to actually like him.

"Bella," Emmett says as Jake and I decide to take a walk to the beach. "You were only due to arrive tomorrow. We had invited Jasper, Alice and Edward for a barbeque tonight. Would you rather I cancel?"

"Why would you do that?" I ask.

"I don't want you or Jake to be uncomfortable, Bella. This is your home and Jake is our guest." He says it like it should be obvious.

"Emmett, we can't tiptoe around this issue all the time. Yes, Edward left me and yes, it hurt and yes, it was a bit weird seeing him last night. But it's over and done with and we can't change the past. I've missed Jasper and Alice as well and I can't wait to see them. Edward is part of the package Emmett; he's your best friend. Some or other time I'm going to see him so it might as well be now."

I turn around, irritation coursing through my body, evident in my voice. Jake follows behind me but at the last moment I turn around, pushing him aside as I walk closer to my brother again.

"He left me remember?" I shout at him, as if I need to remind him of what happened. "I didn't do anything to deserve the kind of pain he put me through…except maybe not be good enough," I rant.

Emmett's eyes fill with pity and I feel like physically attacking him when I feel Jake's hands on my shoulders. His warmth thaws the cold hard fist that has gripped my heart. I grab hold of his hands there with mine.

"I didn't do anything wrong," I repeat more calmly. "I don't have to hide. If anything, he should be glad that I've managed to move on after what he did to me. He owes me that much."

Our walk down the beach is a quiet one. Jake knows when to give me space. On the way back home he breaks the silence.

"Why are you lying to them? You know as well as I do that you still love him."

"And I'll keep lying to everyone except you. He's Emmett's best friend, whatever he did to me, I can't mess with that."

"Yeah, about that," he says as he looks down at me. "Don't you find it strange that your brother is still best friends with the guy who broke his sister's heart?"

I don't know," I say as we start walking again. "They've been best friends since I can remember. Maybe my brother never really approved of us being together. Maybe he was relieved when he left me."

I turn to him then, pulling his face down to me and kissing him, effectively ending the conversation.

"Now," I say breathless as I end the kiss. "What do you say we ditch the depression and let me show you a fun time?"

He chuckles as he starts walking again, my hand firmly held in his. He knows I'm diverting but he lets me be.

"Okay," he concedes. "Let's get this fun time on the road."

 **So, I know some of you are having a hard time with the J/B thing and I can assure you that you are going to want to strangle me sometimes, but remember, I don't believe in anything else but HEA so hang in there. Besides, my Jake is a really nice guy.**

 **Review? I'd really appreciate it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**So, first off let me say sorry to some that is having a hard time with the J/B thing. I don't want to say much because I don't like giving away too much, but it should be enough to say that I am a die-hard Edward fan and always will be. That should be enough to tell you where this story will eventually head. It isn't going to be an easy ride though, just saying.**

 **So let's see what happens with the fun filled day and the barbeque…**

Our fun day is filled with sightseeing the few things in our small town that there are to see. But seeing them with Jake, seeing it through his eyes makes me fall in love with this place all over again.

We run into Mike and Jessica, old high school friends and end up having a relaxing lunch with them in the only restaurant in town.

They fill me in on all the latest gossip and Jake laughs himself silly as Mike tells him about how my dad had to come and pick us up at the police station after his deputy pulled us over driving Mike's dad's car without a license at the age of thirteen.

I don't recall it being that funny. As I recall I was grounded for a month while Mike just got garden duty for a weekend.

I take Jake out for some surfing lessons on Emmett's board in the afternoon and he surprises me at how natural it seems to come to him.

When we get home Rose and Emmett are setting up outside and we have a lust fueled quickie as quietly as we can.

I let Jake shower first and by the time I get out he's nowhere to be seen and I hear Alice's tinkling laughter from outside.

I try not to think of Edward as I dress but I fail miserably. I don't have to hear his voice to know he's already here. I can feel him, just like I know he can feel me. I hurry, not wanting to leave Jake on his own for too long.

I walk down the passage preoccupied with my hair and find myself walking into Edward. I stumble, but he reaches out and steadies me.

"Sorry," I say softly, my heart beating in my throat. "Clumsy as usual."

I look into his eyes then, those green eyes that used to hold nothing but utter love and devotion when they looked at me. Now I can't figure out what I see in those stormy orbs.

"You're too thin," he comments softly. It's not a sarcastic remark, rather a worrisome one.

His one hand is still on my hip. He's too close for comfort, so I take a step back.

"Yeah, well, first year is tough. You should know that."

An uncomfortable silence follows. I step around him after a few seconds and start walking.

"Bella…"

I stop at my name falling from his perfect lips but I don't turn."

"We need to talk."

"No," I whisper, still not turning around. "No, we don't. You made it perfectly clear to me six months ago that you didn't want me anymore. There's nothing left to say."

I don't wait for him to answer me. Once I round the corner I steady myself, taking a few deep breaths and plaster the happiest smile on my face I can muster. It'll do. The only one that might see through it is Jake, but I'll deal with that later.

Alice hugs me surprisingly hard for her small frame and it feels like forever before she passes me onto Jasper. He lifts me up and twirls me around as I hold onto him laughing.

The evening turns out quite easy going. Everyone accepts Jake immediately and even Edward talks to him now and again, even though the conversations between them are highly strained.

I feel Edward's eyes on me almost constantly and try hard to ignore it. But despite my efforts, our eyes meet every now and again and I have to force myself to look away each time he tries to keep me locked onto him.

Jake feels my need for support and keeps me close, holding my hand, playing with my hair, letting me sit on his lap. I squeeze his hand now and again to thank him.

I offer to refill everyone's drinks after dinner and before Jake can offer to help, Edward is on his feet, taking a few glasses and walking ahead to the kitchen.

Jake shrugs and sits back down. "Call me if you need me," he says, winking at me before returning to his conversation with Jasper about some or other boring historical event.

I make my way to the kitchen and put the glasses down where Edward is busy.

"Jake seems like a nice guy," he remarks as he fills the glasses I put down with ice before grabbing a bottle of gin.

"Yeah, he's great," I answer absentmindedly as I watch his hands work. Those hands that used to do things to my body only he can.

I jump as he suddenly slams the bottle of gin down on the table.

"Do you love him?" he asks as he looks directly at me.

I'm so startled by his question and his apparent anger that I lose all ability to move my tongue.

"Do you love him?" he repeats louder than the first time and I glance towards the others. Even though all three men have left their seats, they stay outside.

I look back to Edward.

"I don't have to answer that question because it's none of your business," I answer through gritted teeth.

His eyes burn into mine and I can't look away, not this time.

"It's a simple fucking question Bella!" he shouts at me. "Why can't you answer me?"

"Because you don't get to ask me anything about my private life anymore Edward!" I shout right back. "You gave up that right, remember?"

I swear I see a moment of guilt, of hurt cross his beautiful features but he composes himself so fast I can't be sure.

I turn but he pulls me back and I'm so angry I shove at him, shove myself away from him so hard he stumbles.

"Don't _ever_ touch me again," I say calmly, not liking the feelings of violence churning within.

I turn again but I don't get far before his hand is on my arm again and one look to Jake is all he needs to walk our way.

"I believe I heard her say not to touch her," Jake says with a casual calm as he pulls me away from Edward and under his arm. I hold onto him, my mind reeling at the absurdity of what just happened. Why in the hell would Edward care whether I love Jake or not? Why is he so angry?

"Bella can speak for herself," Edward sneers at Jake, who remains cool and calm on the outside even though I can feel his body trembling with anger beneath my touch.

"No, she can't," Jake answers menacingly. "Not right now she can't."

Edward's laugh is sarcastic as he looks at Jake with hostility.

"So what? Now you think you're an expert on Bella? That after six months you know her better than me?"

"As a matter of fact, I do…" Jake starts but I start pulling at him.

"Come on Jake, it's not worth it."

He refuses to budge and pulls me back to his side again.

"No Bella," he says to me softly. "He needs to hear this."

"Well then," Edward says cockily, leaning against the kitchen counter. "Please, enlighten us as to why you assume you know Bella better than me."

A quick look over my shoulder tells me everyone has moved closer. Edward and Jasper look ready to jump in case this turns any uglier than what it already is.

"You see," Jake begins. "The Bella you knew is still in there somewhere and now and again I catch glimpses of her. Of her free spirit, of her strength. She's happy, loving, care free, like she should be. But mostly, mostly that Bella is hidden so deep I can't find her."

I watch Edward closely as Jake speaks, his cockiness turned down a notch, fading slowly.

"Someone hurt her. Hurt her badly. So badly in fact that she's terrified of letting anyone in. Do you know that she lost so much weight in three months she had to go and buy herself a whole new wardrobe? That I have to force her to eat at least breakfast on a daily basis?"

I hear Alice and Rose gasp behind me and notice that Edward's cockiness is now totally gone. He seems uncomfortable, like he wishes he was anywhere but here, caught like a deer in headlights by Jake's glare.

"She doesn't sleep. When she's not studying through the night she drinks neat whiskey until she can't see straight before failing into bed because she's terrified of the nightmares that has her waking to her own screams ringing in her ears. The same screams that had her beg me to move into an apartment with her because all the girls in the dorm think she's a freak."

Jake tries to step closer to Edward but I pull at him to stay put. I can't stop the tears at the pain lacing his voice as he speaks, the pain he feels when he sees me struggling to get through every day.

"Do you know what it feels like? To see someone you love so much go through that and there's not a damn thing you can do to make it better?"

Edward's eyes are still locked with Jake's. They're filled with defeat, with guilt. And…is that sadness?

"No," Jake sighs. "No, you don't know all those things because the Bella you knew…well; let's just say once upon a time someone made her believe she wasn't good enough to love. So excuse me if I believe that I know Bella better than you, because right now, I do."

Edward looks away then and just before Jake turns us around I swear I see a tear fall from his eye. I want to go to him, to ask him why he cries for me, but I don't.

"Emmett, Rosalie, I apologize for ruining the evening but I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from. If you don't mind, I think Bella's ready to call it a night," Jake says as he looks down at me.

I nod and bury my face in his chest as he says goodnight and leads me to my bedroom.

He takes my clothes off before pulling one of his shirts over my head and wraps me up in his warm strong arms as we lie down.

And he lets me cry as he rubs slow circles on my back, whispering to me to let it out, that he's here for me, that I'll find myself again, I just need to give it some time.

I fall asleep eventually. I must have still been crying because I can't remember stopping.

 **Hate me? Don't hate me? It's a slow burn this one…**

 **Reviews are always appreciated!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews, it's really appreciated! I love responding to them!**

 **Okay, so in the last chapter Edward was being a bit of a douche, however, there's always a reason for something so bear with me.**

 **Guest Review: ":What kind of brother stays open friends with the guy who devastated his sister? Very very disloyal Emmet. Shame on you." - - - Sorry I can't respond directly if you aren't logged in. Emmett is between a rock and a hard place, and ultimately, when the truth comes out; you'll see it isn't actually Edward that put him there in the first place ;-) But if you were pissed off with him at the end of Chapter 3, you're going to be even more pissed off after this…**

 **Okay, one…two…three….go!**

I wake up with my fist in my mouth, a scream stuck in my throat, my teeth piercing skin. I am drenched in sweat and shaking.

" _You're lying to me, Edward. Why are you lying to me?" I plead, my heart ripped wide open, my love for him bleeding, flowing through the cracks he's just opened between us._

 _He shrugs and looks out to sea. "I'm not lying Bella. I'm sorry this happened. I just don't love you that way anymore. I never meant for this to happen."_

" _Look at me," I tell him, the quiver in my voice unmistakable._

 _He doesn't respond._

" _Look at me Edward!" I say loudly as I put my hand to his cheek, forcing his face back so that his eyes meet mine._

 _I step back then, all hope lost, the blank, cold expression in his beautiful eyes hitting me like a fist in the gut, so hard that I almost fall._

 _It's true._

 _Everything he said to me is true, even if my mind can't accept it right now, even though my heart never will._

 _He doesn't love me anymore._

 _And just like that, the color drains from my world, replaced by a barren landscape of black and white…empty, unworthy…just like me._

I shake the dream from my head. I can't do this anymore. I'm so God damned tired. A glance at the clock tells me I've hardly been out for an hour.

I turn towards the safety of Jake only to find I'm alone. I sigh in relief that he wasn't here to witness this…again, just like he has so many times. He has to deal with so much when it comes to me, yet he never complains.

I get up to go look for him but half way down the passage I stop at the sound of voices.

"Fuck, is it really that bad?" I hear Emmett say. He sounds heartbroken.

"You have no idea," Jake says. "She still can't sleep. She…she's damaging herself and I feel so fucking helpless. She's stubborn, you should know that. But what's worse is the fact that she _wants_ to get better, as fucked up as that sounds. She tries, fuck; sometimes she tries so hard I have to beg her to stop because I can't stand the pretending. She can hide from other people, but she knows she can't hide from me. And now I worry even more. Her seeing him, his little show earlier tonight. I'm worried she's going to get worse again; not that she's gotten much better."

There's a few seconds silence and I almost move but then Jake speaks again.

"You know what I don't understand? His actions tonight. I mean, he left her right? So where does this jealousy come from? Why does he care whether she loves me or not?"

I hear Emmett sigh. "It's complicated."

"What's complicated?" Jake asks, irritated now.

"I…look, we shouldn't be discussing this."

Anger boils inside and I can't hide away any longer. I march into the kitchen where they're each standing with a beer.

Both of them startle at my entrance but only Jake sees the state I'm in; my hair stuck to the sweat on my face, the little blood on my hand where I bit myself.

"Shit…Bella," he says as he nears me, but I hold my hand up, letting him know to stay put.

I glare at my brother.

"So if you don't want to have this conversation with Jake, why not have it with me," I challenge him.

He looks down at his feet.

"Emmett, I'm talking to you!"

"This is a conversation you should be having with Edward," he says softly.

"I don't want to fucking talk to Edward! I want to talk to you!"

I walk closer to him, my heart in my hands. "Please Emmett," I whisper through tears. "You know something."

He shakes his head. "I can't Bella," he begs. "Please, stop asking."

I stare at my brother for the longest time. The man that took my fathers' place. The man who I thought would always put me first.

"You're choosing _him_ over _me_?" I ask hoarsely.

"No Bella," he snaps, angry at my accusation. "You know I'd never do that."

"But you just did," I answer sadly. "You just did."

I turn and go back to bed without another word.

After a few minutes Jake slides into bed behind me and I turn to him, pulling him closer, finding his lips in the darkness.

"Take it away Jake," I murmur around his mouth and his hands grip me tighter. "Please…" I beg just before his lips crash down on mine again.

And he does. For a while, he takes all that betrayal and pain and makes it his own. For a while, I'm me again…a wanted woman…a woman worthy of love.

Emotionally drained, I manage to fall asleep quickly, but not quick enough to forget what my brother did tonight.

oOo

After our morning surf, Rose and I sit on the beach watching other surfers take advantage of the awesome right hand break.

"So," I say as I finish telling her what happened with Emmett. "I don't know what to think anymore Rose. How can I ever trust him again?"

"Oh Bella. I don't know what to say. Except that I know your brother loves you more than anyone else Bella. You're everything to him. Whatever is going on, he must have a reason for not wanting to get involved. He would die for you Bella, you know that."

I sigh as I see a rookie surfer take a dive. Just drop it, I tell myself. Just make the most of your time here, go back to university and go back to normal. Well, as normal as you can.

"Karaoke tonight," Rose smiles my way. "Up for it?"

I smile back. "Of course," I laugh. "Have I ever said no to Karaoke?"

Jake and I take it easy for the rest of the day. He leaves with Emmett for a few hours to check the boats coming in and I manage some sleep on the couch before they get back.

We have a light early supper before getting ready.

Jake's wearing his faded blue jeans, the ones that hug every inch of his muscular thighs and does glorious things to his ass.

I'm standing staring at the clothes I brought with me.

"Need help?" Jake asks.

I nod. I just can't decide what to wear.

"Whatever you choose, you better choose well," I joke. "I'm going to have to fight off a lot of girls with you in those jeans."

He rolls his eyes as he pulls out my black skinny jeans and purple halter neck and tosses it at me.

"You carry on like I'm God's gift to women," he smirks as he grabs my black boots and puts them down in front of me as I dress.

"Oh Jake, you have no idea," I say seriously. I look up at him as I pull on my boots.

"One day you're going to make some lucky girl very, very happy." There's a hint of sadness in my voice that catches me off guard.

Bella," he says as he pulls me up and kisses my nose lightly. "You know you'll always be important to me right? If any girl I'm with isn't okay with that, well, then she isn't the one."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, I'm just feeling off. I'll be okay."

We drive separately in case someone wants to leave early.

It's busy when we get there and I introduce Jake to a few more old friends and we have a drink with Mike and Jessica before returning to Emmett and Rose.

I falter slightly when I see they've been joined by Jasper, Alice and Edward.

"Wanna sit somewhere else?" Jake asks as he holds me closer.

"No, I'll be okay. Just, don't leave me alone, okay?"

"Okay," he agrees and we plaster the perfect smiles on our faces that we've mastered by now.

I hug Alice and Jasper and it looks like Edward wants to hug me too but I step back into Jake's safe embrace.

I see that damn sadness flash in his eyes again.

I wasn't sure before but I am now.

I recognize it…I know because it's the same look I have in my eyes every time I look in the mirror.

And it confuses the hell out of me.

 **Review? All of them are appreciated more than I can say. But if you don't, thank you for honoring me by reading my little project.**

 **Confused? Angry? 'Cause if I was reading right now, I'd be confused as hell…lol, and I was when I was writing it!**


	6. Chapter 6

My husband passed away on Sunday. I am devastated and so are my children. We didn't have funeral cover because he lost his job due to being hospitalised last year and he has been sick ever since so hou can imagine while trying to grieve and having three small children that need me, i am running around trying to find money to have a proper burial.

I promise to not

make you wait too long as chapters have been written in advance, but I do beg your understanding during this time.

love

cindy


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm not going to get all depressed but I just wanted to thank everyone for your concern for me over the last few weeks. It's been a tough ride and it's nowhere near over…losing someone you love like this is not something you get over in the blink of an eye. I miss him so much, I see him everywhere and I wish every damn second of every day this is some sick joke and when I get home he'll be there waiting. If I didn't have the kids to be strong for, I don't know what I would have done. Anyway, let me stop right there otherwise I'll carry on forever. I just wanted to say thank you and every single message is carried in my heart.**

 **So, let's see what the gang has in store for us today…**

The evening kicks off with a bang.

Rose and Emmett sing Islands in the Stream as usual and I find myself relaxing as I watch them. As usual they only have eyes for each other.

Jake surprises everyone with his voice when he starts singing Lionel Ritchie's Hello. Emmett pulls Rose in for a slow dance followed by Jasper and Alice.

I'm acutely aware that Edward and I are alone as I keep my focus on Jake.

"I'm sorry for last night," I hear him say but I don't look at him.

"Forget it," I say, trying to act never minded.

He's quiet again for a while before he speaks again.

"It's just hard," he says and this time I look at him. I almost lose myself in the blatant pain in his green eyes.

"Why? Why is it hard Edward?" I ask.

"I don't know," he says as he looks over to Jake. "It's hard seeing you with him. I want to hate him so fucking badly, but I can't. How can I when I know he makes you happy, when he looks after you?"

What the fuck?

I skip my chair, moving closer to him, so close that if I just reach out my hand, I can touch the memories hanging between us.

"I don't understand Edward. You left me. You made it clear to me that you didn't love me anymore. You told me in the long run I wouldn't be what you needed, that we'd grown apart."

My voice was urgent, begging for the truth.

"I know you're hiding something from me. You and Emmett both. Please Edward, if you can't give me anything else, at least give me the truth."

He leans closer, pain etching his beautiful features. This is it, he's caving. He's going to tell me.

But then he hesitates. I watch his eyes change from sad to steely determination, the color of his irises darkening a few shades. His jaw sets and he sits back in his chair, taking his drink in his hand.

"It is what it is Bella," he says as Jake sings his last words. "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression there's more to it."

I gape at him, at his sudden iciness, his dismissal of me breaking every single stitch I've carefully sewn to keep my torn heart together.

"Was that good, or was that good?" Jake praises himself as he sits down next to me.

He breaks the spell I'm in and somewhere deep inside I muster up the courage to give him my brightest smile as I pull him closer by his collar and plant a kiss on his full lips.

"Yeah Jake," I laugh at him. "You know it was good. Want a badge?" I tease.

As everyone returns to the table and start chatting I stew with the fact that Edward Cullen is a fucking asshole. I anger myself even more with the fact that I am still very much in love with said asshole.

The DJ calls my name and I get up.

"You doing Carrie Underwood?" Jake asks and I nod at him.

"She fucking aces this song," I hear him say to the others as I walk away.

And tonight, tonight, I'm going to ace it like never before. Fuck that. Fuck Edward. And fuck whoever doesn't like it.

Tonight I am dedicating this song to Edward.

As the music starts I look over to our table with the sweetest of smiles.

"Edward, this one's especially for you," I say before I blow him a kiss. I know I'm being so childish right now but I don't care.

 _Should've known by the way you pass me by  
There was something in your eyes  
And it wasn't right  
I should've walked but I never had the chance  
Everything got out of hand and I let it slide  
Now I only have myself to blame  
For falling for your stupid games  
I wish my life could be the way it was before I saw your face_

 _You stole my happy  
You made me cry  
You took the lonely and took me for a ride  
And I wanna un un un un undo it  
You had my heart now I want it back  
I'm starting to see everything you lack  
Boy you blew it  
You put me through it  
I wanna un un un un undo it  
_

My eyes never leave his as I throw every word at him. He's stunned…and hurt.

 _Now your photos don't have a picture frame  
And I never say your name and I never will  
And all your things well I threw them in the trash  
And I'm not even sad  
Now you only have yourself to blame  
For playing all those stupid games  
You're always gonna be the same  
Oh no you'll never change_

I slowly make my way down stage as I sing, sauntering over to our table until I'm right in front of him. He's trying to look away but I won't let him, keeping him hypnotized.

 _You want my future you can't have it  
Still trying to erase you from my past  
I need you gone so fast_

I wink at Jake as I turn and go back to stage.

 _You stole my happy  
You made me cry  
You took the lonely and took me for a ride  
And I wanna un un un un undo it  
You had my heart now I want it back  
I'm starting to see everything you lack  
Boy you blew it  
You put me through it  
I wanna un un un un undo it_

 _You stole my happy  
You made me cry  
You took the lonely and took me for a ride  
Boy you blew it  
You put me through it  
I wanna un un un un undo it_

Cheers erupt all around as I finish as Rose gives me a thumbs up and gets up to applaud.

I walk off stage feeling like I'm on top of the world. Vindicated, avenged. Jake gets up us I approach and I pull him down to me, kissing him with the energy and passion emanating from my every pore.

Emmett's livid voice breaks through my moment of bliss.

"Was that really necessary Bella?" he asks.

I'm on a high and I refuse to be brought down.

"Did you ask Edward that same question the day he broke me?" I ask as I look from him to Edward and back.

They have the decency to look ashamed.

"No," I answer for him. "I didn't think so. Now, if you'll excuse us, I'm sure Jake and I can find a better way to entertain ourselves than spending the evening with my ex and his partner in crime."

I start pulling Jake behind me when I hear Edward's voice.

"Bella, don't do this, please," he best and I spin around, angry as hell.

"Don't do what Edward? Spend the night with my boyfriend? Listen to how he tells me how amazing I am? Make love to him? What exactly is it that you don't want me to do?" I almost shout at him.

He stares at me for the longest while before sitting down again without saying a word.

"Yeah, that's right. Say nothing. You and Emmett seem to be good at that."

I head for the door, Jake beside me, Edward left behind.

 **So…love me…hate me?**

 **The next chapter is really bumpy so be warned…**

 **Reviews are loved, but you are loved more for just reading this.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, this chapter might be hard for die hard E/B fans. Just remember I'm one too and I promised a HAE. Plus Edward lets us in again a little way down… So if you'd rather not read the first part, skip to E POV...  
**

B POV

I attack Jake the second we're through the front door.

I push him to the couch, straddling him while at the same time pulling off my top.

His hands grab my breast eagerly and I throw my head back, moaning as his fingers pinch my nipples just like he knows I like it.

I'm impatient and he chuckles as I pull him up, ridding us of our clothes before straddling him again.

His fingers are in my hair, holding me close as his tongue traces a line from my lips to my ear.

"Emmett…" he tries to remind me.

"Won't be coming home soon. It's still early," I mumble in his neck, tasting the taste of Jake on my tongue. It's a deep woodsy smell, and it's intoxicating.

He lifts me and when I come down he's inside of me. he's so hot, his skin burning mine and I'm once again reminded of how bright he shines for me, how his warmth has pulled me so many times from the frozen despair I have found myself in.

His hands pull my face to him, his eyes locked on mine.

"You with me Bella?" he whispers. "You seemed lost for a moment. I won't do this if…"

I push my finger against his lips the same moment I start moving my hips and I watch him closely, the way his eyes lose focus at the feel of me wrapped around him.

"I was thinking about you," I say honestly and his hands move down my hips, pulling me harder against him.

"About how you're always warming me up, like you're my sun," I whisper against his lips.

His one hand comes up to cup my breast and our mouths kiss and nip, my arms around his neck.

It's not long before I start grinding against him, harder, faster. I can feel that familiar ache starting to spread from my stomach to the rest of my body. I bite my bottom lip as I start trembling and Jake pulls at my chin with his thumb just before I crash. He's seen me draw blood one too many times.

"Jake…" I moan breathlessly as I give myself over to the pleasure that travels through my body, filling every inch of me.

"You're so God damned beautiful," Jake groans just before he grips me to him, his breath caught in his throat as he loses it with me.

This feeling, this feeling I get right here when he comes is the one I crave more than my own pleasure. It makes me feel special, like I must mean something if I can make him feel like this.

E POV

I down my drink as I watch Bella leave with Jake.

"Fuck," I curse aloud as I run my hand through my hair.

"Edward, you need to tell her," Jasper murmurs.

"You know I can't do that," I state the obvious.

"So what? You're just going to be miserable without her for the rest of your life?" he asks incredulously.

"Yes," I answer stubbornly.

"And her?" Alice asks. "Does her happiness not mean anything to you?"

Everyone jumps as my fist hits the table. I point towards the door, my glare fixed on Alice.

"Did you not just see the exit I saw?" I ask angrily. "Did you not see the way she just kissed him, the way she looked at him? Does she look unhappy to you?"

"You know Edward, for someone as bright as yourself, you sure can be really fucking stupid," she shouts at me as she gets up and grabs her coat off the chair.

She looks over at Emmett.

"And you," she accuses. "You're her brother Emmett. The man she trusts the most. Are you just going to allow this madness to continue?"

"What would you have me do Alice?" he asks desperately. "A decision was made and it's not my place to interfere."

"But you agreed to that decision!" she cries. "By the time the two of you told us, the damage had already been done."

Tears are streaming down her face as Jasper gets his coat too, standing tall next to her, supporting her like he should.

She shakes her head sadly, looking back at me.

"I don't know if I can keep this up anymore. Was I the only one there when Jake described what she went through? What she's still going through?"

She waits for me to answer but I look away. I can't do this with her right now.

"You're a fucking coward Edward Cullen," she spits and then she looks over at Emmett. "And so are you."

As her and Jasper walk away Rose gets up and I look at her for the first time, her face red and blotchy from crying too.

"Hey Alice, Jazz, wait up. I need a place to crash," she calls and they pause to wait for her.

"Rosalie," Emmett please, reaching for her.

"No Emmett. Alice is right. You two made a choice that has forced the rest of us to lie to someone we love very much. Fix it," she says, glancing my way too. "Fix it, or I will."

We watch Rose take her leave with Alice and Jasper and when I look over at Emmett my heart breaks for my best friend.

"What are we going to do Edward?" he asks.

"We let it play out Em. There's nothing else we can do."

"The truth?" he throws my way cautiously.

"It's gone too far," I say wearily, tired to the bone. "He can make her happy, he already does. Someday this will all just be a bad memory to her; he'll make sure of that."

"And you?"

"I'll be okay. For her sake, I have to be. Besides, we made a promise to Charlie. While he was dying," I remind him. "That's gotta mean something."

He nods sadly at the memory.

We don't say anything for a while until he sighs and gets up.

"I'm gonna head over to Jasper's place. See how I can fix this thing with Rose…if I can," he adds.

"She loves you Emmett," I encourage him. "She'll eventually see this was for the best."

But as he walks out, I know that might not be the case. Both Rosalie and Alice are at break point and Jasper is 100% behind them.

Fuck, I wish this vacation was over already, that it hadn't just begun.

A moment of insanity has me recall how our body's fit each other. How I know deep down inside that I will never be complete without her. I have hidden these memories so deep they almost knock my breath away at the speed they hit my aching heart.

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm up, grabbing my coat and car keys and running for the door.

 **Okay, so this chapter is a little shorter but it needs to cut here.**

 **I'm thinking everyone kind of like hates me right now…lol.**

 **Review? Always appreciated. Love you more just cause you're reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi All. I'm still getting such lovely words of encouragement and love and I just wanted to thank you again. My two girls are starting therapy next week, they're not coping very well and then I'm looking for a psychologist for my 4 year old son as he was with Daddy when he fell down in the bathroom.**

 **And then I had to explain to him that Jesus needed his daddy because he was big and strong and he needed a strong angel to look after people but that he would come visit him in his dreams. A few days ago he says to me that his daddy visited him in his dreams and he asked me if he is very fast at the moment. So I said I suppose so because he has big beautiful angel wings. So he said his daddy said to him he had to leave and he tried to run after him but when he got to the gate he was already gone. And shit, just like that the little bit of self-preservation I had built up since everything happened just crashed around me again.**

 **Anyway, thanks for letting me talk about this and understanding, it really helps me deal with it all.**

 **Okay, some of you are very upset about the previous chapter…lol…crap, I wonder how you're going to feel after this one. Just remember all will be well eventually…**

 **Song – Jeff Buckley, Hallelujah**

EPOV

 _Fuck, what am I doing here?_ I ask myself as I park at the beach lot a few houses down from Bella. _Why do I torture myself like this?_

She probably won't even speak to me.

I sneak like a thief in the night, jumping the low white fence, landing lightly on my feet.

I know she can't sleep. But I also know he can. And I pray that is exactly what he's doing as I tiptoe up the steps to the front door.

I'm about to knock when I see movement through a slit in the drawn curtains.

I peer inside and shut my eyes immediately, wishing I hadn't seen what I just saw.

My body starts shaking violently and I don't want to fucking look again. But why, oh why then do I?

Her dark hair cascades down her naked body as she sits astride him, their bodies covered in sweat. She's in charge, hard and fast and just before I turn in shame I see her body stiffen as she calls his name.

My legs give way as I jump the fence. I fall. _You fucking idiot!_ I shout in my head. _Why did you have to fucking come here? Why didn't you look away?!_

I get up as best I can and stumble back to my truck, yanking the door open and pulling out a bottle of vodka I bought the day before. I don't hesitate as I unscrew the top and take a stiff gulp followed by a few more.

I turn my stereo up and walk the few steps onto the cold beach sand.

 _Well I heard there was a secret chord_

 _That David played when he pleased the Lord_

 _But you don't really care for music, do you?_

 _Well it goes like this_

 _The fourth, the fifth_

 _The minor fall and the major lift_

 _The baffled king composing Hallelujah_

"Fuck!" I scream out loud, screaming into the night. I take another swig of the bottle as I claw at my hair, trying to claw the vivid images of them from my memory.

 _Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah_

 _Well your faith was strong but you needed proof_

 _You saw her bathing on the roof_

 _Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you_

 _She tied you to her kitchen chair_

 _She broke your throne and she cut your hair_

 _And from your lips she drew the hallelujah_

I'm losing it. I'm fucking losing it. My entire being is on edge, shaken to my core.

Her flawless body moving against his.

"Aaaaaah!"

 _There was a time when you let me know_

 _What's really going on below_

 _But now you never show that to me do you?_

 _But remember when I moved in you_

 _And the holy dove was moving too_

 _And every breath we drew was hallelujah_

I fall to my knees on the sand.

"Oh Bella," I whisper.

I did this. This is my fault. Did I really expect her to wait for me after I threw her away like she was nothing? Like she wasn't the air I breathed?

His hands gripping her hips. His name falling from her lips.

I groan as the images keep replaying in my head. How will I ever unsee this?

 _Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah_

"Edward?"

I garble a maniacal laugh. I can even hear her voice.

"Edward." More forceful.

I turn and through the vodka haze I see her. Like an apparition she stands draped in a white shawl billowing around her.

I get up and almost fall over my own drunken feet as I stagger towards her.

She takes a few steps back when she sees the state I'm in and I stop. I don't want to frighten her.

 _God, please_ , I silently pray, maker her stay. _Make her stay with me._

 _Maybe there's a God above_

 _But all I've ever learned from love_

 _Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you_

 _And it's not a cry that you hear at night_

 _And not somebody who's seen the light_

 _It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_

"You're here," I whisper, drunken tears running down my face.

 _Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah_

 **A little short, sorry about that but Bella's up next and if I start her here it just goes on way too long. You hate me now…but it won't be too long till you love me again, I promise.**

 **Have a great weekend everyone!**


	10. Chapter 10

**I think I might have missed a reply here or there to reviews, I will go through them and check, if you are one of them, I truly do apologize, I think everyone knows I faithfully reply to all reviews.**

 **I'm a bit bogged down with work, my CEO is leaving for New Zealand on Saturday and I have a mountain of things I need to do for him, so I'll let you get to it…**

B POV

"You're drunk," I observe softly.

He laughs sarcastically.

"Yeah, well, how do you expect me to be after seeing you fuck him like you did?" he slurs angrily.

I gasp, taking another step back at his words. Oh God, no, he saw us. I want to cry with him, but my anger overrides it.

"You _watched_ us?!" I shout at him. "You…you're…I don't know you anymore."

"You don't know _me_?" he asks, seeming flabbergasted at my statement. "I've been alone every single moment of every day since you left and _you_ don't know _me_?"

I throw my hands up in the air.

"Why would you be alone, Edward?" Why would you care who I'm fucking?" I ask exasperated.

He gets in my face so fast I stumble back but he keeps me from falling once again.

"Because!" he shouts as his hands hold onto my arms too tightly.

"Because why, Edward!"

We're face to face, both of us breathless, both enraged.

He's so close, if I just lean a little closer his lips will be on mine. Even through my ire I can still appreciate the magnificent man that is Edward standing before me. And suddenly my breathlessness has nothing to do with exertion.

"Because I was your first Bella," he whispers now, his eyes seeking out mine and our gazes lock. "Because I'm the only one that knows where to touch you so you lose your breathe," he continues as his left hand comes up and caresses my cheek, his fingers brushing at that spot just below my ear and I close my eyes, my body in sensory overdrive.

"Because I'm the only one that knows your body so well we need no words to guide us."

His right hand lets go of my arm and wraps around my waist, pulling me closer.

"Because no one knows how to kiss you like me."

And then, before I can comprehend, he leans in and his lips meet mine.

No, this isn't right, I tell myself. What does he want from me? A fling before I leave again? One last roll in the hay? To finally break me beyond repair?

I try to push him away but his arms band around me, holding me to him. I've waited so long for this and now all I want is to get away from him.

The vodka on his breath makes me feel nauseous and as I'm struggling I start feeling faint, but just as the darkness appears around the edges of my reason I feel warm hands replacing the cold ones as I'm ripped from Edward's grip.

Jake is furious. I don't think I've ever seen him so furious and I try desperately to hold him back as he goes for Edward.

"You keep your hands to yourself, Cullen," he says menacingly, his warm body shaking uncontrollably under my touch. He's shirtless and his muscles are straining beneath his skin.

"Jealous, are we?" Edward smirks as he tries to stand up straight but fails miserably. He picks up the Vodka again, taking a huge gulp.

Jake huffs a laugh. "Jealous? Of what? Of the fact that I'm not falling over my own feet? Or jealous because I'm the one Bella's holding onto?"

"Fuck you!" Edward roars and comes at Jake but he's so drunk he never sees Jake's fist come up and plant one square on his jaw. I'm used to seeing Edward throw a punch, not receive one.

"Jake!" I shout, pulling him back again. "He's drunk, let's go home," I beg, needing to get Jake away before Edward says something stupid again. There'll be no holding him back then.

Jake's gaze softens as he looks down at me and he wraps his arms around my cold shoulder.

"I have some advice for you Edward. Getting piss drunk on the beach down the road from your ex's house is not a way to win her back. Try the truth; you'd be surprised how that works out sometimes."

I glance at Edward before Jake turns us around, my bleeding heart echoing the blood dripping from his split lip.

We take a few steps but Jake pulls me to a stop, turn on Edward again.

"One more thing. If you ever touch her like that against her will again, I will fucking kill you. If she wants you to touch her, she'll tell you. Until then, I repeat, keep your hands to your fucking self."

The venom in Jake's voice has me closing my eyes, his protectiveness wrapping around me like a shield and I latch onto it, finding solace in his love for me.

Back at home Jake is still beside himself with anger.

"Why, Bella?" he asks, his eyes telling me he's trying hard to understand. "Why would you go out there this time of night? Why did you stay when you saw how drunk he was?"

"I don't know," I answer, my voice hoarse and low.

"Oh well, thanks for that. That helps me understand your actions so much better," he answers dryly.

"I don't know Jake!" I raise my voice at him. "I saw him on his knees and I thought he was hurt."

He kneels before me, taking my shaking hands in his.

"Bella, I can't see you go down this road again. It's the same one you were walking when I found you. You love him, I get that, even after all he's done; you've never hid that from me. And as much as I hate to admit it, he loves you too."

My eyes widen in shock as I stare at Jake, my head shaking slowly in denial.

He sighs and takes a seat next to me.

"Bella, I'm a man just like him and I'm telling you, he still loves you. All his actions since we got here is that of a desperate, heartbroken man."

"No Jake. You're wrong. He's just being full of shit. Maybe he wants a goodbye fuck, who knows. But love…no way."

"Something isn't adding up. You know from my conversation with Emmett that there's something they're hiding from you. I don't know Edward and right now I could kill him, but, I get the feeling something happened that forced him to break up with you. I don't think he wanted to and I sure as hell don't think he's over you."

I suppress the part of me that tries to cling desperately to the hope that Jake's theory might be true. If I falsely allow myself to believe that Edward still loves me only to find out it's not true…I won't survive his rejection again.

"Jake, don't…"

"I'm just saying Bella. If you two still love each other, if the truth could set you free, wouldn't you want to find out?"

"But that's not the case Jake," I insist.

"Hypothetical then," he sighs in frustration. "Just answer me."

I stare at him for a long while before I answer the only truthful one I can find in my heart.

"Yes," I whisper. "Yes, I would."

"So then find out the truth, Bella," he urges. "Someone must be willing to talk. Rose…Alice, anyone. It's clear they all love you Bella. Someone will cave if you apply the right amount of pressure."

I grip his hand tightly, my white fingers intertwining with his russet ones.

"I'm scared Jake. I'm so fucking scared you're wrong about this. What then?"

"Then we move on Bella," he says simply. "Then we go back to university, to late night studying and drunken parties. We go back to working on getting you better because we both know, even though you will always love him, somehow, you will learn to live around the pain. We to back to being us, Bella."

Tears flow down my cheeks as he speaks and he lifts both hands, wiping the trails from my face before cupping it in his big hands.

"But Bella. I know you. I know you know there's something going on here. And if you don't try to find out, you'll always wonder. It's better to know the truth going forward than living a life always wondering what could have been."

"How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" I smile at him. "Why can't I love you like I love him?"

He smiles back as he leans forward and gently kisses me.

"I don't have all the answers Bella," he whispers. "But you and I both believe in that once in a lifetime kind of love. It doesn't mean what you and I have is any less special. For you, it will always be Edward. And I have enough faith in love to know my other half will walk into my life some or other time."

"

"I'm terrified of that," I admit. "When you find her. I know I'll be so happy for you, but I'm so scared of losing you."

"Oh Bella, you know I'll always love you. And whoever she is will see what I see when I look at you and she'll love you too. You'll always be in my life."

I nod and kiss him again.

"Now, why don't you try and catch some sleep while I go fetch your ass of an ex and let him have the couch before he kills himself driving in the state he's in."

"You don't have to do that Jake," I say as he pulls me up and gives me a nudge towards the passage.

"Yes, I do. Not for him…for you. Because I know you won't be able to sleep not knowing if he's okay."

I nod, knowing what he's saying is true.

I get into bed thinking I'll wait for Jake to get back, but before I know it I drift into the land of dreams.

 **We're almost at the revelation of the big secret…just hang on a little longer.**

 **Review? Love them. If you don't feel like it, I love the fact that you are reading this.**

 **See you next week!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, mixed feelings on this one all around. That's totally okay, different opinions are what make the world go round.**

 **Let's go…**

B POV

I wake up as the sun's first rays peak through the curtains. I stretch lazily as I glance over to see Jake still fast asleep.

I grin to myself when I realize I'd slept without as much as a hint of a nightmare.

I pull my boy shorts on under Jake's shirt and tie my hair up as I make my way to the kitchen for coffee.

I stop dead in my tracks when I see Edward on the couch, also still fast asleep.

Hesitating for just a moment, I walk over to him. I gasp when I see his swollen bluish jaw and the dried blood on his mouth and chin. I fetch a wet cloth from the bathroom and kneel in front of him.

Tentatively and as softly as I can, I wipe at the blood on his chin. As I run the cloth over his cut lip he stirs and his emerald eyes open slowly.

I freeze as he focuses on me, the cloth still on his lips.

His hand comes up and takes mine away from his mouth but he doesn't let go and I feel my fingers curl around his hand to hold it.

"I'm sorry about last night," he says softly, his eyes filled with regret. "It feels like all I've been doing since you got back is fuck up and apologize and then fuck up some more. The last thing I ever wanted was to cause you more pain."

I want to tell him it's okay, that it was nothing, but we both know it would be a lie.

"How long were you watching?" I ask, needing to know just how much he saw.

Regret is replaced with anguish and he closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. I know he's replaying whatever he saw in his mind's eye. I know because I would do the same and a pain akin to a knife twisting in my stomach resounds through my body when I think of seeing him with another woman.

"Only a few moments," he answers hoarsely. "I didn't want to…but I couldn't look away either. Seeing you like that with him…like you were with me…it's killing me Bella," he confesses.

"But why Edward?" I ask earnestly. "Why do you care so much when it was you who left me? Please, I know there's something you're hiding from me. If you would just tell me the truth."

"I can't," he says as tears fill his eyes to the brim. When he blinks a few escape and my heart breaks at his pain. Maybe Jake's theory is right?

I lean closer, his Vodka breath not bothering me one bit this morning.

"There used to be a time you could tell me anything," I whisper. "You still can."

"Not this," he almost cries. "It's gone too far."

"Do you still love me?" I ask as I search his eyes for an answer.

He doesn't give me one but he edges forward slowly, his lips brushing mine ever so lightly. We don't break eye contact.

It's still there. At least, it's still there for me. That feeling of utter, all consuming love. That tingle that travels from my lips to the rest of my body, vibrating through me. That feeling of being home.

But I need to know. I need to know he still feels it too, so I move back slightly, but only enough so his lips aren't touching mine anymore, still staying close.

"Do you still love me Edward? Please tell me you still love me," I beg and I hate the desperation in my voice. "Because if you do, whatever it is, we can fix it."

"I…"

The front door opens with a bang and I fall back on my knees away from Edward, the moment broken by Rosalie and Emmett walking in, her in front and looking angry as hell, Emmett right behind her.

"Rosalie…please," he starts but then they both see us and they stop, trying to figure out just what is going on. Jake walks in from the passage at that moment.

"What the hell happened to you?" Rose asks, no worry in her tone.

Edward looks at me as Jake moves closer, wrapping his arm around me.

"It's really all my fault," Jake begins and I turn staring at him, my mouth hanging open. "We left the front door unlocked for you and Edward came over to talk to Bella. I heard the front door opening but no voices so I got up to check. It was dark and I just saw a figure that obviously wasn't Emmett closing the door. I guess I just went by instinct, thinking it was a burglar. I hit him as he turned. I only saw it was Edward when I put the light on."

Rose stares at the three of us for another few seconds before deciding she's accepted the answer.

"You should have messed him up a bit more," Rose says icily as she glares at Edward. "Maybe that way you would have knocked some sense into him."

And with that she leaves to their bedroom, Emmett silently hurrying after her, looking lost and panicked. Whatever happened between them seems serious and my worry shifts from me to them.

We stay motionless as he bedroom door slams shut. Their raised voices can be heard, although we can't hear what they are saying.

The door suddenly opens again and this time Emmett is the seething one as he passes us. He grabs his keys and opens the front door.

"Emmett!" Rose shouts, standing in the passage doorway. "Don't you dare walk out on me. I'm not finished talking…"

"But I am!" he shouts as he turns on her and I cringe into Jake's side. I've never seen Emmett this angry and I sure as hell have never heard him raise his voice to Rose.

"This is not up for discussion any longer Rosalie," he says in a raised voice and I see her bottom lip tremble as tears slip from her eyes.

"I'm not budging on this, so you're either with me or you're not."

I hear Rose gasp at the implication of his words and she clutches her chest as if in physical pain.

Rosalie is a strong woman, the strongest I know. I've hardly ever seen her cry. Okay, wait, she's a sucker for E.T. and Braveheart, but that's about as far as her crying goes. Besides, my brother never gives her anything to cry about, they're as solid as the constitution.

"Em, please, you need to calm down," I beg as I walk closer to him but steps back as I near him so I stop.

He hangs his head back, eyes closed for a few seconds and when he opens them again the tears stream from his baby blues.

And that right there scares the hell out of me. Because as little as I've ever seen Rose cry, I've never seen Emmett cry. Never. Not even at Charlie's funeral even though they were extremely close.

His gaze falls on Rose, softening to that look of adoration that he's always had for her since the day they met.

"I love your Rosalie. I love you more than life itself. You know this. And I've always supported your decisions, even though you know sometimes I didn't agree with them. Now, I'm asking you to support me just this once. And it breaks me that you can't do this for me."

He shakes his head and brings both his hands to his face, sniffing as he quickly brushes the tears aside.

"I'll give you some time to think about it. I'll be back later."

With that he leaves.

A sob rips from Rose as she slams the bedroom door shut again.

I'm dazed, absolutely shocked at what just happened.

Edward pulls his shoes on quickly and grabs his car keys.

"I need to find Emmett," he says panicked, his eyes wild with worry.

"Yes, please. Make sure he's safe," I say as he heads for the door.

He pauses and turns before leaving, walking up to Jake, his hand outstretched.

"Thank you," he says as Jake shakes it.

"No sweat," Jake answers tightly.

"No, not just for last night. For everything," Edward says, looking Jake straight in the eyes. "For not giving up on Bella when she needed someone the most. For putting up with my sorry ass not because you want to, but because you're doing it for her. For protecting her like you do. For loving her like you do."

After what Edward saw last night, saying this must be killing him inside, but I hear honesty in every word he speaks.

Jake nods at Edward's heartfelt thanks and then his gaze falls on me.

"Bella, if you'd like, maybe we can finish our conversation later?"

"Yes," I nod. "Of course. But right now, I need you to find him," I remind Edward.

"Yes…right," he says as if he suddenly remembers the task at hand.

"I'll let you know once I'm with him," he calls over his shoulder as he runs out the door.

 **I promise it's not too far off!**

 **Thanks for reading…even though not everyone agrees with what is being said all the time, that is expected and whatever you think or feel, just know I value everyone's input and thoughts.**

 **Till next time…**


	12. Chapter 12

**When I wrote the part with Bella and Rose I kept thinking of that song, Her Diamonds by Rob Thomas, one part in particular:**

 _ **She sits down and stares into the distance and it takes all night**_

 _ **And I know I can break her concentration but it don't feel right**_

 _ **By the light of the moon she rubs her eyes**_

 _ **Sits down on the bed and starts to cry**_

 _ **And there's something less about her**_

 _ **And I don't know what I'm supposed to do**_

 _ **So I sit down and I cry too**_

 _ **And don't let her see**_

B POV

"You want some time with Rose?" Jake asks and I nod.

"I'm so sorry Jake. This whole vacation is a mess and a giant mistake."

He kisses the top of my head.

"We knew this might be tricky before we came, Bella. Next vacation is on me. You can join me watching my mother waste away while my father spends his time with one of his four mistresses."

He makes light of it but I see the clouds descend over his bright brown eyes. Before I can say anything he pushes me towards the bedroom.

"Go see if she's okay," he says. "I'm going to grab Emmett's board and practice a bit more."

I glance out the window, not wanting him to be out on his own but I see some of the locals in the water.

"Okay, but be careful. I see Sam and Paul are out there, I introduced you to them the other day."

"Yeah, go now, Miss Worrypants. I'll be fine."

I knock softly on the bedroom door but Rose doesn't answer so I go in and find her sitting cross legged on the bed clutching Emmett's pillow and staring out the window.

"Rose?"

She looks at me and starts sobbing and I climb onto the bed, holding her tightly. I can't help it, I cry too. I cry for whatever is going on between her and Emmett. For her pain…for his.

"Rose, talk to me," I say when her tears subside. "What happened?"

"Oh Bella," she cries as she grips my hands in hers. "I wish I could tell you."

And then it hits me like a freight train. Whatever is going on has something to do with whatever Edward and Emmett are hiding from me.

"You know. You know what's going on," I say as I get off the bed, trying hard to keep the accusation from my voice but failing miserably.

"When I spoke to you on the beach, you knew but you didn't say anything."

"Because I promised him Bella," she says sadly. "I was going to tell you this morning but you see how that went."

She starts crying again.

"I can't lose him Bella. And he's right; he never asks anything of me. I can do this one thing for him."

"Even if this secret is hurting me?" I ask, but she doesn't answer.

"Alice…Jasper…"

She knows what I'm asking and the way she looks at me is my answer.

"So everyone is in on it? Whatever _it_ is? I'm the only fucking idiot in the dark?" I say in a raised voice, anger and hurt coursing through my veins.

"We love you Bella…"

"No!" I shout. "You don't do this to someone you love."

I pull the bedroom door open and turn on her again.

"You know what? Fuck it. I don't want to know what's going on anymore. I don't care anymore! I'm getting Jake…I want to go home."

She starts getting off the bed.

"Bella, you are home," she whispers.

"No Rose. This place…with you and Emmett and everyone else…this will never be my home again," I answer angrily. "You can all go to hell!"

She calls after me but I run out the door, over the street and onto the beach.

I see Jake sit with his back to me. Leah, Sam's sister is sitting next to him. I try to compose myself before I get to them.

"Jake," I say from behind and both of them startle, Jake jumping up and Leah moving away from him.

"Bella," Leah greets and hugs me quickly, stepping back and glancing to Jake who has a very suspiciously guilty look on his face.

"Leah, it's good to see you," I smile.

"You too. It's been too long," she smiles back.

"Rose okay?" Jake asks.

Why does this situation feel so damn uncomfortable?

"Yeah…umm, no…I mean, we can talk about it later," I say as I look between them.

"Bella!" I hear behind me and look around to see Rose heading our way.

And when I turn back without Jake noticing I see it.

The way she's looking at him. The way he's looking at her. I've never seen him look at any girl like that, not even me. Like the sun rises and sets because she breathes. It's the same way Emmett looks at Rose. The same way Edward used to look at me.

I start backing away from them. He catches the movement and his eyes meet mine and I know he knows I saw it…it must be written all over my face.

"Bella…" he says softly, reaching for me.

"Don't touch me," I say, my voice shaky. "Stay away from me. All of you, just leave me alone!"

And then I bolt.

I start running with a speed I never knew was in me.

Away.

Away from the liars.

Away from love.

Away from it all.

I lose track of time.

It's dark but I don't know how long it's been since the sun set.

I don't care.

I do care.

But I don't want to care.

It seems all caring does is bring me pain.

Everyone I've loved my whole life has been lying to me.

And now Jake has met "the one" he's been searching for. Somewhere deep inside I'm happy for him. This was going to happen sometime or another. We've never lied to each other about it.

But then why…why does it hurt so damn much?

I've never felt so alone before in my life.

Minutes pass…hours…I have no idea.

I'm shivering, cold inside and out.

I stare at the sea crashing beyond the boulders outside the cave.

Maybe…just maybe…if I stay here long enough, the tide will come in and put me out of my misery.

E POV

It's after nine at night when I finally persuade Emmett to go home. He's beside himself. He's pissed off and hurt and just…lost, I guess.

He doesn't say anything to me about how he wants to punch me real bad right now, but I can see it in the way he looks at me.

When we get home the living room is filled with people.

"Sam," Emmett shakes his hand as he greets him. "What's going on?"

He looks over to a panic stricken Rose and Alice. Jake is behind them, a hand resting on each shoulder. His eyes look red, like he might have been crying too. Jasper is on his phone looking more stressed than I've ever seen him.

Emmett doesn't wait for Sam to respond but walks over to Rosalie who walks into his embrace and I see her body sag against him, his safety wrapping around her.

My eyes go from Alice's crying eyes to Jasper, scanning the kitchen where someone is making copious amounts of coffee and back to Sam and Paul. I don't see the rest of the wolf pack, a local term for the surfing fraternity in town. They all have matching tattoos, including Bella who sports hers on the small of her back.

"Where's Bella?" I ask loudly as I scan the room once again in case I missed her. But I know I didn't. She's the one person I'd find between a million.

"We don't know," Rose cries from against Emmett's chest.

"What do you mean you don't know? How long as she been gone?" I don't like the dread that pools in the pit of my stomach.

Rose pushes away from Emmett slightly so she can look him in the eyes, ignoring me.

"She left shortly after you this morning. She…she came to talk to me; I swear I didn't tell her anything. But she figured out we all know. I swear Emmett, I didn't say anything" she gets out before she starts sobbing uncontrollably and he pulls her against him again.

"Ssshh," Emmett hushes as he holds her. "I believe you Rose, it's okay Baby. We'll find her."

I glance at my watch and that dread grows considerably. I left this morning just after seven. It's now nine thirty. If she left not long after me, she's been gone for, give or take, about fourteen hours.

I swing towards Sam. I'm sure him and the pack have been scouring every inch of this town for hours.

"Where?" I ask and he clears a path between a few people to the dining room table where a map of the town and surrounds is colored and marked with pegs.

"Most of it," he says as he points to the shaded areas. Pegged areas had been searched twice. He rubs at his face with both hands and I notice how utterly worn out and defeated he looks.

"Paul and I arrived just before you guys to come and get some coffee. Jared, Quill, Embry…they're all still out there." That explains their absence.

I focus my attention on the map again, frowning as I run my fingers over the drawn in lines. As I reach the end of the six mile beach, the color stops.

"You didn't go beyond the Bluff?" I ask.

"There's no way she can get down the other side Edward," Emmett says as he walks over too, focusing on the map.

"That's why we didn't even bother. I mean, we went up this side, but that's a lot easier than getting down on the other side. She'd never risk it," Sam says tiredly.

I grab my jacket and head for the door. I know exactly where she is.

"Edward, where are you going? She wouldn't be so stupid," Jasper says as he pockets his phone.

"She would," I say as I zip up my jacket. "She's done it before." 

"What? When? With who?" Rose asks worriedly as she gets up again to stand with Emmett.

I look between the people in the group as they wait for an answer. The Bluff is no joke. We all know that. Sam and a few guys cliff dive, but that's at high tide and jumping down is a lot easier than climbing down the steep face on the other side.

"With me Rose," I say. Shit, this was always our secret, our getaway place from it all. But I have no choice now, I had to tell them.

"We've been doing it since she was fifteen. Listen, I'll explain whatever you want me to explain when I get back. Right now, I need to get to her. If she's there, she's probably freezing her ass off is she left here with what she had on."

"I'll go with you," Jake says as he rounds the sofa.

"No," I say with a doubt. "No way Jake. I'm sorry, but everyone here knows you can't just climb down that face without experience. It's dark too. She'll kill me if something happens to you."

"He's right Jake, let him go get her," Alice says as she gets up and rubs Jake's arm for support.

He drags his hand over his face much like Sam before he nods. "Okay, bring her home Edward."

 **I'm so nervous about the next chapter…I've rewritten it a few times already…**

 **Next up EPOV stays with us.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I don't know what it is with these damn songs popping into my head, but so the song for me for this chapter is Bon Jovi, Lie to me.**

 _ **I know I promised Baby I would be the one to make your dreams come true**_

 _ **I ain't to proud of all the struggles and the hard times we've been through**_

 _ **When this cold world comes between us**_

 _ **Please tell me you'll be brave**_

' _ **Cause I can realize the danger when forgiveness fades away**_

 _ **If you don't love me – lie to me**_

' _ **Cause baby you're the one thing I believe**_

 _ **Let it all fall down around us, if that's what's meant to be**_

 _ **Right now if you don't love me Baby – lie to me**_

E POV

The run down the beach is a fast one. From Bella's house to the Bluff it's a 2 mile stretch and I clock it at 16 minutes, my fastest time yet. If coach could have gotten me running track this fast in high school I could have gone pro.

I'm out of breath as I climb the easy side up the Bluff. It doesn't take long; Bella and I could do this in our sleep.

I stand for a few seconds looking down the other side before I start our usual route down. It's fucking dark as the clouds pass across the moon a few times, making it harder for me to go down as fast as I know I can. It's almost another fifteen minutes before I reach the bottom, my left hand bleeding from a cut down the sharp jagged edges. I stick my hand in the cold sea water and hiss at the burning throb pulsing in my palm. When I pull my hand out it's still bleeding but not that much so I round the bluff sea side and haul myself up the four feet rock to the cave that used to be our refuge, our secret.

Secrets. How I have come to hate that word.

I hop around the rock pools and turn the corner only to be met with a sight that literally causes me pain.

Bella is curled up against the rough rocks in the furthest corner of the cave. She's wet and shaking and I swear if it wasn't for the waves behind me, I would have probably heard her teeth clattering.

"Oh God," I whisper as I run the short distance to her.

She lifts her head from her arms as I kneel before her, her eyes swollen and red from the tears that still course down her beautiful face.

"You…you…f-f-found me," she stutters as I shrug out of my jacket.

"How did you get wet Bella?" I ask as I rub my hands over her bare arms, Jake's shirt clinging to her small frame.

"I…I couldn't remember the way down," she says slowly through blue shivering lips. "It was high tide when I got here. I dove off the cliff."

My heart just about stops beating.

"Are you fucking insane?" If I think of all the things that could have gone wrong, how all of this is my fucking fault.

We watch Sam and some others do it all the time, but never in a million years would I have thought it safe enough for Bella to try.

"I couldn't get into the cave till the tide ebbed," she continues as I keep rubbing her shoulders. "I was kind of stuck in the water to the left for a while."

"Jesus," I breathe as I pull her up. "Bella, Baby, we need to get you out of these wet clothes," I say as I start undressing her. I know as soon as she's out of the wet clothes and in my jacket, she'll start warming up.

"I couldn't remember the way down," she says again, her voice rising, her breathing becoming shallow and quick. "How could I not remember the way down, Edward?" she asks panicked.

"Baby, you have to calm down, please Bella, please, let me get these clothes off you," I plead as I pull her shorts down her shaking legs.

She doesn't stop crying. Fuck, it's ripping me apart.

As soon as I have all her clothes off I pick up my jacket but she stops me from tossing it over her shoulders.

"Bella…you'll freeze to death," I urge as I try again but she takes a step back.

"Please…" she whispers through her tears.

"What is it Bella?" I ask confused. "What do you need?"

"You," she says softly, her tears subsiding.

I shake my head.

"Bella, this isn't the time for this. Please, let me put the jacket on you."

"Please, Edward," she begs and I break a little more.

"Just one more time. Please, you can do this for me," she pleads as she steps closer and takes the jacket form me, dropping it on the floor.

I can't do this, I think as she grabs hold my shirt and pulls it over my head. I can't do this to her, yet I still don't stop her undressing me until we stand naked before each other.

God, how I've missed her. Every fucking day, every second since the lie that broke us. No one knows…no one sees that just like her, I can't sleep. No one knows the tears I cry every damn night because I can't be with her, because I broke her heart, because I know if I'd only tell her the truth, she would forgive me.

Yet here we are.

Face to face.

Chest to Chest.

Our breathing fills my ears as I reach for her, pulling her closer.

She comes willingly into my arms, the arms of the fucking bastard that ruined her. God, how can she love me still?

And though my head is screaming at me to stop this madness, my heart allows my head to bend down to hers, our lips feverishly recognizing, hers opening, allowing my tongue to taste her, to remind me of just how we fit together so perfectly. How we've both been walking in a soulless desert for six long months…how the only thing that will quench our thirst is to allow ourselves this…to forget the lies and the secrets…to just be.

She whimpers as I kiss her neck, moving up and gently nipping at that spot just below her ear.

And as I wrap my hands around her perfect breasts, her nipples hardening even more beneath my touch, she boldly wraps her hand around me and I groan into her mouth.

How did I last so long without her? Without her touch…without her love?

She wants to pull me down to lie on top of her but I turn so that I go down first, her on top, not wanting to hurt her perfect skin on the cold rock floor.

She clambers on me eagerly. Her desire filled eyes fixed on mine are still tinged with a sadness I so badly want to take away, to make her forget how much I've hurt her, to put back the spark in her eyes, the one that only ever looked at me with utter love and trust.

She takes me in her hand, positioning herself so that my tip is surrounded by her sweet warmth.

"Tell me you love me," she whispers as she starts slowly coming down on me, her eyes closing as a small moan escapes her lips. "If you don't, then lie to me. Please, just tell me you love me."

As she takes me into her completely she opens her eyes and fuck, in that moment I realize there's no way I can go another day without her. I can't live without her just as much as she can't carry on without me. We're not built to be apart…eventually it'll kill us both.

 _Forgive me Charlie. Forgive me for loving her too much to honor the promise I made to you._

I sit up, wrapping my arms around her, kissing her deeply as I allow myself to let her love flow through me, taking my breath away.

"I love you," I mumble between kisses. "God knows I've never stopped loving you."

She sighs as her head drops to my shoulder, her hips swiveling deliciously within the confines of my arms.

We're so highly strung it doesn't take long before I feel her movements speed up and I hold her as she leans back in my embrace, tilting herself so I'm hitting that secret place inside her that has her grinding down on me.

God, she's magnificent. My eyes take her in…all of her…her rounded breasts firm and flushed…her lips red and swollen from my kisses…her eyes never leaving mine.

"Fuck Bella, I'm not going to last," I say as I feel the coil in my stomach tightening.

"I'm with you Edward," she breathes as I feel her clench around me. "Let go," she urges.

So I do. I let go and she clenches me even tighter, moaning my name. I jerk inside of her as her voice echoes around us.

She falls forward, spent and warm, her arms around my neck. I carefully lay back down, ignoring the cold rocks against my back and focusing on the warmth from above.

This is it, I realize. There's no turning back now.

She loves me.

I love her.

Nothing else matters.

 **I originally wrote this in BPOV, but then rewrote it from Edward's perspective because I felt we needed to know what's going on in his head on this one.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was a first for me writing a lemon from a man's perspective so go easy on me ;-)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A guest reviewer was a bit disgusted that Bella seemed to have slept with both men without protection. And for that I must apologize. I get caught up in the passion and tend to let the smaller details slide.**

 **But I think I mentioned it in one of my previous fics, please just know that even though I don't always mention the opening of a condom, etc. I am very well aware of it and I guess I should mention it at the beginning of all my stories that even though I don't describe it, please just assume that protection is being used. So once again, sorry for giving anyone that impression.**

 **Okay, let's get to it. Have an awesome weekend everyone!**

B POV

Much later we're still entangled and Edward seems as reluctant as I to let go.

"Emmett's beside himself with worry, as are all the others," Edward notes as his fingers brush against my back.

"Let them worry," I say, not ready to let go yet. Not ready to admit that maybe, just maybe, Edward's admission of love was a lie.

"Bella," he asks softly. "Why did you run?"

I sigh as I sit up above him. "I needed a time out. I'm hurting Edward. And not just because of you. Because I realized that whatever you're hiding from me…everyone's in on it. Everyone has been watching me hurt while they've known the truth all along."

He sits up as well, his arms circling me in their warmth.

Face to Face.

Chest to Chest.

"Don't be mad at them, Bella," he says as he holds me tighter. "This isn't their fault."

"That's where you're wrong, Edward. You might have a reason to keep whatever it is from me, but they had a choice. Especially Emmett."

He looks away for a few seconds.

"He's not just keeping it from you like the others Bella," he says as he looks back at me. "I'm not the only one that made a promise."

I don't know what to say to that. I'm utterly shocked. I thought Emmett was just keeping Edward's secret.

His hand comes up cupping my face and I lean into his touch.

"How can you still love me?" he asks as his green eyes penetrate mine, seeking the answer.

I look down at his rock hard stomach, my fingers running lines between his abs.

"I've asked myself that a million times," I answer honestly. "But I think I've loved you since the first moment I ever saw you. You used to be here all the time, at our house, on the beach, and you always used to be so protective of me, just like Emmett. And then when you punched Tyler when I was in Grade 3 for pulling my hair, I developed this serious crush on you, like a hero worship crush I guess. Thing is, that crush never went away. And it just kept growing. When you…when you held my hand the first time you guys let me watch Nightmare on Elm Street with you, I thought I'd pass out right then and there. It was a big moment for me, like; Edward Cullen was actually holding my hand."

"You never told me this when we were dating," he murmurs and I find myself blushing as I shrug.

"It was embarrassing," I mumble.

"It's adorable," he counters before kissing me, tenderness in every touch of his lips.

"I'll always love you Edward. I can't help it, it's in me, it's part of who I am. And somehow…somehow I know you're not doing this because you want to. If you'd just let me in Edward, we'll find a way to undo the damage. We've always been stronger together, don't you see that?"

He stares at me for a long moment before he pushes me up gently and gets up himself.

"Come on, let's get dressed and going," he says as he grabs his pants.

"Right now?" I ask sadly as I realize this could be the end of our connection once again. Once we walk out this cave, the lies and hurt might crash over me once again.

I pull my shorts on but Edward discards Jake's shirt and helps me into his jacket, zipping up the front.

"It's time I put an end to this, Bella," he says after we dress.

Edward takes my face between my hands and kisses me urgently, leaving me breathless and wanting more when he pulls away and takes my hand in his.

"It's time to come clean, even if I'll be breaking a promise I made to someone I respect and love very much," he says cryptically before leading the way, pulling me behind him.

The walk back home is a quiet one, both of us lost in our own thoughts. His hand is still firmly holding mine.

I see two figures in the distance and as we near them I see Jake's arms around Leah, her head resting on his chest.

Edward stiffens next to me as he sees it too and before I can stop him he pulls from me and runs at Jake with full speed.

"Edward!" I scream.

Jake and Leah look over at us and he manages to shove her away from him just before Edward's body connects with his, sending them both sprawling into the sand.

I reach Leah just as they both jump to their feet.

"You cheating fucking bastard!" Edward shouts at him as they circle each other. The irony of the situation is not lost on me. Edward thinks Jake and I are dating…but then wouldn't that mean I just cheated on _him_?

Jake goes for him then but I preempt the attack and I jump between them, shoving Jake back with all my strength.

"Stop it Jake!" I shout.

Edward tries to sidestep me but I shove at him too.

"Bella," Leah cries. "I'm so sorry."

I look over at Jake.

"Did you tell her? About us?"

He shakes his head.

"No, I thought you and I should speak first."

"There's nothing much to discuss, Jake," I sigh.

"What do you mean there's nothing to discuss?" Edward asks stunned. "Did you not see what I just saw?"

"Hush Edward," I say, realizing this whole situation must be confusing the hell out of both him and Leah.

"Are you sure Jake?" I ask, knowing he knows what I mean.

He doesn't hesitate.

"Yes," is his simple reply.

"What the fuck is going on?" Edward asks as he throws is hands up in the air. The men in my life seem to be doing that a lot lately.

"I have some confessions of my own, Edward," I say. "As tonight seems to be the evening of truth, I might as well come clean too. Leah," I say as I look over at her tear stained, confused face. "Please join us, you more than anyone needs to hear what I have to say."

I take hold of Edward's hand again, which earns me a questioning look from Jake, but I shake my head slightly as I turn us around and toward the house.

Jasper's van is also there, along with many others. I know I have to face everyone first before we can settle down and discuss what needs to be discussed.

I walk in first and Sam being the closest grabs hold of me, pulling me off my feet and against his strong frame. I hold on for dear life.

"You're okay," he breathes next to my ear.

"I'm sorry I made you guys worry," I whisper, my longest surfing buddy putting me back on my feet.

"You're okay, that's all that matters," he sighs just before Paul grabs a hold of me and does exactly what Sam did.

And so it seems to go on forever as I'm passed from pack member to pack member until the faces start blurring into one another.

And at last I'm in the arms of one big grizzly bear and I hold onto him for dear life too, anger shoved aside for a moment as I cry against his broad chest. Only then do I realize how insane and irresponsible it was for me to do what I did.

"You scared the crap out of me," he admonishes.

"I'm sorry, I lost track of time."

I loosen myself from his hold and then I'm passed again between Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. And as Jasper holds me to him I see Rose walking over to Edward and I watch their interaction with acute attention.

Her stance is the one she has when she's pissed as hell, her shoulders squared and her feet apart and she looks like she wants to rip him apart. He doesn't back down though, staring her straight in the eye, taking whatever's coming his way.

And then, she does something so out of character it stuns us all. She throws her arms around Edward and holds him tight. Rose doesn't let anyone else but Emmett, Alice or me touch her. No one. He pauses for a brief second, as stunned as us but then he grabs a hold of her tightly too.

"Thank you for bringing her back to us," she says through her tears.

He doesn't answer as his eyes find mine and I see the tears start to well up in them as Jasper still holds me tightly against him.

"Rose, I'm sorry, fuck…I know that's not enough," he says as she pulls away from him. "It's time for Bella to know why I lied to her, why I asked you all to keep this secret."

Roses' whole demeanor changes, she audibly lets out a sigh and cocks her head to one side as she gives Edward a dazzling smile.

"It's about time you bastard," she says in jest. "It's about time."

 **So, next up, the big reveal. How is Bella going to react? Just accept it and live happily ever after? I don't think so. Scattycow, I have you to thank for a change of heart, so, thank you from the bottom of my heart.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hi there All. I know there's a lot of daggers pointing my way at the moment but the only excuse I have is that it turns out I was not dealing with my husband's death as well as I thought I was.**

 **I allowed myself to be pulled under by my grief and I guess went into survival mode because I just sort of lost all emotion. About a week ago my kids were at their gran for the night and I had some friends with me. I sort of lost it…well, scared the shit out of them was more like it, lol. But they let me get it out and boy, did I let it out. Next morning when I woke up I felt…different. Well, different in the sense of I was feeling again.**

 **After much thought I've decided to see someone concerning all of it. I sort of felt it would make me a weakling if I did and so I put it off too long. I've come to realize that it doesn't make me weak at all, if anything, it will make me stronger and help me be the mom my kids deserve.**

 **So ya, please know that it was not intentionally done…to make you wait this long.**

 **Edward's flashback in this chapter is happening as he's recounting it to everyone else…**

E POV

 _ **Flashback -**_

" _You treating my daughter like I would expect from you?" Chief Swan asks as I'm baiting my hook._

 _Emmett is below in the cabin getting a few beers._

" _Always Chief," I smile at him. "She's…well, you know," I answer shyly. The Chief always had that effect on me. "She's more than just some girl. She's the one."_

 _He grunts as he sits down, regarding me for a few seconds._

" _Don't you think you're a little young to be making statements like that?"_

" _No, Chief. No, I don't. When we were growing up, she was never just Emmett's little sister to me. I can't explain it but I've always been very protective of her. I've always been what she's needed in the different stages of growing up without even knowing it. She told me as much. Now, she's confessed to feeling the same way and it still feels like a dream. She keeps telling me how lucky she is to have me in her life. Truth is, I'm the lucky one. We fit, Chief. There's no other way to explain it."_

 _He looks like he's about to say something else when a noisy hung over Emmett comes back up with three beers, one already half way down._

" _Man, I feel like shit," he says as he hands me a beer._

" _Language," Chief Swan remarks with a smirk as Emmett hands him his beer._

" _Sorry Dad," Emmett mumbles just before taking another swig._

 _I laugh at his apparent embarrassment and when I look up again that's when I see it. Right behind Emmett._

 _Chief Swan is clutching at his chest, his face contorted with pain. I drop my rod and reach for him around Emmett but his beer drops and shatters at his feet just before he crumbles._

" _Dad!" Emmett shouts as he turns and we kneel on both sides of him, his skin a deathly bluish color, cold to the touch._

" _Dad, please, tell me what to do," Emmett cries, panic evidently etched on his strong face._

" _Look…after…Bella," he gasps between painfully short breaths as he grips Emmett's hand in his, two big hands gripping tightly. Father and son, best friends. Fuck, this isn't happening._

 _His gaze shifts to mine quickly, as if he knows his time is almost up. "Promise me…" he gasps again but doesn't finish._

" _Anything Chief," I say as he grips onto my hand as well._

" _Watch her in school…grades…she's always dreamt of…university…see that she goes…that she…follows her dream…"_

 _I can only nod because I can't find my voice. I try to swallow around the aching lump in my throat but I can't._

 _A few breaths later the Chief's body stills, eyes wide open, his chest deflated, void of air, void of life._

" _No!" Emmett screams as he shoves me aside and starts CPR. I watch him silently as he tries to breathe life back into his father, as he refuses to give up, his hands perfectly placed on the Chief's chest as he compresses._

 _Eventually I get up and try to get him to stop. It's not going to work. I could have told him that before he started but I know he had to try._

" _Get off me!" Emmett screams as his one punch to my ribs sends me flying back. But I don't relent; I lunge for him, pulling him back, away from Chief Swan, my arms barely wrapped around his muscled form._

 _He fights me, struggles with all his might and God knows where I get the strength but I hold onto him with everything I have. After what feels like an eternity he starts calming, his sobs echoing across the ocean as he falls to his knees with me still bound to him. And then he grabs onto me, painfully tight and I hold him back. He cries onto my shoulder and I let him. No words I say will be able to make any of this better so I choose to keep quiet._

 _Only after we get up and call the death in on the radio do I realize I was crying too. Emmett's shirt has a sopping wet patch on his shoulder where my head was lying._

 _ **Flashback ends**_

I haven't looked at Bella once since I started talking, but I look up now.

Her eyes are shining from unshed tears. Emmett and I have never told her everything that happened that day. Just the basics.

"I…I don't understand," she whispers. "What does this have to do with you leaving me?" she asks confused.

I take a deep breath as I look over to Emmett. He nods at me to continue, there's no way we can stop now.

"The day you graduated, that night at the party…I was coming down the passage when I heard you, Rose and Alice talking in the kitchen. I heard you telling them that you were thinking of ditching university and doing a few online courses instead, that you couldn't leave me."

"So…so you…"

She doesn't get another word out before getting up and I know she's angry as fuck as she starts pacing the length of the sitting room.

Everyone is quiet, no one uttering a single sound. My eyes fall on Jake and the look of murder on his face would have gotten my back up yesterday. But now? I guess I realize I deserve it. That and whatever she's going to throw at me.

But God, please, please don't take her from me again.

She stops pacing and advances on me. I get up reaching for her but she hits my hands away. The fury blazing from her eyes makes me take a step back.

"Let me get this straight," she says, her voice eerily calm. "You made a promise to my dad that you would make sure I went to university. And then you hear me having a conversation with Rose and Alice about maybe not going and you what? Make a decision that not only affected me, but everyone in this room, because you thought you knew what was best for me?"

I shake my head. "Not because I thought I knew what was best for you. I promised…"

"Bullshit!" she yells as she retreats from me, Jake walking into her back, his hands on her shoulders. I see some of the anger drain from her body at his touch and fuck, all I want to do is lay into him. But how can I when he can do that for her?

"Who gave you the right to make a decision about my life? I don't give a fuck about your promise," she shouts. "You know what the worst is? I would have probably gone. I would have probably gone and you and I would have worked out a visiting schedule that suited us both because we knew we couldn't be separated too long. We would still be together. None of this would have happened if you had just taken the fucking time to discuss this with me instead of making a decision that almost killed me!"

She closes her eyes for a few moments and when she opens them the ancient sadness is back in full force and when she speaks her voice is hoarse and soft.

"Or maybe I wouldn't have gone. Maybe I would have done what I suggested. Would that have been so bad Edward? Of me to want to stay with you and study at the same time? Would it have made me a bad person not wanting to leave the person I loved the most? You made a promise to Charlie while he was dying, I get that. Hell, if I was there I would have promised him anything he wanted. But do you think for one moment my father would have wanted to see me go through this pain because of a promise you made him? Do you think he would have made you leave me like you did if he was still here? Because I don't think so Edward."

"Bella, I realize that now. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry I hurt you. Please, if you give me a chance to fix it…"

She shakes her head sadly and pushes back into Jake's chest for support. "You can't fix this Edward."

That helpless clawing feeling is back in my stomach. That one where I know I'm going to be without her again, the one that was gone the moment my lips touched hers in the cave. The one that gives me nightmares even when I'm awake.

"I can Bella," I beg as I move forward but one look from Jake warns me to stay put. "You were right Bella," I almost cry. "We're stronger together. You said so. You said we could overcome anything as long as we were together."

She looks up to the ceiling, trying to stop the tears from falling. And when she looks at me again it's like a punch to the gut. There's no sadness there, no anger, no love. There's…nothing. Her stare is void of any emotion…dead…soulless. And it scares the shit out of me.

"I'm sorry Edward," she says in a detached voice I've never heard before. "I guess I was wrong."

Before I can react she turns and looks up to Jake.

"Take me home," she says softly.

And just like that…she slips through my fingers again…

 **Was it okay? So nervous to hear the comments! Let me have it…**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for all the reviews guys! Wow, you're kinda pissed off at him hey? I'm sure Bella will make him suffer though…I mean, he deserves it, right?**

 **Bella lets us into her head a bit in this chapter…among other things…hope you enjoy.**

B POV

I'm sitting on the edge of my bed. I've packed both my and Jake's stuff. After revealing the nature of our relationship to everyone I told him to go and spend some time with Leah before we leave in the morning.

If I really wanted, I knew he would have taken me away immediately, but I wanted to give them time together.

I refused to field the questions thrown my way regarding my revelation. I didn't feel like I owed them any insight into the choices I had made at all. I had lost my temper when Emmett had started insinuating Jake had taken advantage of my vulnerability. I had made my choices. I had instigated the physical aspect of our relationship because I felt safe with him; because I knew he wasn't like the rest of the football team sleeping with every bimbo they could get their hands on. Edward had not uttered one word and I couldn't bring myself to look at him when I spoke.

Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper have knocked on my door what feels like a hundred times. I've told them all to fuck off. I love them, they're my family. But right now…right now I don't want to see them and be reminded of their betrayal. I'm too angry to forgive so soon and I know it's going to take time.

I sigh and take a shower to try and calm the trembling in my bones. The scalding water does nothing to take away the hurt that has entrenched itself in my core.

All of them…they knew why Edward left me. Surely they could have seen how absurd his reasoning was? How with a few words before I left for university none of this would have happened. Yet they didn't say anything. They saw the way I looked when I left, and even though I never let on over the phone how bad I was doing, if they knew me as well as they think, they would have seen right through my façade the moment they laid eyes on me when I got back.

When I get out of the bathroom everything is quiet and the passage light is off. I peek out my bedroom window and see no cars except for Emmett's Jeep. They must have gone to sleep.

I open my door quietly and tiptoe down the passage in the dark to the kitchen. I round the corner hell bent on that bottle of Jack I know is hiding in the pantry but find myself walking into a very well-known chest and being caught by two very well-known arms. For a split second I close my eyes and breathe him in and _Jesus_ …all I want to do is forget this madness and everything that has happened and tell him to never let go.

"Bella…" he breathes close to my ear and his breath tickles my skin, sending a whole different kind of trembling through my body.

"Edward…please…" I beg, though I'm not sure what exactly it is I'm begging for.

"Anything…anything you want…just tell me and I'll do it…fuck, I'd give you anything you wanted Bella," he whispers

It's so dark but I don't need to see all of him, he's memorized, he's ingrained, a part of me.

"Tell me what you want…" he implores.

"I don't know," I confess breathless, my hands holding onto the only arms I've ever really wanted around me.

"Forgive me," he murmurs as his lips brush my cheek feather light.

"I…can't," I force out between gasps as his mouth moves closer to mine.

If I just turn my head ever so slightly, he's there, right here, holding me, pulling me in…waiting for me to let him know it's okay.

And although nothing about this situation is ever going to be okay, my traitorous body deceives me and before I can even think of pushing myself away from him, my head turns just enough for him to emit a husky growl before his mouth finds mine.

My arms slide around his neck as his tongue begs entrance to my mouth and I open for him, his familiar taste taking over my senses. His hands move down to my ass, touching, squeezing before he lifts me up, putting me down on the counter and moving between my legs.

This is wrong. This is oh so wrong but I can't seem to care right now. I need him; I need to feel him on me, around me; I need him to consume me. Just once before I go…because once I'm gone, I don't know what I'm going to feel, I don't know if I'll ever get over the hurt I've suffered because he couldn't talk to me.

Yet, when all is said and done, there is no doubt in my mind that he loves me. It's just a pity he doesn't love me enough to trust that I am capable of making my own decisions.

His lips are on my neck, nipping all the way around and downward, his hands pushing up my Sponge Bob pajama T. When his mouth closes over my achingly hard nipple my legs tighten around him, lining him up perfectly against me, my hips tilting toward the possibility of much needed friction.

As always, he obliges. His hands grip my hips, pulling me against him, my thin cotton shorts no match for his hardness behind his jeans.

My head falls back as he rhythmically pushes into me, holding me in place with an iron grip.

"Eyes right here Bella," he urges and I lift my head, our eyes locking, his stare pushing me that much closer to the edge.

"I love you," he murmurs as his left hand comes up, pinching my nipple softly, sending shock waves through my highly strung body. "God, you're so fucking beautiful."

And then I'm right there, teetering on the precipice of a mouthwatering orgasm. He knows it, knows me well enough to know the signs. My legs grip him tighter, my hips try to move every which way but his hand comes down again and joins his other, holding me in place. I can feel the cold misty dampness covering my skin and with three more thrusts against me I fall.

My fingers grip his hair tight as his mouth covers mine, muffling my moans of sheer pleasure as his movements against me slow, easing off little by little until his arms wrap around me, holding me close as my head rests on his shoulder.

"Forgive me," he says again softly. I lift my head up and the moonlight shines just enough light from behind me now so that I can marvel at the green intensity of his stare.

"I can't Edward," I say as silent tears fall down my face. "It's too soon…it hurts too much."

A tear slides down his face and I lean forward, kissing it away, my eyes closing at the feel of his skin beneath my lips.

"I love you Bella," he says again. "So much. I…I now know how absolutely fucking wrong it was…what I did. Don't for one second think I'm shrugging it off. But I can't be without you. I can't…function right. Neither can you Baby," he continues as I lift my head up and look into his eyes.

"I'll give you time Bella, I'll give you whatever you want. But know that I'll be waiting. I'll always be waiting. When you're ready, come home to me. Come back to where you belong. Please, just promise me you'll come home. If I know that, I can handle anything until you're back."

A sob rips from my chest as I push him away gently and hop off the counter.

I move away from him and as I turn to take flight I turn into another very well-known chest. The light goes on behind him and Rose comes walking out, her eyes moving between me and Edward, red from crying.

Emmett's hands come up to hold me but I push away from him so fast, the betrayal in his touch burning my skin like acid. He sees the look on my face and I want to feel sorry for him when his features change from concern to utter defeat but I don't allow myself to.

I sidestep him and ignore Rose as I make my way to my bedroom.

Just before I open my door, Edward softly calls my name and I turn to look at him.

"Promise me," he asks quietly as he moves around Emmett. "Please," he begs.

My eyes are locked with his for what seems an eternity, my heart warring with my head, the inner turmoil I feel making me nauseous.

I can tell him I will. I can tell him I'll see him soon, make it easier for him. I can set his mind at ease. But if I do that, if I do that and I don't come back…doesn't that make me just as bad as him?

And so I give him the only honest answer I can offer at this moment in time.

"I'm sorry Edward, I can't promise you that."

I break eye contact and slip through my door, standing with my back against it.

After a few seconds my body reacts to his closeness. He's right outside my door, I can feel it.

I slide down, leaning against the varnished surface of the barrier between us, hearing him do the same.

We sit like that for a long time before I feel rather than hear him leave; his presence leaving a gaping hole that I now know will never be filled by anyone else.

I crawl into bed, the bottle of Jack long forgotten and fall into a restless sleep.

 **So...thoughts?  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi All! Thanks for your reviews and pm's. Would so not be able to do this without them, they mean more to me than you know.**

 **We skip ahead a bit in this chapter…**

 **Lyrics for this chapter – Faded by Alan Walker (although I prefer the Conor Maynard version, lol)**

 _You were the shadow to my light did you feel us?_

 _Another star…you fade away_

 _Afraid our aim is out of sight wanna see us?_

 _Alive_

 _Where are you now?  
Where are you now?  
Where are you now?  
Was it all in my fantasy?  
Where are you now?  
Were you only imaginary?_

 _Where are you now?_  
 _Atlantis_  
 _Under the sea…under the sea_  
 _Where are you now?_  
 _Another dream_  
 _The monster's running wild inside of me_  
 _I'm faded…I'm faded_  
 _So lost, I'm faded_  
 _I'm faded_  
 _So lost, I'm faded_

0O0

 **Three months later…**

E POV

I pull up in front of Emmett's house and let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. Happens every time I come here, which doesn't happen very often anymore. I only come when he invites me, not like I used to just drop in whenever I felt like it. It's just too hard with memories of us playing on my mind every time I walk through the door.

 _Bella crying when she saw the blood after losing her first tooth…_

 _Bella's face flaming red after Emmett found her first bra in the bathroom and teased her endlessly for days…_

 _Bella watching me intently when she thought I wasn't looking…_

 _Bella's hand in mine watching Nightmare on Elm Street, her body close and warm; leaning into me so she can hide her face in my neck at the scary parts…_

 _Bella outright telling Charlie and Emmett when we started dating, her no nonsense attitude warning them both that it was not negotiable, even though neither of them had a problem with it…_

 _Bella telling me she's ready to make love to me when Emmett and Charlie were away on a fishing trip. Her body molding to mine perfectly, her sounds of pleasure echoing around us…_

 _Bella's face when I told her I'm leaving her. When I lied to her like a fucking coward instead of talking about it. The glare I threw her way when she asked me if I still loved her; the one that destroyed her._

 _Bella on the kitchen counter the night before she left again, hot and needy, letting me take her to that place that I damn well know he never did. He could make her come, but he could never make her shatter like me._

I'm pulled from my thoughts by Roses' red BMW pulling in beside me. Shit, here it comes again; I think as I jump out my truck and civilly grab some parcels from her well-manicured hands. She acknowledges me with a nod. No eye contact, no hello, no thank you. She bears me with no grin because of Emmett.

I follow her inside, stopping and closing my eyes for a few seconds as I cross the threshold, imagining her scent, her laughter…

When I open my eyes Rose is glaring at me.

"Oh for fuck sake's Edward, can you please stop doing that every time you walk into our house?"

"Doing what?" Emmett asks as he walks into the kitchen from the bedroom, grabbing two beers and setting mine on the counter.

Rose is more irritated today than usual. Something pissed her off.

"Oh come on Em. You're telling me you haven't seen him pause and close his eyes every time he walks in here? Like he's hoping when he opens them up she's just going to magically appear?" She turns on me again. "Well guess what Buddy; she isn't going to be here for a very long fucking time, thanks to you."

This catches my attention and knocks the wind from my sails, the beating of my heart speeding up dangerously as anxiety clutches at it with long sharp claws. Long time? She's supposed to be due back in three days' time for a week-long vacation.

Emmett seems just as surprised. "What are you talking about? She's arriving on Friday," he asks as he walks closer to me, both of us now caught in her glare together.

"I ran into Leah at the gas station. She just got back from visiting Jake and Bella. Says Bella's decided to stay put and not come down after all. She asked Leah to pass the message on to us."

I watch her carefully, edging back a bit when I see Emmett do the same. I think Rosalie Hale is gonna lose it…any second now…

Her back is towards us, her fingers drumming on the kitchen counter. Emmett and I glance at each other nervously.

And then it happens…so fast I almost don't have time to react.

She grabs my beer from the counter, turns and man, does that woman have an arm, throws it directly at me. I dodge just in time and turn to see the can splatter, bubble and wheeze as it hits the ground outside the front door.

"She doesn't even want to talk to me!" she shouts at me. "Do you know what that feels like? She's like a sister to me Edward and she doesn't even want to acknowledge me. The most I get is a sms once a week, if I'm lucky. The worst part is you haven't done a fucking thing to fix this."

My annoyance rises at that and I stand a little taller. "I've tried calling her every single day Rose, fuck, sometimes drunk dialing her in the middle of the night over and over. She refuses to take my calls. What the fuck do you want me to do?"

She shakes her head with a sarcastic grin on her face as she looks at me like I'm a piece of shit.

"Even after all this time you're still just as fucking ignorant as the day you lied to her. All she's ever wanted from you was to be honest and to want her as much as she wants you."

"Rose, I've apologized. Over and over on her voicemails," I almost cry, dejection making it difficult to breathe. "And she damn well knows I want her as much as she wants me. She's pissed off, not stupid," I snort.

Rose takes my words in for a few moments and walks over to the kitchen, grabs two beers and I'm surprised when she tosses one my way instead of trying to take my head off with it. I see Emmett visibly relax next to me in my peripheral vision.

"Edward, let me ask you something and I want a straight answer," Rose says and takes a long sip of her Corona. "If the roles were reversed…if she had lied to you and you needed time to work through it…three months later, do you think she'd just accept that you didn't want to talk to her? That she'd keep giving you space to work things out for yourself?"

I contemplated her answer for just a second before I answered.

"No, she wouldn't even have waited that long. She'd be kicking my door down by this time demanding an answer. She'd be fighting for me every step of the way," I answer with small smile, seeing her in my minds' eye doing just that.

Rose doesn't respond. She just takes another sip of beer and keeps watching me, like she's waiting for something…

Holy shit!

And I think she sees the moment I catch on to what she's trying to tell me because for the first time since Bella left again, she gives me a genuine smile.

I gulp my beer down, run over to her and without even thinking of the fact she hates being touched, I pick her up and twirl her around as she steadies herself with her hands on my shoulders, her laughter chasing away a bit of the bitter cold that Bella left behind when she left us.

I put her down and give her a quick hug.

"Thank you Rosalie," I whisper next to her ear.

"Go get her," she answers. "Bring her home. You're the only one that can. And as much as I hate to admit it, it's always been you Edward."

I turn and my eyes fall on a very fucking confused Emmett.

"What the fuck just happened? What did I miss?" he asks looking between us.

"I'm going to get Bella, Emmett. That's what's happening," I answer.

"But she doesn't want to see you," he says, still confused.

I want to laugh at the absurdity of his statement, but until Rose opened my eyes for me a few moments ago, I felt exactly the same.

"Then I'll fight until she does Em," I say as I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'll fight for your sister until I die. Because I can't live without her…and I'm pretty sure she can't live without me."

His confused stare turns into that brotherly one I've loved all the years. The one that tells me I'm family. The one that tells me we'll be best friends until we die.

I don't wait for an answer. I'm out of the door, into my truck.

I don't think of taking a bag. I don't think about the past or the mistakes I made.

I don't think of anything else but seeing Bella.

That and how much I fucking love her.

 **I didn't have much time to reread and fix errors so please excuse any you find.**

 **Reviews…too soon? You guys know at this point I can't drag it out much longer…lol**


	18. Chapter 18

**Readers, reviewers, followers…love you as always.**

B POV

"You miss her. Admit it," I smile Jake's way.

We're on our first floor balcony sipping a belly warming Merlot as we watch the first bronze leaves of autumn drift and tumble in the cool evening breeze.

I thought I would have difficulty watching Jake and Leah together. But the more I watched them, how she seems to care as much about him as he does about her, I only found happiness for my best friend in my heart. And she has no issues with my and Jake's past at all, neither how we joke around with each other or the fact that we share an apartment. Trust. It's as simple as that. She trusts him implicitly, as it should be.

His tanned cheeks are suddenly tinged red as he smiles shyly. These feelings he has for Leah are totally new to him and it's so cute to watch him own up to it.

"Yeah," he says smiling back at me. "Yeah, I do. When she left, when I watched her drive away, it's like I felt this ache deep inside. It's like it's still there every time I think about her."

I know that feeling all too well. The ache I felt driving away from Edward the morning after he spilled the beans has not subsided. I guess I've just kind of learned to live around it. I'm by no means happy, but with Jake's help and sheer willpower, I've managed to claw my way out of the abyss of depression I'd allowed myself to fall into. I don't smoke at all anymore and drinking is reserved for campus parties and a glass of wine here or there with Jake in the evenings.

Initially I had a hard time sleeping alone. I would wake up in the middle of the night, anxious and scared of being alone. Jake used to let me get into bed with him at times like this, holding my hand, patiently waiting for me to fall asleep and then carry me back to my bedroom. After a few weeks of this I woke up one morning with the sun shining through my open curtains. Jake and I did a dorky happy dance and got totally wasted that night. I've not had much trouble sleeping at all after that.

Somewhere in the midst of the hurt and anger, I've managed to find myself again. Jake was right, it was better to know the truth than live a life always wondering. Even if the truth hurt like hell.

"Sam called me this morning," I mention and I laugh as he pales a shade lighter.

"What's wrong Jake?" I joke. "Scared of Leah's big brother?"

"No, of course not," he says as he sits taller, squaring his broad football shoulders and I laugh more. "I just…this is my first visit and it's gonna be a week I'm down there in the same house as him. I just don't want to screw it up, that's all."

"Jake," I sigh as I lean forward and take his warm hand in mine. "Just be yourself. You don't have to pretend anything and Sam will see right through you along with the rest of the pack. I know you've only met briefly surfing and the night I disappeared but I promise you, everything will be okay. Besides, he seems just as nervous as you. Bet you anything Leah warned him to be on his best behavior."

"Nervous?"

"Yeah. He's asking me whether he should allow you guys to share a room or if he should let you sleep in the spare room, stuff like that. I told him that he should ask Leah what she wanted to do and then just go with it. I also told him that Leah couldn't have chosen anyone better than you Jake. Because it's the truth. He trusts me. He knows I would never lie to him."

"Thank you Bella," he says as he leans forward and kisses my forehead before he sits back again.

My phone lights up and buzzes and I pick it up only to throw it down again when I see Jasper's smiling face on my screen. Jake leans over to sneak a peek.

"You know you have to eventually talk to them, right? If only to tell them you never want to talk to them again."

"I know," I say and watch the leaves' acrobatics. "I miss them Jake, I'm not going to lie about that. And I will never stop loving them. And I know deep down inside that they've learned enough of a lesson to never do something like this again because even though they know they hurt me, I also know they never did it maliciously. I just don't know what to say to them."

"And Edward?" he asks carefully.

"I miss him the most," I smile sadly. "He knows what he did was stupid and again, I know he's learned his lesson and fuck, I still love him the same I loved him yesterday…and last year…and four years back."

"Do you think you'll give him a chance again?" Jake asks, knowing that I'll never love anyone again as much as I love Edward.

I shrug. "I don't know," I answer honestly. "I can't explain it. I thought distancing myself from them would give me some perspective, but all it's done is confuse me."

"Then come down with me to Leah. You heard yourself Sam said you can stay there. Leah says Sam, Jared and Paul have been arguing nonstop about who you're going to stay with. They love you too Bella. Remember that. They didn't do anything to deserve not seeing you for so long."

The truth in his statement hits a nerve. "Ouch," I frown his way.

It's his turn to shrug. "Just keeping it real. Just think about it. You have a few days."

His phone rings and he frowns at the screen before getting up and going to the kitchen with our empty glasses.

Jake's voice is softer than usual as he talks in hushed tones, his frown deepening as he listens to whatever the other person is saying. He catches my eye as he looks up and plasters a fake smile on his face. I get up and walk over to him.

"51 Jasmine Avenue. Yeah, if you're coming up the main road you'll see a gas station on your left, that's our street. First floor, apartment 4."

He kills the call and purposefully ignores my questioning gaze as he refills our glasses.

"Jake?"

"What?" He asks innocently as he hands me my glass.

"Who was that?" I ask as an uneasy feeling warms my stomach.

"Edward," he answers casually, staring me straight in the eye.

"What?!" I screech in a very unlady like high pitched voice.

I put my glass down and start pacing, my hands in my hair, my heart threatening to just give the fuck up already.

I turn on him.

"Why would you do that Jake? Without checking with me. Who's side are you on?"

His defensive stare turns to a loving gaze as he nears me. He ignores me when I swat his hands away angrily and pulls me into his strong embrace. I don't bother fighting. I lay my head against his comforting chest and breathe deeply, contemplating the impending meeting with Edward.

"Never ask me that again Bella," he says softly, a hint of hurt in his voice. "You'll always be my first priority. But you know as well as I do that seeing him is long overdue. You need to see him Bella. You said yourself the distance has only confused you. You know as well as I do you need to do this."

I don't answer, stubbornly ignoring the fact that he's right. And stubbornly ignoring the fact that I can't wait to lay my eyes on the man that will hold my heart forever, whether I am with him or not.

 **Next up…Edward arrives. Can't wait!**


	19. Chapter 19

**If I skipped a review here or there, I apologize profusely, everyone knows I love responding to reviews and if I missed one or two here or there, please accept my apology.**

 **So, Edward's on his way…**

"He's here," Jake announces as he walks inside from the balcony and grabs his jacket and keys.

"Where do you think you're going?" I ask snidely as I watch him get ready to leave.

"Don't know," he shrugs, ignoring my angry glare. "Maybe head down to Stones and have a drink with the guys."

"You snake," I hiss at him. "You set this up and then…"

But whatever my pathetic reasoning was going to be is drowned by a knock on the door.

I take a deep breath as Jake opens the door, only for it to get stuck in my throat at the sight of Edward standing on my doorstep. His hair is windblown and disheveled and all I really want to do right now is run my fingers through it. He's nervous as hell as his eyes dart from Jake to me.

"Jake," he acknowledges as he tears his gaze away from me and they shake hands.

"I really hope there will be a time when we can greet each other without wanting to beat the shit out of each other at the same time," Jake smiles at Edward. I'm surprised to see how easy going that smile is; the one where he's totally at ease.

"Yeah," Edward notes, his smile unsure but friendly. "Me too."

Jake turns my way as he grabs a hold of the door to close it behind him. "Call me if you need me."

I nod, my voice stuck somewhere below the breath still stuck in my throat.

The door is hardly closed when Edward walks purposefully my way; his eyes filled with longing and regret and oh so much love.

His arms encircle my waist, pulling me against him. And I let him, because damn, I've missed him so fucking much.

His lips touching mine ignite that slow burning ember inside and I do what I've dreamed of doing for three long months. As my mouth opens to his and our tongues touch I weave my fingers through his hair and tug lightly, smiling against his mouth as he groans softly, his arms pulling me closer.

When he gently pushes me away I try to resist but he doesn't relent and I try to even out my breathing along with him as we stare at each other.

"Talk first," he says, his voice hoarse and sexy as hell.

"Wine? Beer?" I ask breathless as I put some distance between us and take a sip from my glass.

"Beer," he answers and I grab one from the fridge and hand it to him.

We sit on the sofa and I cross my legs sideways, facing him.

"I've missed you," he says as he takes my hand, lacing our fingers. His touch is solid and familiar.

"I've missed you too," I answer honestly. I could play hard to get, tell him I haven't thought about him. But why should I? No more lies, no more secrets. This is the only way this is going to work.

"You've been ignoring me," he says softly, hurt tinging his voice. "I've…I…I thought you didn't want me anymore."

Our eyes lock and I gasp slightly at his admission. It was never my intention to make him feel like that. But what did I expect after choosing not to speak to him for three months?

"I didn't mean to give you that impression," I answer as I squeeze his hand slightly. "I just didn't know what to say to you…or them. It doesn't mean I stopped loving you, or missing you Edward. I'm sorry…"

His finger against my lips silences me as he shakes his head.

"No, no apologies," he says sternly. "I created this fucked up mess we're in, not you. You have your reasons for distancing yourself; you don't need to say sorry. But…" He gets up and walks to the kitchen counter, his back to me for a few seconds before turning again and meeting my gaze.

"I'm here to tell you I can't be away from you anymore Bella. I'm not letting you go without a fight. I'm here to tell you that I'll be fighting from now on every step of the way for you…for us."

His fierce no nonsense voice coupled with the conviction I hear in his words eradicates that final whisper of doubt. This is the Edward I know. This is the Edward I love. The one that's always stood proud, the one that's always owned up to his mistakes and the one that never backs down from a worthy fight. This time, that fight is us, and I don't even have to think about it to know that I'll be fighting along with him every step of the way.

I get up and slowly make my way over to him.

"You hurt me."

"And I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

I take the last step, my arms circling his neck.

"Don't do it again." Even as I say the words I know he never will.

"I learn from my mistakes." His forehead leans against mine, his eyes closed as he speaks.

"Kiss me," I whisper. When his eyes open they're a shade darker. I know that shade. It's the one where he's thinking of all the possible ways he can devour me. My body automatically responds, my breath hitching, wetness pooling between my legs.

"Forgive me," he counters, his gaze pained, his voice pleading for me to do so before he has his way with me.

And in that lust fueled, love induced moment; I realize that I'd forgiven him a very long time ago. I had just been waiting for him to make his move.

"Yes," I answer, our eyes locked.

Relief floods his breathtaking features and he closes his eyes for a few seconds, taking a deep breath and exhaling, like he's exorcising the demon he created that almost tore us apart.

I don't wait for him to open his eyes. I lean forward and my lips brush against his.

His instant reaction has me giggling as he lifts me from the ground, my legs hugging his hips as I lock him to me.

"Bedroom," he mumbles in my neck, nipping, sucking, taking what little breath I have away.

"To the left," I gasp.

He kicks the door closed behind him before putting me down. I need him, fuck, I need him so much I don't even wait for him to undress me as I start doing it myself.

My gaze is locked on his sexy smirk as he follows suit. We're barely naked when he pushes me back on the bed, covering me with is gloriously hard body, his mouth finding mine in a frenzied kiss as his fingers knot in my hair. There's nothing romantic or soft in the way we kiss or touch. This right here is primal and wild, both of us starving for each other through three long months.

I open my legs, letting him settle between them, allowing me to feel him pressing against me.

I tilt my hips towards him as his hot mouth closes over my nipple, his tongue swirling around its aching tip.

His hand comes down and grabs my hip.

"Too fast…" he murmurs against my skin.

"I need you now Edward," I pant as I try to push against his restraining grip.

He lifts his head and his darkened gaze meets mine as his hand travels from my hip to between my legs, his fingers delving softly, two entering me as his thumb lazily rubs at my clit.

"Hhhmmm…so wet for me Bella," he whispers as I moan loudly, my hips meeting his thrusts.

"You…inside…" I stutter between staggered breaths.

He doesn't wait to be asked twice and it's a split second between his hand moving away and him entering me in one hard stroke. All the way, no mercy.

My body arches off the bed towards him, needing to feel him everywhere.

His left arm loops below my leg, pulling it up and I cry out as he enters me again, pushing my boundaries as he fills me.

I know this isn't going to last long, his rhythm is fast, hard and desperate, and the look in his eyes erotically wild as he watches me.

The dull ache spreads slowly but surely through my body with every thrust and when my matching rhythm falters and becomes erratic he knows I'm almost there.

"Come for me Bella," he begs as he moves against me hard and fast. "You're so close, I can feel it."

"Edward…" It's all I can manage before I start clenching around him, my orgasm violently flooding my body with desperate pleasure as I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him closer.

His fingers once again knot in my hair as his lips find mine, our gazes still locked as he pushes against me one last time, groaning into my mouth as he comes, throbbing inside me.

He kisses me softly and tenderly, rolling off me and pulling me against him.

I lay my head in the crook of his neck, my arm around his waist, wrapped up in his embrace.

His fingers draw lazy circles on my back and for the first time since the lie that broke us, I feel whole. I revel in the feeling as I close my eyes, breathing him in as I savor his touch.

"I love you," he whispers into my hair.

"I love you too," I mumble sleepily.

I hear him chuckle at my voice and I fall asleep to the sound of a lullaby falling softly from his lips.

 **Huh? How as that? What you expected or not enough? I mean, I could seriously drag it out but we all know they're going to end up together again so I just couldn't stall any longer.**

 **Love you guys!**


	20. Chapter 20

**So…Jake and Edward have a little heart to heart…I felt it was necessary. And who surprises Jake?**

E POV

I'm woken with the sound of my phone beeping. For a second I'm disorientated…until I feel Bella's warm body pressed against my back and I close my eyes, breathing deeply, the smell of sex and us still hanging in the air.

We hadn't been able to get enough of each other. Even when we weren't making love, we were touching one way or the other. A shudder runs through my body as I remember her taking me in her mouth as far as she could, swallowing around my throbbing head…the feel of her clenching around me as she cried my name into the night when she came. The sound of her voice as she told me she loves me.

I carefully get out or bed, covering her with the sheet before checking my phone.

 _Rose: "No news is good news I suppose. Better not screw this up Cullen."_

I grin as I type back.

 _Me: "No news is good news indeed."_

I switch my phone off and toss it on my jacket in the chair, grinning wider as I think of Rose not getting any more responses and cursing to hell and gone when she phones and can't get through. I owe her big time but not right now.

I pull my pants on quietly and after a stop in the bathroom I head to the kitchen. The clock on the wall says it's a little after two a.m. I open the fridge and stretch as I study its contents, my muscles aching in the most delicious way after the strenuous workout Bella had given it.

I grab a bottle of orange juice and start opening the cupboards to find a glass.

"Last one on the right," I hear a voice behind me.

I spin around in surprise at the voice only to be met by Jake's chuckle, my eyes adjusting enough for me to see the outline of his body on the balcony.

"Fuck, you nearly gave me a heart attack," I say as I walk over to him.

"You don't need a glass. That's Bella's bottle," he says as he points to the orange juice still in my hand. "She hardly uses a glass so she marks her bottles with a cross so I know."

I see the cross on the label as he switches on a soft light off to the side. I sit down opposite him and take a gulp, the cold liquid soothing my dry throat.

I watch him for a while as he takes a sip of his beer, his eyes trained on a stray across the road sniffing along under the lamp post.

"I love her." I don't know why I say it, but I do.

He turns to look at me.

"I know," he nods. "I've known all along. I told her as much."

This surprises me.

"I watched you closely when we were down there. That night in the kitchen, fuck, I so badly wanted to lay into you my fists were literally itching. But I held back every damn time you hurt her not just because hurting you would hurt her, but because any fucking fool could see you loved her and you were hurting right along with her."

I rub my jaw absentmindedly at his words, remembering how my jaw ached for days after his punch. He sees me and a wicked grin breaks out on his russet face.

"You asked for that one," he chuckles.

"I did," I answer, remembering that night even though I've tried so hard to forget it.

"I fucked up bad Jake," I admit. "But I love her too much to let her go. I promise you that I am going make it up to her every single second of forever. She's my reason…my…everything. She always has been."

"I wouldn't let you close to her if I didn't believe that," he says honestly, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his legs. "This is your last chance Cullen, screw this up and I won't stop at one punch this time."

His threat should probably anger me, but all it does is reinforce the fact that he loves her just as much as I do, just in a different way, so all I do is nod my understanding.

A knock on the door surprises us both and Jake glances at his watch frowning.

"Better not be Tyler and the guys. They were wasted when I left them. If they come in here making a noise and wake her, you're going to see a whole new side to that girl of yours," he mumbles as he gets up.

He puts the light on as he walks by and opens the door, the sight awaiting him surprising him so much he takes a step back in disbelief.

"Leah," he almost breathes her name, like he's praying it instead of saying it.

"I…"

But she doesn't get further than that before he pulls her against him and his mouth descends on hers in a tender loving kiss, her hands gripping his shirt as she holds onto him.

"Baby, what are you doing here? Did you drive alone? At night? Do you know how dangerous that is?" he fires questions at her as his hands roam her face, her arms, her back…as if he's checking if everything is intact, that she's not harmed in any way.

"I couldn't…I can't _not_ be with you," she admits, honesty and longing seeping through every word.

A thought comes to him and a wide smile breaks out on his face. "You know this means you have to come to tomorrow night's football game right? See me play?"

She frowns up at him. "I don't know Jake…I don't want to see you get hurt," she murmurs as her fingers trace his face.

"He's sturdy as an ox," Bella's voice chimes in as she comes out of the bedroom yawning, donned in my t-shirt and black boy shorts, her hair untamed and unbrushed and looking sleepy and sexy as hell.

Leah and Bella hug as I take a few steps inside, watching them intently, Leah's face still worried for Jake.

"Besides," Bella soothes, "he's the best fullback this place has seen in years. He's sort of untouchable. He'll be on top form tomorrow night Leah, Coach has word that there's quite a few scouts coming out to see him play. And to be quite honest, it's kinda cool to see him go down once in a while in any case," she jokes as she glances over her shoulder at Jake.

"Hey, you wound me," he mocks as he puts his hand over his heart.

Bella's head cocks sideways and I damn well know she can see me in her peripheral vision as I saunter closer.

"I distinctly remember falling asleep next to someone," she muses just as Leah catches sight of me.

"Oh God, Edward!" she all but yells as she starts walking over to me, but stopping a few steps away looking over to Bella.

"Am I slapping him or hugging him?" she asks.

"Hugging," Bella literally swoons as she looks my way. "Definitely hugging."

"About time," she laughs as she pulls me in for a quick hug before making her way back to Jake's embrace.

Bella's body is soft and warm as she wraps herself around me. "I…when I woke up alone…"

She doesn't continue but I know what she's thinking and I hold her closer, my hands lost in her crazy hair.

"Never again Bella," I whisper at her ear. "Never have that thought again. I promise you that one day you're going to believe that again."

She nods against my chest, her cheek warm and damp against my skin.

"Jake," she mumbles as she looks over at him with big puppy eyes and pouting lips and I see him literally sag in defeat. I know that look all too well, it's not one I can withstand and apparently neither can he.

"Healthy or non-healthy?" he asks.

She frowns for a few seconds before disconnecting herself from me and breezing past him into the kitchen.

Opening the fridge she starts packing out ingredients on the table. Bacon, cheese, eggs, tomatoes.

"Unhealthy it is then," he chuckles. He looks over to Leah and me. "Grab a seat," he says as he points to the high chairs at the counter. "You guys hungry too?"

"Starving," I say as Leah nods.

"Wonder why," Bella muses with her back to me and I know there's a stupid ass grin gracing my face right now. Jake grabs a dish towel, twirling it and as he takes aim I want to warn her but I'm too late. He catches her just below her boy shorts and she yelps as she turns on him.

"Don't do it Bella," he warns as he moves away from her but she keeps going at him. "You know what happened the last time." This makes her stop and him laugh and she huffs at him before going back to the kitchen.

"Bella here thought it a good idea to punch me once after I did that," Jake explains as he leans over and kisses Leah's head lovingly. "Fractured her wrist 'cause no one taught her to punch right."

He jumps out of the way just in time as she goes for him again and Leah and I laugh at their antics.

"Asshole," she smiles at him.

The four of us chatter idly as they prepare a 3 o'clock in the morning breakfast and Leah and I thoroughly enjoy the stories they tell of their time together, life on campus, exams and late night parties.

I wait for jealousy to grab hold of me as I watch them, how they seamlessly work together in the small space as I listen to them. She's allowed him to share so much of her and vice versa. They're connected in a way she and I will never be. But the jealousy doesn't come. It doesn't because I realize once again, just like they love each other, the connection they have is different to the one her and I share, yet equally important.

He'll always be in her life and I'm okay with that. There's no one else I'd rather have to be here with her when I'm not.

 **Thoughts?**

 **Next up, Bella heads back home to face the others…**


	21. Chapter 21

**Okay, so sorry, I promised Bella meeting the family next and the big talk, but there were a few things I needed to take care of before that. But it will definitely be in the next chapter.**

The drive between university and home is usually a long and tiring one. But with the four of us in Jake's car it seems to fly by. Edward and Leah will be going home with us for a few days when we go back and then they'll drive back home in their cars. Edward swopped a few hours ago with Jake, driving us home the last stretch.

"Man," I say as I turn in the front seat towards Jake. "You should have seen Leah's face when Marcus took you down. I had to hold onto her so she wouldn't run out on the field," I laugh.

Jake looks over to her as she scowls at me, even though a smile is tugging at her lips.

"It wasn't funny Bella," she says for the hundredth time since the game. "He could have been hurt."

This makes me laugh even more. "Might be good for him to be humbled," I snicker and Jake leans forward and ruffles my hair.

"Cut it out!" I shout as I shove his hand away and I try my best to get my hair under control. "Anyway, you played a good game Jake. I'm sure those calls will be coming through to coach from the scouts very soon."

The prospect of playing pro has his dazzling smile grow impossibly brighter. Leah sees it as well and mirrors his happiness even though I know she still worries. She does it because it makes him happy and because she loves him much more than her concern of him playing football.

"Yeah, hell of a game Jake," Edward agrees. "Don't forget us when you're rich and famous."

"Nah," Jake says as he leans forward between me and Edward. "I'll keep my faithful minions around."

We laugh as I plant my hand over Jake's grinning face and push him back in his seat.

As I turn back in my seat and pay attention to where we are my insides start churning acid and I swallow hard when I see our little seaside village in the distance. We're about four miles away from me seeing my family…talking to my family since I left.

Edward senses my nervousness and his hand snakes out between us, grabbing mine and squeezing it for support. I try to give him a smile but fail miserably.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Jake asks, concern etching is face.

"No," I say as I turn their way. "You go home with Leah, spend some time with Sam and the pack. We'll meet up later for the bonfire, remember?"

He sags back as he nods, his stare fixed on the passing bushes. I keep watching him for a bit. I see the concentration etched on his face, his jaw clenching and unclenching, his dark brown eyes stormy. And then it hits me hard. So hard that my hand grips Edward's tighter as I take in a few shaky breaths and he glances my way worriedly. Why had I not seen this before? This must be hard for him. He's been my only protector and my safest sanctuary for a long time…there must be a small part of him that's having trouble relinquishing that role to someone else, trusting someone else to look after me the way he did.

"Hey." My voice, hardly audible, coaxes his attention back to me.

"You'll always be my hero Jake," I whisper. "Nothing will ever change that. You know that right?"

"I know," he sighs as Edward turns into Sam's driveway and parks in front of their wood cottage a few streets away from our place. As he shuts off the engine he turns to Jake.

"Jake," he says as he stares straight at him. "You're not second best all of a sudden because I'm back in Bella's life. You should know that. We're both number one to her, just in different ways. She will never stop needing your friendship and she will never stop loving you."

"He's right Jake," Leah says as she grabs hold of his hand. "And the most important part is that Edward gets it, just like I get you and Bella. We're here to support you and love you Jake, not to change what's already there."

He smiles her way lovingly, his fingers brushing her cheek before leaning in for a quick kiss.

"Is this what I'm going to be subjected to the whole week?" Sam asks from outside and I snigger as I see Jake pale as he pulls away from Leah.

We pile out the car just in time to see the rest appear; Jared, Quil, Paul, Embry, Collin, Brady and Seth. They're fanned out behind Sam and I see the irritation on Leah's face as she makes her way around the car.

"Sam!" she shouts. "I warned you. I swear to God I'll…"

But she doesn't get further because Jared can't keep a straight face any longer and bursts out laughing, causing Sam to roll his eyes as Paul tackles Jared to the ground playfully.

"You're a real ass, you know that," Leah says as her brother pulls her in for a hug.

"That's why you love me," he smiles as he lets her go and leans in to shake Jake's hand.

"Hey Jake," Seth says as he comes closer. "I just got the new Call of Duty, wanna play?"

He looks to Leah, his expression evident that he's itching to get his hands on that game.

"Go ahead Big Guy," she says as she shoves him towards Seth. "Besides, he'll keep bugging you until you play with him."

And off they go, followed by everyone except Sam and Leah.

"Remember what I said Sam," I say as I hug him quickly. "You won't find anyone better for Leah than Jake."

"Yeah, I've told the rest to behave as well. Don't worry, Leah will keep everyone under control," he chuckles and she gives him a look that tells him she'll do exactly that.

"Okay, well, we gotta go. We'll see you later on the beach…usual spot?"

"Yip. See you later."

Edward and I don't speak as we make our way over to our house. He seems nervous too, which is expected. We've talked about this in length over the last two days. He'll never forgive himself for what he's done, how it affected me. He also understands that he has to ask all their forgiveness too.

He tore us all apart…only he can put us back together. I sit back in my seat and watch him as he turns off the engine, watching the front door pensively. I smile as I reach out my hand, my fingers tracing the deep frown marring his face. I wonder if he realizes how he's grown.

Edward has always been a good person; someone that loves unconditionally, someone that will go to the ends of the earth for his friends and the ones he loves, someone that would die for me in a heartbeat. I've always loved him and always will. He's changed so much since I last saw him. Gone is the hotheaded Edward that acts on impulse. Gone is the Edward who thought he knew what was best for me, not taking my opinion into account. This man I'm staring at now…he's different yet still my Edward and I don't think I could love him anymore than I do right now.

He catches me staring and gives me that anxious crooked smile that automatically puts me into protection mode. Just as I know he'd protect me with his life, he knows I would do the same for him.

His breath catches and his eyes widen a fraction and I follow his stare, seeing Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice come out the front door.

And suddenly I can't get out of the car quick enough. I know we have a lot to talk about and I know there are things that need to be said. But right now…right now all I want is to feel my brothers' arms around me.

I shove the door open and as I get out I catch his eye. He doesn't hesitate as he pushes poor Jasper out of his way and runs across the lawn to get to me just as I'm running to get to him. I jump as he reaches me, my arms caging around his neck, his strong arms banding around me, squeezing my breath from my lungs.

"Bella, I'm so fucking sorry…" he starts, but I push my finger against his lips, my feet still lifted off the ground.

"We'll talk later Emmett. Right now…I just want you to hold me."

And he does. I wipe the tears from his cheeks before he lets me down slowly, my head now resting against his titan chest.

After a while I ease away from him, stepping back and taking hold of Edward's hand.

"This is how this is going to work," I say, decisiveness heard in every word. "Edward is going to say what he needs to say, I'm going to say what I need to say. You're going to say what you need to say. And then…then it's over. I don't want to talk about it again. We can't move forward if we keep harping on past mistakes. All agreed?"

Nods all around.

Good.

I look at Edward as everyone starts walking in.

"Let's get this over with," I say with a smirk. "We have a bonfire to be at and I don't want to be late."

He chuckles as he pulls me closer, his lips finding mine with slow heated passion.

"Let's do it," he says softly as he pulls me walking beside him. He never lets me lag behind. We both know what I said in the cave that night was the truth. We're stronger together than apart.

Together we can overcome anything.

 **Review?**

 **Talk up next.**

 **Love you guys!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi All. I really have no idea why it was so difficult to write this chapter, it feels like it took forever. Maybe because a few months ago I wanted them to suffer, for her to give them hell. But since then my outlook on life has changed a bit and even though I in no way condone what they did to her, she had to make a decision either way. And so I had this tug of war between suffer and forgive going on the entire time.**

 **Let's see how this plays out…**

"Bella," Emmett starts once we're seated, everyone paired as they usually are. "I can say sorry to you a million times, but I know what I did…I know sorry can't make it right. I hate myself for not being honest with you. I hate myself for watching you go through that pain and not doing a damn thing to make it right. All the reasons I had for justifying my actions seem so fucking stupid now."

He gets up, walks over to me and kneels between my legs on the floor. "All I'm asking for is a chance to show you that I'll never be so stupid again. I love you Bella."

Tears form in his eyes just before I lean forward and wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him close for a few seconds before I let go again, looking him straight in the eye.

"You hurt me the most Emmett," I say softly. "You're not just my brother…you're _everything_ to me."

I look around us at the other faces I love. I can't take much more of this. It's over, what's done is done. We have to move on from here. I push past Emmett and get up.

"I know you all feel the same as Emmett," I say as I look to all of them. "I know this in my heart because I know you. And I know you'll never make this mistake again. We can harp on it all we want to but what's the use? I've forgiven you and…I love all of you, there's not much more to say."

Everyone starts talking at once and I feel overwhelmed with the apologies coming from all sides. Edward sees this and gets up, his hands in the air, silencing everyone quickly.

"I think we should respect Bella's take on this," he says as he reaches for my hand and pulls me into his side. "We've discussed this long and hard over the last few days and all she really wants is to move on. Please, let her do that. She'll raise anything she feels she needs closure on with anyone individually when she feels the time is right."

Everyone nods and between us, there's not one dry eye in the room.

"Which brings me to my apology," Edward brings our attention back to him. "What I asked you all to do for me…it was so wrong of me. I used your friendships in the most horrible way by making you betray someone we all love so much. This whole situation has given me so much to think about, so much to work through. I've seen myself go from the arrogant ass that I was to someone that's realized that honesty always wins, and that my opinion might not necessarily always be the best. It took me hurting the one person I promised I never would," he continues as he looks down at me, our eyes locking, "to wake up and grow up and even though I don't deserve her love right now, I'm still going to be selfish and take it, because I know that one day she'll realize again that I love her more than anything...and that I'll never hurt her again."

His words fill my heart with the love I feel for him, expanding and filling my chest until it feels I can't breathe. I know every word he says is true.

"I love you," I murmur and he leans down and kisses me feather light, his lips but a whisper against mine yet still filled with so much promise.

"I know," he says softly, although everyone is close to enough to hear. "If it wasn't for your love, we wouldn't be standing here right now."

He starts leaning closer again but is pulled away by Emmett.

"Still not comfortable with the whole snogging thing in front of me," Emmett grumbles which effectively breaks the ice and has everyone laughing.

A few minutes of hugs and kisses follow as we all properly greet each other, Rose, Alice and me caught in a three way hug, happy tears and sniffing noses drawing chuckles from the guys.

I glance over at Edward, dwarfed below Emmett's huge arm, his bright green eyes looking up at his best friend, the fear of losing him also now gone.

As he looks over to me I grin broadly as I wink at him through my tears.

We made it. And I guess somewhere deep inside, I always knew we would.

-oOo-

"Fuck this," I grumble around shivering lips and chattering teeth. It's freezing out in the water, even with my wet suit on. I glance over at the fire on the beach, a long stretch of darkness between myself and the source of much needed heat.

"Hey guys! I'm outta here!" I shout to Sam, Paul, Leah and Embry. Let them freeze if they want to.

"Lightweight!" Sam shouts back just before he starts paddling and catches a beauty of a wave in the still of the night as he's cheered on by Paul and Embry.

"Whatever," I say mostly to myself as I make my way back to the beach.

I can hear Jasper strumming away on his guitar, the tune haunted and to be quite honest, a little creepy.

Edward spots me first as I near the circle of warm light, jumping up and grabbing my board, sticking it in the sand next to Jake's brand new Spitfire board Sam took him to buy today.

When everyone else spots me they burst out laughing.

"Wet rat much?" Jasper laughs as he stops playing and I manage a toothy grin and flipping him the bird before Edward unzips me and starts pulling my wetsuit off. I'm enveloped by a huge fluffy towel as he dries me quickly. I put my foot down when he holds my sweat pants for me to get into and I grab it from him.

"Not a baby here," I say as I roll my eyes, dressing myself.

Emmett and Rose snort at once and Alice and I start laughing.

He gives me that lopsided smile I can't resist and as soon as I have his hoodie pulled over my head I pull him in for a hug. He falls for it.

As I peck a quick kiss to his lips I slide my icy hands underneath his shirt, his body hot beneath my touch, making him jump away from me in a flash.

"Gotcha," I sing his way just before I fall down on the blanket he has laid out next to the fire.

"Not nice," he says as a shiver visibly runs up his spine.

"You fell right into that trap with your eyes closed man," Jake laughs as he gets up, taking off his shirt and pulling his wetsuit up all the way.

"What are you doing?" I ask worriedly, my eyes darting between him and the dark expanse of the Atlantic.

"What does it look like?" he asks as he walks over to his board.

"Jake, I don't think this is a good idea. You've never surfed at night, hell; you've only just started recently. Besides the fact that it's freezing, the swells are pretty big out back and that's where the guys are."

I'm voicing my concern even though I know he won't listen. He's indestructible, his words, not mine.

"She's right Jake," Rosalie says as she watches him ruffle my hair as he passes me and grabs his new board.

"Leave him alone," Seth pipes up, sticking up for his new buddy. "You're embarrassing him going all girly on his ass."

Jake flashes him his signature gorgeous smile before he winks my way. He sees the frown between my eyes and walks over.

He bends down and plants a kiss on my forehead before shoving me playfully back into Edward's arms.

"Stop worrying," he laughs at me as he turns and jogs into the darkness.

"Like that's ever gonna happen," I mutter to myself as I snuggle into Edward's chest, his warmth enveloping me as I take a sip of his beer and Jasper starts playing something a little less creepy.

 **I still get so many pm's asking me how I'm doing. Although I answer each one of them personally, I would just like to say here again how much they all mean to me.**

 **It would have been Shaun's birthday on 5 September so I've been a bit more down than usual, but all in all, I like to believe I'm pulling through okay, well, as okay as can be expected.**

 **Review? Always appreciated!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi everyone! Mixed feelings on the last chapter on how fast she forgave them. I think we need to keep in mind that three months passed where she gave them the silent treatment, lol.**

 **This chapter is a bit longer than usual, but it just played out that way…so…enjoy!**

 **EPOV**

"… _And she believes in me  
I'll never know just what she sees in me  
I told her someday if she was my girl  
I could change the world  
With my little songs, I was wrong  
But she has faith in me  
And so I go on trying faithfully  
And who knows maybe on some special night  
If my song is right  
I can find a way  
While she waits  
While she waits  
For me"_

Jaspers' voice dies down as his fingers still on his guitar. He's always been a sucker for Kenny Rodgers, much to Alice's dismay, but even she has stars in her eyes as she lies on her stomach sipping wine and watching the man she loves sing. He only has eyes for her and it reminds me how deep their connection is, how deep it always has been. I shudder slightly as I think of the strain I put on their relationship with my lie, of the damage I could have caused.

Emmett and Rose left a few minutes ago, unable to keep their hands of each other as usual. Bella seems tired but she asks me to hang back to give them some privacy.

"Want to sleep at my place tonight?" I ask as I play with her hair. I've had enough of sharing her today.

She twists in my arms; her eyes alight with the reflection of the fire.

"Really?" she asks stunned.

We've never slept over at my place, not in all the years we were together. Sure, she's visited and I think we've pretty much christened every surface in my house, but I've always taken her home to Emmett. It always just seemed like the right thing to do, even if she never agreed with me.

"Really," I nod with a slow smile.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" she asks as she now sits up fully, turning to me. "Not that I'm complaining," she adds quickly before I can respond and I chuckle softly at her enthusiasm.

"I love you Bella," my simple answer is. "I've realized that in the past, I've sometimes put how we feel on the back burner to please other people, especially Emmett. I know he's not stupid, he full well knows what we do when we're alone, but I've always kept in mind that he's your big brother and that it just felt like the right thing to do by him."

"And now?" she asks softly.

I lean forward, my lips meeting hers gently, lingering there for a few moments before I pull back.

"This time around Bella, it's all about you and me. All these years I've dreamed of having you in my bed all night, sleeping next to you, waking up with you, having your toothbrush next to mine in the bathroom. And I know you've dreamt of it too. But you were still finishing school and like I said, it was out of respect for Emmett as well. I don't want to dream about it anymore," I confess, her eyes locked with mine are shiny with unshed tears.

As the first one escapes I catch it with my thumb, my hand cupping her face as she leans into my touch.

"I plan on spending the rest of my life with you Bella. Forever. I don't see why we should be apart any more than what is necessary. Emmett has to understand that. And if he doesn't…well, that's his problem."

She stares at me incredulously. "You'd go against my brother on this if he doesn't approve?"

"Yes," I answer fervently. "He's my best friend, but he has to start realizing that we're not kids anymore Bella. And I'm tired of sneaking around behind his back to spend alone time with you. I'm tired of kissing you goodbye at your front door and going home to an empty house. I'm tired of lying awake at night wondering if you're asleep or whether you're lying awake like me, thinking of me too. And I'm tired of his comments when we're all together and I kiss you while I have to watch him sucking face with Rose every chance he gets. It ends now. Because I want to show you every moment we're together that you're the very best part of me and that our love comes first."

She wipes the tears from her face, her smile wide and happy, and her eyes sparkling and bright. God, she's beautiful.

Bella opens her mouth to speak but she's distracted by the laughter and loud voices of Sam and Paul and she turns around as the group comes into view, putting their boards down and starts unzipping their wetsuits.

Leah looks around and her eyes land on Bella.

"Jake gone home already?" she questions as she starts pulling her wetsuit down.

This gets everyone's attention that has been lazing on the beach.

"What do you mean? He hasn't come back," Bella answers as she gets up fast. "How long ago did he leave you?"

Leah's expression turns panicked as she tries to remember, her body shaking from the cold as she pulls a track pants on, not bothering to dry herself. "Fifteen minutes…twenty tops," she replies.

"You let him come back out alone!?" Bella shouts at Sam. I glance around and I notice everyone, including me, is up on their feet.

"He said he was fine," Sam frowns as his eyes start scanning the beach.

Bella walks away from the fire a little bit, her stare set on the water and I know she's checking the direction of the flow.

"Maybe he misjudged how far the tide was pulling him down," Embry offers as he stands next to Bella. "He's probably come out at the bottom and walking back up," he says as he points towards the Bluff.

This innocent comment has Bella trembling, the fear on her face intensifying as she looks over at Leah.

"It's high tide, if that's what happened…he doesn't know it well enough to maneuver past the rocks. It's dark, he can't see anything. He'll be crushed."

"Bella…" Leah says as she steps closer to her, her hand shaking as she reaches for Bella's. As I watch her face, I realize the shaking in her hand has nothing to do with the cold anymore. She's just as worried as Bella.

My girl looks over at me, terror in her eyes. I feel helpless. I've never surfed with them, I've never even tried to go in the water at the Bluff at high tide, it's just too dangerous. I watch as her terror turns to something else, a panicked resolve that she has to get to her best friend somehow.

Her resolve fills my heart with dread because I know that look. She'll do anything to get to Jake. Even put herself at risk.

I try to catch her off guard, lunging suddenly to grab her but she sidesteps and turns in one smooth move…and then she takes off towards the Bluff.

Sam and I stupidly stare at each other for a few seconds, wasting precious time before we take off after her. I hear Jasper shout at Alice to get Emmett.

I pass Paul in front, the fastest in the group besides me. I need to get to her before she does something stupid.

I can see her outline ahead in the darkness. She's pushing herself hard and fast. It helps her cause that she used to do track in high school too and she's fit as hell, which puts us all at a slight disadvantage.

I see her at the water's edge, the rocks like jagged teeth jutting out everywhere among the breakers that suddenly seem so big to me. She wavers a fraction of a moment as she sees something floating in the shallow water. And then she goes in.

"Bella! No!" I shout and I push myself harder. But as I reach the water's edge I see her disappear behind a massive swell as it runs through the rocks, curling with massive power before it breaks, the sound echoing in the otherwise silent night. Something nudges against my foot and I stare in horror at a broken piece of Jake's board that the sea just delivered to my feet.

I take off after her but Paul's right beside me and he pulls me back, Embry grabbing me from behind as I struggle against him. I'm no light weight, but damn, this kid is strong.

"You don't know these waters Edward," Paul says as he pushes his arms through the wetsuit that he never got to finish taking off. I see Sam and Leah do the same. "We haven't got time to worry about you being out there as well. We need to get to Bella. The clothes that she has on are going to weigh her down, especially that hoodie. It's going to tire her out quicker."

He doesn't wait for an answer as he zips himself up and turns, sprinting through the shallow waters and diving over a breaker, disappearing from our sight.

"Leah," Sam warns as she wants to follow him. "No way. I already have Bella out there. Stay put."

She starts shaking her head, tears flowing freely down her face and she starts moving again but he pushes her back.

"I mean it!" he warns her gruffly. "I know you know this surf just as well as the rest of us, but I need to focus on getting to Bella. If you're out there too, I'll be distracted worrying about you and it's not going to help."

She stares at him for a few seconds, letting the truth of his words seep through her shivering body before her shoulders slump and she nods, taking a step closer to me.

Sam looks over to Jasper and he comes closer to me too.

"Edward, I need Embry, he's a good swimmer. But I need to know when he lets you go that you're not going to follow us in there. You're not going to help her at all by putting yourself in danger. Do you understand me?"

I want to argue, I want to turn around and punch Embry in the face for keeping me from getting to Bella. But deep down I know he's right. Getting Bella out is the most important issue at hand right now. Me going into unknown territory and taking attention away from the only people that can help her is just plain stupid.

And so I nod. Sam in turn looks over my shoulder and nods at Embry, whose vice grip loosens and he steps around me pulling his wetsuit up too.

I stare helplessly at them as they disappear the same way Paul went.

Jaspers' hand rests on my shoulder and I look over at Leah as a sob escapes from her gasping mouth. I don't hesitate to pull her closer and under my arm and she circles her arms around my waist, holding me frighteningly tight.

"Bella will find him Leah," I say softly as I rest my chin on her head, my eyes scanning every inch of the water I can see. "They'll both be okay."

The words are meaningless…empty…useless. I might as well have kept quiet. There is no conviction in them. Only the nauseating anxiety I feel inside.

 **Okay, there we have it. Will Bella get to Jake in time? Will the others find her to help her?**

 **Review? Love them all! If not, please know I still appreciate that you're still hanging with me on this one!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you for the reviews and the PM's. As always, they mean the world to me!**

 **I'm not going to keep you long…let's see how Bella fares in finding Jake…**

B POV

It's cold. Fucking cold. The rough water pushes and pulls as I try to swim between the teethed rocks all around me trying to find Jake. I've swallowed sea water to the point of nausea.

I managed to climb atop a rock a few minutes ago, ridding myself of my hoodie and sweat pants, my bikini offering no resistance against the iciness of the Atlantic Ocean. But it was getting too heavy and I knew I wouldn't last too long if I kept them on.

I don't know how long I've been out here. Seconds…minutes…hours, my brain refuses to think beyond anything except the mind numbing chill of the sea.

I hold my breath as a breaker heads my way and I dive before it can carry me into one of the rocks.

When I surface seconds later I'm facing the Bluff…and that's when I spot him. He's draped over one of the lower rocks close to the cave's entrance.

It's a daunting swim in this rough waters but I don't hesitate for a second before I pull every ounce of energy I have left together and start swimming.

It feels like forever before he's almost in arms' reach and I'm so focused on him I don't pay attention to my surroundings. The wave hits me out of nowhere and I don't have time to take a breath before it forcefully sweeps me with it. I panic as it twists and turns me hard and fast and suddenly I strike something hard against my back, my body arching unnaturally backward as the wave keeps me plastered against it before it passes me, leaving me heaving and crying. A stabbing pain knocks the bit of breath I've managed to catch from my lungs as I push myself away from the rock, a dull ache spreading through my back and down my legs.

I grab onto a small sharp rock jutting out of the surface just ahead of me and stop kicking, the pain not leaving my back, but easing somewhat. Shit, this is all I need.

I look to where Jake is still lying unconscious. The rock had stopped me being carried away from him too far and I try to ignore the pain that flares up when I let go and start swimming towards him. Every movement of my legs sends sharp stabbing shocks up my spine.

When I reach him I manage to pull myself up next to him which causes me to cry out at the pain that is worsening. I'm on my knees as I turn him over, my head dipping to his mouth and my hand on his chest. He's breathing. I want to cry from relief. I quickly inspect a nasty gash on his forehead that seems to have stopped bleeding, for now it seems to be okay.

"Jake…Jake, can you hear me?" I ask softly, my fingers running through his dark hair, my other hand shaking his shoulder softly.

"Jake, please…please wake up," I plead and shake him a little harder.

He groans just before his eyes open, meeting mine slowly.

"Bella," he says softly as his arms come up and pull me to him. I struggle to hold back a sob because of the pain, but I manage. I don't need him worrying about me right now.

"What happened Jake?" I ask as he sits up, his hand holding his head. I instinctively run my hands over his arms, his torso, his legs, wanting to feel for myself that he's in one piece.

"I don't know," he mumbles as he takes in our surroundings, his fretful frown also filled with confusion. "I was coming back in and suddenly it was like I was being pulled in a different direction. I tried to paddle out of it, but I couldn't. The next thing I knew I was thrown against a rock and I lost my board. I tried to swim for the shore but I just got slammed against rock after rock. I knocked my head pretty bad and I felt like I was going to pass out. I managed to get up on this rock. I don't know what happened then, next thing I know you're waking me."

"Oh Jake, I thought I'd lost you," I say as I allow him to pull me against his chest again, holding on to him for dear life.

After a while I pull away from him, looking around, trying to figure out the best course of action. There's no way I can make it back to shore, the burning pain in my back worsening as I think of the long swim back.

I sit for a while staring at the cave's entrance. It's not far off and even though it's risky, if we can get up on the rocks to the right of the entrance, we can make it. We'll be safe there until the tide ebbs.

"Jake, I need you to answer me honestly. You see that cave over there?" I ask pointing to the Bluff.

He nods.

"Think you can make it to there? We'll have to pull ourselves up on the right hand side. The sea is rough Jake, we're gonna take a beating but its the only place I can get us to right now so we can get dry. I need to know if you can do this Jake," I say seriously as I eye the cut on his forehead.

He nods again. "I'm with you Bella. I can make it."

I don't question him again and I stand up, biting my lip to stifle a moan as my back protests.

Jake gets up too and assesses my expression. "You're hurt," he states. I don't bother lying to him but I choose to leave out the specifics until later. As a footballer he knows just how serious a spinal injury can be and there's no way he'll let me swim for the cave if he knows what the problem is. I can't risk it; if he makes us stay because of my injury and the sea gets any rougher, the rock we're currently on will be covered in water and we might both end up dead.

"Yeah," I sigh. "But I'll be fine to the cave Jake. Let's get this over with."

I see his frown but turn my back to him, crouching and sliding back into the icy water. Jake follows at my side and I wait for a few swells to pass, trying to time the spaces in between. When I'm comfortable with my assessment of the conditions I glance at Jake quickly.

"Stay with me, don't lag," I warn just before I kick away from the rocks.

The swim takes me longer than usual. My breath is haggard and short within minutes because of the effort it takes to force myself to kick my legs and to endure the ache that is now creeping up my spine.

We reach the right hand side rocks without incident but I know we need to move fast. If we're caught here when the next wave hits, serious injuries will follow, if we make it at all.

I glance behind me as Jake effortlessly finds a foot hole and heaves himself up. I have maybe a minute to get up, if I'm lucky. I've timed it perfectly. We followed right behind the swell that broke viciously against the face of the Bluff just before we reached it.

I manage to get my foot in the same place but my arms are too short to grip the top or reach Jake's outstretched hand.

"You're gonna have to try and get your fingers into that crack Bella," Jake says as he eyes the coming swell. "If you can just balance enough to push yourself up I can grab you."

I nod and find the crack he pointed at, my fingers barely edging in but I think it will be enough.

I take a deep breath and I start crying as I put pressure on my foot, which in turn ups the intensity of the pain in my back to the point where I think I'm going to faint.

I sag back in to the water. I can't do this. I can't think beyond the excruciating pain wracking my body.

"Bella," I hear Jake say and I look up at him through blurred vision. "You don't have much time. I know you're hurt, but please, for me, you have to get up here Bella."

He looks behind me quickly before looking back down, the fear in his eyes intensified. The swell must be close, but I don't look. I focus on my foot in the hole as I reach up again for the crack.

I look up at him. He's on his knees, his arm stretched down as far as it will go. His eyes are pleading with me to reach him. And so I try to focus on that, on his hand reaching for me, on the look in his eyes. I take a deep breath and bite on my teeth as I push myself up towards him.

My fingers are inches away from his…if I can just push myself up a little more I'll reach him.

But as I stretch my aching body and our fingertips touch, my fingers slip out of the narrow crack and I lose my balance.

The last thing I see is the look of horror on Jake's face as I slip away from him…and then I go under.

 **Jake and Bella are really in a predicament here. Will she get to him in time? Edward must be overwrought with worry too.**

 **Review? Love you if you do, still love you if you don't.**


	25. Chapter 25

**So, sorry about the last two cliffies, lol. I really don't plan it that way. I wrote this chapter and the previous chapter in one but due to the word count had to cut it somewhere.  
**

 **Let's find out if Bella gets herself out of this mess…**

 **B POV**

"Bella!"

I hear Jake shout as I surface and I manage to grab onto the side of the rock again, my foot finding the same hole.

"You have to get up here now!" he shouts, panic evident in his voice as his eyes jump between me and the oncoming wave.

I can do this, I chant in my head over and over as I force my fingers as deep as they'll go into the crack. My fingers burn as the rocks' rough sharp edges bites into my skin but at least I have a better hold than the first time.

I look up to Jake, his hand outstretched again, his eyes focused on me, that frown I love so much crinkling his forehead. I take two deep steady breaths and ready myself.

"Now Bella!" he yells and I push up as hard as I can, at the same time swinging my arm around and toward his eager hand.

As soon as he grips onto me I let go of the rock with my other hand and grip onto his arm as he pulls me up with ease. I don't have time to recover before Jake almost throws me down on the somewhat flat, hard surface and covers my body with his own just before the wave crashes against the face of the cliff, water pouring over us, threatening to take us with it, but Jake somehow holds firm.

As soon as the water subsides he jumps up, taking my hand and pulling me up, but as I stand a hot fiery sensation shoots down my legs and a strangled moan escapes my lips as I start crumbling back down.

Jake bends and lifts me up in his arms carefully. I'm out of breath and so tired. I lay my head against his chest, watching as he carefully walks the slippery rocks and into the cave, every step he takes reverberating up my spine.

"Right at the back," I say as I point feebly towards darkness ahead. "It's the only way we'll stay dry. The big waves will still come in here until the tide starts pulling back."

He walks quickly through the darkness towards the back, finding the most even piece of surface before kneeling and laying me down. I wince as the cold rocks touch my aching body and fresh tears start running.

"You're bleeding," he says as he lifts my hand, my fingers bloody and cut badly from forcing them into the crack. He unzips his wetsuit, pulling it hallway down before taking off his rash vest. He tears off a strip at the bottom and bandages my hand as best as he can.

"Now," he says as he stares at me. "Where else are you hurt?"

I sigh before I start telling him what happened. By the time I'm finished relaying my mishap and subsequent symptoms, he's beyond furious.

"Why didn't you tell me this out there Bella?" he asks angrily. "I wouldn't have let you do the swim. You know how dangerous spinal injuries are. You saw what happened to Alistair three games ago Bella. He might never walk again."

I know he's right but I feel so vulnerable right now his anger gets my tears going again and I turn my head, looking away from him. I'm freezing but I'm too sore to move.

It's not long before I feel him sit down next to me and I turn my head again, looking up at him as he reaches out and strokes my shoulder with his fingers.

"Bella…fuck, you're too cold," he says. He stares down at me for a while longer and lies down, facing me. "I shouldn't be moving you at all, but if I leave you like this hypothermia is a sure risk. I don't know what to do," he confesses, looking to me for guidance.

My teeth clatter noisily as my body is involuntarily afflicted by shudders and I try to hold back new tears but it's no use.

"Move me Jake," I beg; the pain of the cold hard rocks beneath my back almost unbearable. "Please…"

He seems torn as he evaluates me for a little while longer. I know he's weighing the pros and the cons of moving me. I can't bear it any longer and before he can stop me I grab onto his arm and quickly pull myself towards him which turns me onto my side.

"You're the most stubborn person I know," he grumbles as he gently wiggles his arm under my side, wrapping it firmly around my waist, his hand resting on my shoulder blade. His top arm snakes around my ass and he grabs my hip.

"I'm going to roll with you Bella. I'm trying as best as possible to keep you straight but I'm going to need you to try and keep your legs lined up with hips as much as possible, okay?"

I nod and brace myself for more pain. He doesn't warn me before he rolls over with me on top of him, keeping me straight as much as possible. I try and internalize the pain as much as possible but a low groan escapes my lips anyway.

His skin feels hot against my cold body and once again I think of how warm he is in every way.

I lay my head on his chest, his arms around me, holding me carefully yet safely cocooned against him.

"Silly girl," he whispers against my hair. "You should have waited for help. You could have been killed."

"You would have done the same for me. I...all I could think of was getting to you. I was so scared Jake, scared of what I'd find when I found you. But what really scared the hell out of me was that I might not find you at all."

He doesn't answer; he knows it's the truth. He would walk through the fires of hell to keep me safe.

My eyes close even though I try to keep them open. Jake's body slowly warms me up a bit, even though the shivering doesn't stop. The pain in my back has subsided fractionally to a dull ache, throbbing on a rhythm of its own.

Edward, he must be beside himself with worry, I think and the thought of him hurting brings on the waterworks again. I sob into Jake's chest as he rubs soft, soothing circles between my shoulder blades.

He starts humming a random tune and his voice coupled with the vibration in his chest against my cheek comforts me a little bit.

It's not long before I lose myself in the darkness, shutting out the fear and the pain for a while, Jake's voice fractionally calming my soul.

 **EPOV**

I check my watch again. Ten more minutes and it will be two hours since Sam, Paul and Embry went after Bella.

I push my hand through my hair as I turn my back to the water, taking in the scene before me.

Emmett, Rose, Alice and Seth had arrived about fifteen minutes after Bella went in the water. Seth had gone with Alice, not wanting to leave her to run the dark beach alone to Emmett.

They had run into Mike and Jessica on their way and quickly relayed what happened. The worried couple arrived about ten minutes ago armed with dry towels, a few blankets and three thermos filled with steaming hot coffee along with a back pack I saw Emmett rummaging through filled with a couple of torches and some first aid stuff. I've never cared much for Mike, but I can't find anything but gratitude in my heart for him right now.

Jessica had put a blanket down on the sand and all four girls are now sitting atop it, another blanket covering them. Leah is trying really hard to put on a brave face, but every time she catches my eye she starts crying again so now I try not to look her way.

Jasper is on the phone with the coast guard again giving them an update. The water is too rough this close to the Bluff to deploy a boat and their helicopter is en route to a boat off the coast that's in trouble. They've sent a few divers our way in the meantime but the driving time is three hours, which means it will take them another hour minimum to get here.

I close my eyes for a few seconds, willing myself to stay positive. I have to believe that Bella will be okay. She's a strong swimmer, she's been surfing these waters all her life. And she has the best possible group of guys helping her.

A splash to my side has my eyes flying open and I almost sag in relief as I see bodies emerge from the water one by one.

"Thank God," I hear Leah cry as the girls get up.

She runs to them but comes to an abrupt halt when she notices what I saw just before she did.

My relief is short lived.

No Bella…and no Jake.

Questions whirl around in my head but I can't voice them. My mind has shut down and my body won't move.

"Sam?" Leah says her brother's name softly. He reaches for her, tears forming rapidly in his weary eyes, but she steps back.

Paul steps into view from behind Sam and then I see it. And I know everyone else does too because Alice and Rose start crying uncontrollably and I hear Emmett's soft unbelieving "no" as he steps up next to me. Jasper comes up on my left, our eyes glued to the piece of clothing hanging from Paul's hand.

My hoodie, the one Bella was wearing.

I slowly walk forward, my hand outstretched and Paul hands it over to me. I look up to him dumbly, my eyes searching for any sign that there's still hope. That maybe I'm wrong, that they've found her but she's waiting out the tide safely on one of the higher rocks. But I find no hope in his tired brown eyes. His face portrays that of a heart broken, beaten man. A man that has just lost a friend he's had since before he could walk. A friend that he loved dearly, a friend that he would have died for, just like me and every other person now surrounding us.

I try hard to stay upright but my knees give in and I drop, clutching the drenched hoodie to my chest like a lifeline. I bury my face in the wet fabric, inhaling deep and slow, trying to find any scent of Bella in its saltiness, but I come up empty handed.

I feel the stares of everyone on me and I try for a while to contain the building scream in my chest, its fierceness bubbling and brewing, begging for release as I rock back and forth, begging myself to wake up from this nightmare. I try desperately to hold myself together as I listen to Leah's wails of grief at losing Jake.

I'm not sure how long I sit like this, rocking...rocking...rocking...I can hear myself mumbling but I don't know what I'm saying.

And then, suddenly, I can't keep it in anymore. I let go and allow the fact that I've lost Bella forever to flood my system. It explodes in my heart and my chest constricts with bone crushing grief.

I throw my head back and look up to the stars as a feral scream rips loose from deep inside, filling the night air around us and echoing off the Bluff.

She's gone. She's gone again. But this time, she's not coming back.

 **So…technically not that much of a cliffie as we know for the time being Bella is safe with Jake. But Edward…my heart is breaking for him right now.**

 **Review? Love them all!**


	26. Chapter 26

**B POV**

I wake up groggily and disorientated. The body beneath me is warm and familiar and for a moment I close my eyes and smile as I listen to Edwards even breathing.

But then I move to get up and a hot prickly sensation spreads through my lower back like wildfire.

Memories of last night come crashing back with a vengeance.

I'm not at home. It's not Edward I'm lying on. And I'm badly hurt.

Jake stirs at my movement, his arms banding around me slightly tighter, instinctively holding me so I don't roll off, even in his sleep.

I lift my head and study him for a while. He's frowning, even in his sleep and I reach up slowly, running my fingers between his eyebrows, trying to smooth the worry etched on his handsome face.

Terror takes a bite at my heart when I think of the possibility that I might have lost him last night. And I realize all too well that had I not found Jake, I might not have made it back to the others with my injury.

I'm still staring at him when his eyes open, focusing on me immediately. He's just woken yet his eyes are alert and aware.

"You okay?" he asks as he tucks his one arm under his head while holding me steady with the other.

"Not sure, haven't moved a lot yet. But I tried to get up earlier and decided against it...its just too sore."

He looks over my shoulder towards the entrance of the cave.

"Suns out. Just barely, but its enough to see," he says. "Bella, I have to roll you back over again. I have to take a look outside and weigh our options."

I nod and he wraps his arms around me like he had last night.

"Same maneuver," he says and after I nod again he gently but quickly rolls me over. The cold of the rocks makes me hiss and even though the pain hadn't gone away, where it was more of an irritating niggle when I woke up, it was back full force now from the movement.

Jake sees my face as I try very hard to keep it together and he runs his fingers down my cheek.

"Sorry Bella, but I have to get us out of here."

"I know," I gasp. "Go have a look and then let me know the conditions outside. I'll be able to give you the best route out of here based on that."

Jake jogs over to the mouth of the cave. He peers outside but momentarily jumps back and to the side, narrowly missing the lip of a wave as it pour water into the only way out for us. He waits for the water to pull back a bit before he walks out onto the ledge and looks around.

"Tides in again," Jake says annoyed as he walks back over my way. "Looks rough, but with the sun out I can see around me, I should be able to make it."

I shake my head immediately. "No way. You're not going out there, there's no way. At least not till its low tide. It takes about six hours between tides so we'll just wait it out a bit. If the water's already that high it shouldn't be more than a few hours before it starts pulling back. When it's low, you can get to the beach safely."

His irritation flares. "Am I the only one that knows how important it is to get you to help? We don't know what injury we're looking at Bella. The longer it takes to get you diagnosed and seen to, the bigger the chances that…"

He looks away and up, his jaw set as he calms his breathing.

"Hey," I say softly but he ignores me. "Jake," I try again.

When he finally looks at me my heart constricts when a few tears escapes his eyes, ones he seems to have been desperately trying to keep in.

"Come here," he whisper and he reluctantly walks over to me and sits down, my hand finding his fast and holding on tight.

"I know how serious this is Jake, I'm not making light of it. But I also won't let you risk your life like this when all we need to do is hang on a little longer for it to be safer. Please, you know I'll be so worried about you I'll try and follow you and that's worse, isn't it?"

He sneaks a peek at me before looking away and nodding. He knows I'll do it too.

"I just want you safe Bella. Away from this cold and this pain. You need to be looked at. I don't know what I'll do if there's any permanent damage Bella. This is my fault to begin with. You told me not to go in."

"None of this is your fault Jake," I say angrily. "They shouldn't have let you come out alone with the conditions as it was. But this isn't their fault either. I had the option to wait for them, and I didn't. Please just be patient for now."

He lies down next to me on his side, his arm wrapping around me. His body heat gives little relief to the iciness that seems to have lodged itself in my bones, but I keep that to myself.

He doesn't say it, but I know he must be thinking about Leah. About how she must be feeling thinking the worst. I know because not a moment has passed that I have not had Edward on my mind.

 **E POV**

"How long, Jasper?" I ask impatiently as my friend kills the call he was on.

"The helicopter is still busy with the Evac of that boat. They've deployed the rescue boat like I told you earlier. But with the tide in again, they'll have to wait it out until it recedes before they can get in there."

"Fuck!" I shout as I glance behind him. The group of people has grown considerably. Bella grew up here, everyone knows her and she's loved by many. Some have come with more food and drinks, others blankets, towels and warm clothes. Some just to lend support. The divers are trying to warm themselves up with the help of some residents; they had to pull back due to conditions as soon as the tide came up again.

"They're doing everything they can Edward," Jasper responds to my tirade.

"Their everything is not enough," I mumble as I walk past him.

I start walking away from the crowd towards the Bluff, needing to be alone with my thoughts for a while, needing to try and convince myself that this is not a recovery operation yet. There's still a chance Bella is okay, I need to believe that. I have to hold onto that otherwise I'll break.

"Where you going?" Emmett asks as I pass him and Rosalie.

I don't answer him; don't even glance his way as I keep walking. I can't bear to see the pain reflected in his eyes. The pain at losing his sister. The sister that cut him out of her life for three months because of what I did. The guilt is crippling, but I keep it to myself. It's my cross to bear.

I reach the face of the Bluff, leaning against its cold, wet surface, my hands running over its rough exterior. I close my eyes for a while, remembering our last time in the cave. I feel her hands on my skin, I feel her lips on mine, and I see her looking at me with her eyes filled with sadness, yet so much love.

The cave…the cave…

Could she? No, I argue with myself. There's no way she would have been able to get in there with the tide high. She told me herself last time she had to wait it out and with the rough conditions of last night, she would have been pulverized if she had tried to hold on the side waiting for it to ebb.

Yet…this is Bella…she's tenacious enough to have tried everything in her power to get back to us. She's never given up anything in her life without a fight.

A flicker of hope ignites in the pit of my stomach but I suppress it, refusing to get my hopes up only to find that I'm wrong.

I stand back a few feet, eyeing our usual route up. I throw a glance over my shoulder. No one's even remotely paying attention to me. I don't want to give anyone false hope…but I have to try. I have to see for myself she's not there.

And then I start my way up the easy side as fast as I possibly can.

"Please," I whisper as I focus my attention on the path in front of me, that flicker of hope now a burning ember even though I'm trying very hard to douse it. "Please don't leave me like this."

 **Edward, I could kiss you right now! Go boy!**

 **Review? Love every single one I get!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Let's find out how if Edward finds Bella, shall we?**

 **B POV**

We've been lying quietly for a long time, lost in our own thoughts. The silence eventually gets to me.

"So, seeing as though we're alone for a while, how are things going with Sam?"

Jake smiles wide.

"Good, really good. I mean, it's only been a day, but everyone has been really great. And Seth, man, he's a good kid."

"I told you not to worry. They're good people Jake. Leah, she must be going crazy right now," I end off softly.

His smile fades. "Yeah, I keep thinking about that. I know I'd be beside myself if something had to happen to her and I couldn't get to her."

"We'll be out of here soon, just hang tight." I offer the words as consolation but they carry little weight. I'm tired. Tired of being so cold. Tired of this ache that won't go away. Tired of being scared of the consequences of my careless actions. But what I'm even more scared of is watching Jake leave the cave and having no way of knowing if he made it okay before they get back to me.

We're lost in ourselves again for a while when we hear a scraping and footsteps just outside the entrance. Jake automatically shifts his body into a protective crouch in front of me even though we both know someone has found us at last.

I expect someone from the coast guard dressed in red, some brave soul that has risked his life to find us. But the man that rounds the corner is not a rescue guard. The man that rounds the corner is dressed in the same blue jeans and black hoodie he had on the last time I saw him. The man that rounds the corner looks tired, his face haunted, yet frantic beyond control as his eyes search the cave.

And then he sees us. Well, sees me, I'm not even sure he notices Jake's presence because his eyes don't stray from mine. For a few seconds he just stares at me, relief, love, fear, longing…the emotions flash in his eyes so fast, like he's trying to catalogue them and decide on which one he should be feeling.

Jake getting up has us break eye contact and as Edward jogs to us I yet again ignore my injury and try to get up. I need to get to him, seeing him is just not enough right now. I bite back the tears as much as I can and I'm nearly on my feet when I feel a slight shift in my lower back and the pain doubles, causing my skin to instantly break out in a cold sweat and my hand shoots out to Jake's shoulder.

He turns at my touch and is just in time to catch me before I fall back down.

"Bella!" Edward shouts and before I know it he's kneeling next to me as Jake slowly lowers me down again.

"For fuck sakes, Bella," Jake says sternly. "Stay down and stay still."

"Baby," Edward's unsure voice coupled with his hovering hands sends me sobbing. He wants to touch me but he's scared to hurt me. I want to lift my arms and pull him close, to feel him, but I can't.

"She has a spinal injury," Jake says softly and Edward looks away from me to him. "We're not sure to what extent so it's best she stays still. It's just too risky to move her around, Edward. We need a spinal board and a neck brace."

He looks back to me, all signs of relief gone and replaced again by fear. Tears flood my eyes just before he bends down and kisses me softly.

"Baby, I need to call Jasper. Can you hold on just a little longer?"

"Do I have a choice?" I ask cynically as he wipes the tears from my face.

He chuckles and shakes his head. "Well, I see the sarcasm is still there," he says as he gets up.

He takes his phone out but hesitates before he starts dialing and looks to Jake. He closes the gap between them with one long stride and pulls Jake to him in a fierce, manly hug, which Jake returns without reservation.

"Thank you," Edward says as he lets go and steps back again. "Thank you for keeping her safe."

"Always," Jake answers. "Besides, she saved my ass, I owed her one," he says as he looks over at me and winks.

"Asshole," I mutter and they both laugh before Edward dials and puts the phone to his ear.

 **E POV**

"Jasper…calm down, I'm fine…Jasper, can you keep quiet for just one minute? Listen, I've found Bella and Jake…yes…yes, they're both fine, well, that's not entirely true…dammit Jasper, shut the fuck up and listen…They made it to the cave, but the water is still receding so it'll be at least another hour before you can get to us…no, she can't make it up…she has a spinal injury Jasper, we're not sure what we're dealing with but she's in a great deal of pain so we can't move her without a board and neck brace…okay, I'm leaving it to you to make sure we can get her out of here safely...You tell those divers I don't care what they say, I want you, Emmett and Sam on board…I know they're professionals but I don't trust anyone else…yeah, I'll tell her…okay…Leah close to you? I'm handing the phone to Jake; we'll talk again when you're en route."

I hand the phone over to an eager Jake and his voice is soft and low as he speaks to Leah, walking to the mouth of the cave.

I look down at Bella again, her eyes closed, her breathing even but shallow. I know she's trying to hide just how much pain she is in, but I can see it on her pale frowning face.

She looks over to me as I sit next to her. God, all I want to do is pull her close, to hold her, feel her, kiss the shit out of her, but I can't. I can't risk hurting her more than she already is and so I run my fingers through her hair, her head snuggling into my touch.

"The boat arrived about fifteen minutes ago. They're just waiting for the water to pull back a bit more. We're going to have to get you strapped in up here and lower you down with a harness."

She nods absent mindedly, her eyes focused on Jake that's still talking softly into the phone. I watch her carefully, seeing the energy it's taking her to hide her pain. But there's something else…she's scared. She's scared because she doesn't know if the damage to her spine is permanent.

The thought hadn't even occurred to me. But as soon as it does, it just gets too much. Watching her running into the ocean, hours of waiting for her to come back to me, Paul holding the soaked hoodie, the possibility that her injury might put a permanent stop to so many things she loves to do.

Somehow, right here, right now, I feel even more helpless than I've felt the entire night. I pull my legs up to my chest and bury my head in my arms resting on my knees. God knows I have to be strong for her right now and I try hard to contain my emotions…but it's no use.

Before I know it, my body shakes from the sobs that won't be held back any longer.

And as I cry I pray silently. I pray my thank you that God helped me find Bella and Jake. I pray my thank you for the love that Bella and I share. But most of all, I pray that God will help her heal from her injury and give me the strength to help her through it every step of the way.

 **He had to crack some or other time, right? I feel for him, so I thought I'd let him have a moment of weakness before he pulls himself together again.**

 **Reviews? Always appreciated. Love you guys so much!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Okay, so confession time. I've just read the entire Vampire Academy series in four days after shunning it for years. And now I'm wondering…why did I wait so long? I really enjoyed it. Might branch out my fanfic topics in the future…lol.**

 **But...my love for Edward and Bella will always be first and foremost, so let's see how our couple is doing…**

 **E POV**

I'm tired, so fucking tired.

I sit forward in my chair, watching Bella sleep. They've given her something for the pain and she seems serene, pain free for the time being.

I take her hand in mine and lay my head on the side of her bed, replaying the events of the past few hours.

It had been more difficult than anticipated to get Bella down to the boat. Although the waters had receded, trying to lower her down to a boat that just wouldn't stay still in the push and tug of the tide against the rocks was still a feat. But between the men in her life and the coast guard guys, we'd managed without getting her knocked against the face of the cliff.

She'd been in agony as we made our way back to the shore, especially when the rescue boat left the shallow waters and bumped onto the beach. But she'd kept quiet the entire time, her eyes on me. I couldn't stop thinking about how strong she was, how brave, how she'd comforted me in the cave when I broke down instead of me comforting her.

Emmett wanted to ride with her in the ambulance that had been dispatched but she refused, insisting I not leave her. Emmett, along with everyone else followed closely behind us in their cars. No one had thought about showering or changing clothes…no one had thought about anything else except Bella.

When they had taken Bella in for tests she seemed terrified that I leave her side, so I didn't.

They began with a head to toe physical, inspecting everything from her head to her chest, pelvis, limbs and spine. Neurological tests followed whereby they tested her ability to move, feel and sense her limbs. She pushed through without so much as a squeak, her silent tears the only indication that it hurt like hell every time she moved.

After those they required radiologic tests. This included x-rays, computed tomography scans and magnetic resonance imaging.

I'd left her for a little while when they took her to her room, allowing Rose and Alice some time to give her a sponge bath. Even through all her pain she was moaning like hell that she needed the sticky salty feeling on her skin washed off.

I had taken the time to give everyone in the waiting room an update. It almost made me laugh. Between all of us and the pack, there was hardly any space for anyone else. I tried to talk some sense into them, telling them we'd phone as soon as we got word, but one look at their resigned faces told me they weren't going anywhere. Could I blame them? No…no, I couldn't. They loved her just as much as me. All in different ways, yet just the same.

I'd gone to Jake in the ER, who was just being kept for observation. He'd received six stiches to the gash on his forehead, but other than that, they just wanted to make sure he was okay and he would be released in the morning if no complications arose through the night. As expected, Leah was plastered to his side. I got that…no one got it more than me.

I relayed Jake's progress to her when I went back in the room and she seemed more at ease knowing he was in the clear. Not long after that, the meds had kicked in and although she tried her best to stay awake, it wasn't long before she drifted off in a peaceful sleep.

So now, we wait.

We wait for the results of the tests. We wait to hear what the extent of Bella's injuries is.

We wait…

 **B POV**

I wake up feeling rested…a bit drowsy…but rested.

Even before I open my eyes I remember where I am. What I'd like to know is what the weight is on my hand. When I look down irritatingly expecting some or other medical reason for the discomfort, my gaze softens as I see the cause of my dilemma. Edward's hand is wrapped around mine, his head resting on our joined hands facing me, his even breathing letting me know he's asleep.

I try to reach over to run my fingers through his messy hair but pull back immediately when a twisting pain resonates through my lower back. I moan softly, which has him lift his head quickly. Relief washes over his worried features when he sees I'm awake and I can't help but smile his way. He hasn't left my side except for my sponge bath which was awkward enough with Rosalie and Alice doing it. I've never felt this physically helpless in all my life and it's not a feeling I enjoy.

"How are you feeling?" he asks softly as he stands up, bending over me in a protective yet loving stance.

"Okay, I guess," I shrug. "I'd feel better if you kiss me though," I tag on and some of the twinkle returns to his eyes as he shakes his head slightly.

But he doesn't argue. He lowers himself more, not wasting any time in giving me what I want. He pulls away too soon though and I manage to grab onto his taut arm keeping his weight off me.

"That's not the type of kiss I was aiming for," I pout.

"Bella…you're hurt, you shouldn't be moving…" he tries to argue but I interrupt him quickly.

"I'm not moving at all. Do you really think it's going to damage me any more if you kiss me like I know you want to kiss me?"

"And how is that?" he asks teasingly as he lowers himself towards me again, his lips inches from mine.

"If you come closer, I can show you," I tease back, my eyes darting between his and his lips that are so very close to mine.

He doesn't wait for another invitation. His lips crash down on mine, desperate and needy. I open my lips as his tongue moves against them and then he's in my mouth, my tongue sliding against his, our lips moving in synchronization.

Our kiss is laden with emotion. We pour all our fears into it…the fear of not making it out alive…the fear Edward had of losing me…and the very current fear of my injury. When we break apart at last my heart is pounding in my chest and he chuckles as he looks over to the heart monitor.

"I think we should expect a nurse any second," he says as he nods towards the door. And he's right. He's hardly sat down in his chair when a nurse comes in followed by my doctor.

She immediately starts checking my vitals, frowning at the heart monitor and Edward and I eye each other trying very hard not to start laughing.

"Bella, Edward," Dr. Banner greets and I'm sure from the blush on my face and the way Edward and I are looking at each other he knows exactly what's going on.

"Nurse, I think everything is in order," he smiles her way.

She starts to argue, but then sees his smile and looks our way. Realization dawns on her that my heart rate has nothing to do with my health and she nods with a knowing smile before leaving the room.

"I take it you're feeling a bit better?" Dr. Banner asks as he takes out my chart, checking my vitals that have been monitored throughout the day.

"Rested," I smile his way. "But, I tried to move my left arm over my torso to stretch earlier and had to stop, the pain just flared up again."

"Best you don't move around at all Bella," he softly admonishes. "I thought we had this discussion after your tests."

"Sorry," I mumble. "I had just woken up, kinda slipped my mind."

"Well, I just got your test results back; I was on my way in to see you anyway. Do you want Emmett here when we go through them?"

"No," I say decidedly. Not just him. I don't want to have to repeat myself to everyone, whatever the outcome. "Everyone."

"You sure Baby?" Edward asks worriedly. We have no idea what the good Doctor is going to say.

"I'm sure."

"Well, you heard her Edward, go round up the troops and get them in here. When I came through reception it seems Sam had eventually gotten most of the boys to go home so the crowd is a little smaller."

"Okay, I'll be right back," he says my way before bending down and kissing my forehead softly and hurrying out.

Dr. Banner looks at me with a chuckle.

"That boy has got it bad, you know," he says. "But he's a good one Bella, no one better that Charlie would have been able to choose himself."

I don't reply but I nod his way with a smile before settling my eyes on the door, waiting for him to return to me. I know what he says is true. Charlie loved Edward like a son. If he was still here, he would have loved Edward even more because of the way he loves me.

There's no doubt in my mind on that.

 **So…next up, we find out what the extent are of Bella's injuries.**

 **Review? Love them all!**


	29. Chapter 29

**I'm so glad I got this out before the weekend.**

 **As always, all reviews, fav's, followers…thank you so much. To guest reviews, I do read each and every one and I wish I could respond to say thank you, so please, know that they are all welcomed.**

 **Let's find out the extent of Bella's injuries…**

 **B POV**

"A what?" I asked Dr. Banner, looking around to see whether I was the only daft one, but everyone else was frowning as well.

"A transverse process fracture," Dr. Banner repeated slowly. "It's quite an uncommon fracture. It occurs from extreme rotation or lateral bend, which is in line with what you told me about being thrown against the rock."

"But what does that mean in the long run?" Jake piped up before anyone else. We'd managed to get his doctor to release him to my room for a while too.

"Bella will make a full recovery…" But before Dr. Banner can even carry on there are relieved murmurs and he waits a while for them to die down before continuing.

"…if she sticks to my recovery plan, which we all know is going to be really hard for our stubborn girl here," he says as he looks pointedly at me with a knowing smile, which has everyone laughing and me grumbling.

"The injury should take about four to six weeks to heal. You can go home provided that you promise me you'll stay in bed for a few days at least. I don't want you sitting up for long periods, it causes quite a lot of stress on the lower back, even more than walking or standing. I'll give you pain medication and for the next two days, you can apply an ice pack to your lower back every four hours or so for twenty minutes. No lifting anything. I'll come around in two days to check on you, we can take it from there and start with short walks around the garden, etc. If the pain is too much, let me know. We can arrange a back brace to reduce the pain by limiting motion at the fracture site."

I nod and close my eyes for a few moments as his words flood my conscious thoughts. No permanent damage. I'm going to be okay. I let that sink in for a bit before opening my eyes again and meeting the smiles and happy tears of everyone around me. I know their relief mirrors my own. I try to stifle a yawn but it comes out anyway.

"I think we should let Bella get some rest," Edward suggests.

"I think that's a good idea. I'll get the necessary paperwork in order so Bella can be discharged tomorrow morning after a last check up," Dr. Banner says and excuses himself.

Sam, Paul and Embry comes over to say goodbye and I hold onto Sam's hand when he pulls up, looking at all three of them.

"Thank you," I whisper through tears. "You risked your lives to come after me. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Sam says softly as he wipes at the tears on my face with his free hand. "Don't think we don't know you would have been in there first for any one of us. It goes both ways."

I nod and they leave as Jake and Leah walks over. She takes hold of my hand.

"Thank you for bringing him back safely."

"You forget _he_ brought _me_ back," I giggle.

"But you found him Bella. You risked your life for him. He might not be here at all if you hadn't gone in. So again, thank you."

"I'd never let anything happen to Jake if I could help it," I say with a smile. "Besides, what would I do without this big oaf back on campus? Who'd feed me?"

Jake laughs heartily. "So you saved me for my cooking skills?" he asks.

"Yeah well, that and the fact that I can't live without you," I grumble and he leans over ruffling my hair as he usually does.

"Right back at you," he says as they leave.

"Okay, well, we should get going too, Emmett," Rose says as she gets up from the chair next to my bed. "Maybe we could move some things around at home so it's more comfortable for Bella?"

He nods and I bite my lip for a few seconds before speaking.

"Ummm, I'm not coming home," I say softly. Edward looks at me in surprise. Shit, I hadn't even discussed this with him. What if he doesn't want me there?

"What do you mean you're not coming home?" Emmett says, confused as hell.

My eyes are still locked with Edward's and I have no idea what he's thinking. I'm just about to say I was only kidding when he speaks first, still looking down at me.

"Because she's coming home with me." There is no hesitation in his voice, none at all. I think he sees the concern leave my face because he gives me that one sided smile I love so much as he strokes my hair. He wants me there just as much as I want to be there.

"That's not happening," Emmett says as he starts walking closer to my bed. Jasper grabs his arm from behind but he shrugs him off.

Edward looks up to my brother who is now right in front of him. It has always amazed me how both Edward and Jasper do not cower under that terrifying glare of his.

"It's not your decision Emmett," he says seriously. "If that's where Bella wants to be, that's where I'm taking her."

Emmett's face is flushed with anger.

"Emmett," Edward says as he continues to keep eye contact with my brother. "I'm sorry you don't agree with this, but we're going to do it regardless. I've lived by your rules since we starting dating because you're my best friend and Bella's brother and because she was still in school. But she's in university now and she has the right to make her own decisions. I learnt that the hard way," he says and my brother flinches slightly at his last words, reminding him how they all very nearly lost me.

"We love each other, you know this. And you damn well know that I plan on spending the rest of my life with her. We nearly lost each other; once at my hand and last night again. Don't force her to choose between what makes her happy and what you want…please."

"He's right Emmett," Jasper says as he walks around and stands next to Edward.

"She's like a sister to you and you're siding with him on this?" Emmett asks but before Jasper can answer both Alice and Rose come to stand by Edward as well.

"She's like a sister to all of us. Don't belittle our feelings for Bella because we are choosing to agree with her and Edward," Alice says angrily as she takes my hand in hers. "Hasn't there been enough fighting? We just got her back Emmett, don't make us lose her again."

He's having a hard time with this; I can see the torn look in his eyes. He knew this was going to happen sometime or another, it was inevitable. But I can see he's just having a hard time letting go. He's been my father, my brother, my best friend all rolled into one since Charlie died. Rose sees this too and the tenderness on her face as she looks at my brother takes my breath away. She walks over to him, placing her hand on his cheek and he looks at her.

"You'll never lose her, Emmett," Rose says softly. "But it's time to let her go. She'll always be your little sister, but it's time for you to accept that she's also a woman. Don't make her feel guilty for wanting to live her life."

I watch his face closely and see the instant where he decides that she's right because his frown disappears and he gazes at her with adoration as he always does.

"You're right," he agrees softly. Then he looks at the rest of us. "Do you guys mind if I have some time with my sister alone please? Jasper, can you give Rosalie a lift home?"

He nods and they take that as their cue to leave as Rosalie softly kisses his cheek before following Alice and Jasper.

"I'm going to go have a shower. I'll swing by Rosalie and get you some clothes and toiletries. I'm sure you're dying for a bath," Edward says as he leans over and kisses my forehead.

"Thanks."

Edward nods goodbye to Emmett and closes the door behind him.

I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. I don't want to fight with Emmett, not after everything that's happened.

But one thing I do know…if I have to fight to be with Edward, I'll do it.

 **Don't get upset with Emmett just yet…have a little faith…**

 **Review? Love them!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Not much to say ahead of this chapter. Let's see how things pan out with Emmett…**

 **B POV**

"…and then you just laid into him," I laugh at Emmett.

"Yeah well, no one talks to my sister like that," he replies, laughing along with me.

After everyone left, Emmett managed to squeeze into bed with me and almost two hours have passed as we reconnect, reminding each other of the good times we've had, reminding each other of our love.

His huge hand is wrapped around mine, pulled up to his chest where it rests over his steady heartbeat.

"You know, I would kill for you Bella," he says, suddenly serious. "I fucked up badly, but it doesn't change that."

"I know Em," I sigh, squeezing his hand.

"I'm sorry I acted out earlier. I mean, I'm not stupid, I know you and Edward are _at it_ ," he says with an eye roll and I laugh at him again. This must be so uncomfortable for him but I keep quiet, waiting for him to continue.

"It just kinda feels like it's happening too soon. You've lived with me all your life, you just started university, I thought I'd have you for a few more years," he admits.

"We don't want to wait anymore Emmett," I say softly. "We love each other. You know this. And you also know there will never be anyone else for either of us. We just don't see the point in being apart. Besides, he only lives one street behind us Emmett; it takes me like a minute to jog over. You'll still see me every day when I'm here," I continue, trying to ease his fears just a little bit.

He lies for a while just staring down at me, his eyes filled with that big brother love and protectiveness that melts my heart when I look at him.

"Yeah," he finally says. "I know, it'll just take a while to get used to it. I'm sorry that I act like an ass sometimes. Honestly, I wouldn't want you with anyone else but Edward. I know he loves you, fuck, I saw what it did to him when you left after he lied to you."

"Tell me," I ask as I snuggle against his side as much as I can without moving too much. I lay my head in the crook of his arm as he gently cradles me against him.

"For about a week after you left he shut himself off completely. After three days of trying to get him to open the door, Jasper and I kicked it down. It wasn't a pretty sight, Bella."

My breathing has become labored and short, my heart aching once again at the pain both of us endured while separated.

"His living room was wrecked. His book shelf was empty, books scattered all over the floor, and his cd collection was wrecked, all over the place. There were bottles of Jack on the table, on the floor, on the kitchen counter. Fuck, sometimes I wonder how he'd managed to drink that amount of alcohol in three day and lived to tell the tale. We found him passed out on the bathroom floor, half a bottle still in his hand, and his head on one of your hoodies."

I want to tell Emmett to stop, my own pain resurfacing as I listen to him, but I stubbornly let him continue.

"We moved him to the bed and went downstairs to clean up the mess before Rosalie or Alice pitched up, but while we were busy he came stumbling down the stairs, screaming at us to get out of his house. He seemed totally out of it, crazy even. Fuck, the look in his eyes still sends chills up my spine when I think about it. There was just nothing there, like the life had been drained from him. Jasper grabbed his laptop without him noticing as we left and for the rest of the week, he fielded his work related emails, letting Edward's clients know he was sick and he'd get back to them the following week. Even though Rose and Alice were pissed as hell at him they tried to be there for him, offered whatever comfort they could, but eventually they stopped trying. He didn't want help, said he deserved every grain of pain he was feeling. And so he just kind of existed, you know? He would still come over when we invited him, or go out with us, but he might as well have not been there because he hardly spoke to anyone."

By the time Emmett stops talking I'm shaking in his arms, crying as I picture him so utterly desolate. And even though I know it was because of his own wrong doing, I still can't find a place inside of me that feels happy because he suffered just as much as I did.

Edward chooses that exact moment to walk into the room and he stills as he takes in the scene before him. I wipe my face quickly, trying to put on a brave smile. I don't want to harp on the past when the present is all that matters.

"Everything okay?" he asks, his eyes darting between me and Emmett.

"Yeah, we're good," I say as Emmett carefully lets me down on the pillow and gets off the bed. Edward doesn't pry; he knows I'll talk to him if I need to.

"Rose gave you some stuff for Bella?" Emmett asks and Edward holds up the bag he has in his hand.

"Okay, well, I'm going to head home for a shower and some sleep. We'll come around later this evening. Edward, we'll discuss the logistics of moving Bella tomorrow morning when I see you tonight? I thought it would be better if we get Dr. Banner to get the ambulance to drop her off, that way we can keep her lying down securely?"

"I was thinking the same thing. But yeah, we'll discuss it tonight," he replies.

My brother nods and as he passes Edward, Edward's hand shoots out and catches him on his shoulder, his hand squeezing it once.

"Thanks Emmett," he says honestly. "Thank you for trusting me with her."

Emmett looks back at me, his eyes all shiny from unshed tears and I give him an encouraging smile before he looks back at Edward.

"No one else I trust more, old friend," he says gruffly before he walks out.

"Did you get any sleep yet Baby?" Edward asks as he walks over to me, his fingers lacing with mine.

I shake my head. Now that he mentions it, I'm really sleepy. I can't believe I managed to stay awake with Emmett for so long. But, I also feel dirty, even after my sponge bath.

Edward reads my mind. "You want me to run the bath for you?"

"Please."

He does so and checks with the nurse first if he can carry me to the bath or if I should rather walk. The distance between the bed and bathroom is short and as I'll have to bend my back if he carries me, we decide walking is the best.

He supports me as I go and I struggle through the pain as best I can. I kindly refuse the nurse's assistance and Edward shuts the door as she leaves. He helps me undress slowly and carefully. There's no way I can lift my leg up to get in the bath and he gently lifts me in his arms, putting me down in the heavenly warm water.

I let him take over as he tilts my head back, taking his time washing my hair and rinsing it before grabbing my sponge and body wash, running it over my body tenderly. Afterwards he lifts me out and dries me just as carefully before helping me into my cotton sleep shorts and my Sponge Bob T which makes me giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asks as he scoops me up in his arms again and carries me to my bed.

"Just remembering what we did the last time I wore this," I say as I fiddle with the hem of my top.

He chuckles as he puts me down before pulling my brush from my bag, proceeding to carefully brush my hair.

I hum in pleasure as I close my eyes and focus all my attention on my brush and his fingers gliding through my hair.

"I could get used to this," I jest when he's finished and I lay down again.

"Liar," he laughs. "You're totally frustrated not being able to do things for yourself."

As usual, he sees right through me. "Yeah, okay, I admit I am. But I'm definitely not complaining about having you to look after me."

"So you say now," he says pointedly. "I bet you by the end of this week you're going to want to choke me because of your frustration at being house bound and not allowed surfing."

He's right. He knows it, I don't even bother arguing.

"I'm worried about my classes."

"I went around Jake's room before I came here. He's already phoned the Campus and spoke to your Dean. He's going to be emailing you any assignments and some general read through material to keep you up to date."

I feel relieved at his words and again my sleepiness surfaces, my eyes battling to stay open.

"Sleep, Bella," Edward urges. Your body needs rest to heal.

"Lay with me?" I ask hopefully.

The old Edward would have refused, not wanting to hurt me. But not the new Edward. He gets onto the bed, careful not to shake it around too much. He kicks his shoes off, turning on his side and wrapping his arm my waist, his head cradled in his arm. Through my sleepiness I see how tired he is too, dark bruises under his eyes from being awake and stressed for so long.

"Don't leave me," I say, knowing if I get him to agree, he'll fall asleep and get the rest he also desperately needs.

"Never," he promises just before his leans down and gives me the sweetest of sweet kisses.

I snuggle a little closer to him and he throws his leg over mine, holding me close.

I fall asleep almost instantly; safe and secure in the arms of the only man I'll ever love.

 **See, I told you to have a little faith in Emmett, lol. He's just being big brotherly, that's all.**

 **Reviews are food for the soul…look forward to each one of them.**

 **See you in the next chapter.**

 **xo**


	31. Chapter 31

**How's Bella coping with being on lockdown? Let's find out…**

 **B POV**

 _Two weeks later…_

"Edward…please…I'm feeling fine," I wine, sounding like a brat even to my own ears.

Two weeks of lying around has taken its toll. I'm bored as hell, even with visits from everyone. Jake has gone back to university taking Leah with him. I miss the big oaf. He seemed to be the only one to give me leeway here and there when no one else was watching.

"No surfing, Bella," he says sternly as he looks up from his laptop where he's working at the dining room table. "Stop whining, will you? I'm trying to get some work done."

I glare at him, which only causes him to chuckle before looking back at his screen.

I grab the remote from the table and lie back down on the couch. I flick through the channels, trying to find something worthwhile to watch, but come up empty handed. VH1 is playing hits from the 90's and I leave it there, closing my eyes as I listen.

When Rob Thomas' raspy voice starts singing Smooth, my senses go on high alert and I open my eyes to see Edward watching me.

"Do you remember this song, Edward?" I ask, full well knowing he does.

"How can I forget?" he asks as he slowly gets up, walking towards me, his eyes darkening by the second.

"Tell me," I say, already breathless at the memories assaulting my mind.

He kneels on the floor next to me before leaning over and kissing me softly, sweetly, like he's afraid I'll break.

"You…me…the back of my truck…" he mumbles as his mouth attacks my neck, kissing, sucking, nipping.

"You didn't want to at first," I breath. "Said it was indecent to have sex with me in the back of a truck."

He doesn't stop his languid assault of my neck as his hand comes up; unbuttoning my white cotton shirt and pushing it open, revealing my braless breasts to him. His hand softly squeezes me, my nipples instantly hard at his touch.

"I remember…but I also remember you being quite adamant, so how could I say no?" he says before he bends down and pulls my nipple into his mouth, sucking hard, my body arching off the couch.

He immediately stops his ministrations and lifts his head to look at my frustrated face.

"No arching your back, Baby," he says strictly. The dominance in his voice fills me with lust and all I can do is nod.

"Good girl," he whispers before leaning down to kiss me again, his tongue stroking mine is not so soft anymore. He's just as turned on as I am. It's been too long.

"I remember you lying in front of me, your hips moving upward towards me and I hadn't even touched you yet," he continues as he gets up from the side of the couch, moving in front of me. He undoes the button on my shorts, pulling the zipper down slowly, never losing eye contact.

In one swift move he pulls them off and once again I can't help my hips tilting towards him.

"Just like that," he murmurs as his hands grip my thighs, kneading and stroking as they work their way to their goal. "You were so wet for me that night, Bella. Fuck, so wet and I hadn't even done anything yet," he says as his fingers ghost over my aching centre, causing me to buck up to his hand.

He pushes me down again and his voice once again mesmerizes me. "No moving, Bella. I won't allow you to hurt yourself again. If you can't obey me, I'll stop," he says and all I can do is nod again because my voice has totally disappeared.

I watch him as he lies down on his stomach, his mouth so close to where I need it…so close. His hands wrap around my thighs, pulling them apart, opening me to his eager gaze. Suddenly, he leans forward and in one strong stroke, he licks through my folds from bottom to top. I desperately want to push myself against him, needing it…but I force myself to keep still.

"You taste exactly like you did that night," he says before doing it again. "Hhhmmm…I remember licking and sucking you until you screamed my name. Can you do that again, Bella?" he asks just before sucking my clit into his mouth, making me cry out.

I soon feel Edward's fingers at my entrance, feeling, massaging before he pushes them into me all the way.

"Edward…" I moan. "I need to move…please…"

But his hand comes down on my stomach, holding me down as his other hand's fingers push into me particularly rough and he keeps sucking and licking me in the most delicious way.

He feels the moment I get close to losing it. I push with all my might against his hand, but he keeps me down. My breathing is labored and my moans sound desperate and pleading.

"I need you to come for me, Bella," he whispers against my clit before nipping it gently. "I want to bury myself inside you so deep."

"Yes…Oh God, yes…" I moan at his words. "Please…"

"Not before you come for me, Baby," he says wickedly as he lowers his head again.

As he sucks my clit into his mouth and nips at it gently and his fingers fasten their pace, he pushes me over the edge. And my…what a view.

"Edward!" I scream as my orgasm overtakes me, rushing through me powerfully, making me shudder against him. He helps me ride it out, slowly but surely slowing his fingers before pulling them out and kissing my swollen nub gently before sitting up.

He gets up, slowly taking his shirt off, followed by his pants. I almost salivate at the image of him, naked, hard…wanting me.

"I remember the space we had to work with being quite confined," he says as he kneels between my legs. "We had no choice but to stay close," he whispers as he lays down, his weight on me easing a craving I didn't even know existed.

He pulls my legs up next to him, opening me up before his mouth finds mine again and he enters me in one urgent thrust…filling me so completely…pushing into me all the way. We both moan at the impact his move causes, my mind filled with how burning our passion had been that night, how the risk of being caught just made us both want it that much more.

His body rocks against me, his hand on my hip keeping me as still as he possible can, although at this moment in time he's fighting a losing battle. Somehow…I think he's so lost in me right now he's forgotten his need to keep me from harm.

"I remember this being hard and fast," he murmurs in my neck as he picks up his pace, moving roughly against me. "I remember the way you clenched around me, greedy for me…" His words cut off as my body involuntarily submits to his words, clenching around him, causing him to really drive into me.

"Fuck…Bella…I need you to come," he groans as his hand snakes between us, finding my clit and rubbing frantically fast but softly over it eliciting a long, drawn out moan from my lips.

"I'm so close, Baby," he says at my ear before biting into my neck softly. His strokes inside of me are impossibly harder and that, coupled with his hands' moves and his words is enough to send me crashing head first into a heady, almost painful orgasm.

"Fuck…you feel so good…" he says between breaths and suddenly stills, pushing into me as far as he can go, my hips lifting off the couch to accommodate him as he throbs inside of me, his body shaking from his orgasm.

He leans down kissing me passionately before pulling out and sitting between my legs. We stare at each other for a moment before both bursting out laughing.

"Who would have thought a song can trigger that type of reaction from you?" I tease him as he pushes his hands through his bronze disheveled hair. "I think I should add it to my Ipod."

He shakes his head as he makes me scoot over, lying next to me and pulling me in his arms. "Just don't play it when Emmett's around," he jokes back and I giggle as I settle against him.

We lay for a while listening to music, joking and laughing and just being with each other.

When he eventually gets up to go back to his laptop, some of the frustration at being house bound is gone and I feel at home again, rather than feeling imprisoned.

 **So, just a bit of fun fluff. I think they deserve a bit of happy times, don't you?**

 **Reviews are always appreciated. Thanks so much for reading!**

 **xo**


	32. Chapter 32

**REC: I've never recommended a story before purely because there are so many I enjoy and read at once. But I just have to this time:**

 **Dusty by YellowBella**

 **If you haven't read it, it is the most beautifully damaged and poetically real story I've read in years, be it on this site or books I buy. This has to be published, really, someone has to get this out to the world. I have never in my life felt the emotions I felt while reading it. With well over 8000 reviews, I don't think I'm the only one that feels this way, so give it a shot, I promise you won't be disappointed.**

 **Ok, on with our own love birds...**

"No, he still won't let me do anything," I answer Jake on the phone in a very frustrated voice.

Edward looks up from his laptop where he's been busy for the last two hours after ravishing me on his couch. He sticks his tongue out at me and I give him the middle finger coupled with a kiss.

 _"Tell him to lighten up," Jake laughs. "Surely there are some things you guys can think of to do that won't hamper your recovery."_

"Yeah, right. Other than a quicky on the couch a few hours ago, I'm bored as hell."

I really have Edwards' attention now as he looks at me stunned.

 _"Really, Bella? I really don't want to be kept up to date on your sex life," Jake mumbles and I hear Leah laughing loudly in the back ground._

"Just saying it like it is old friend," I laugh too.

I catch Edward's hand signal and look up at him again.

"Skype?" he asks.

Brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?

"Jake, your laptop connected?"

 _"Yeah, why?"_

"I'm going to hang up. Edward's going to Skype."

 _"Huh, why didn't I think of that?"_

"That's exactly what I thought," I say giggling before I hang up.

Edward comes over to me and puts his laptop on the table and starts logging in.

"Are you sure you have time for this?" I ask as I push my hand under his shirt, tickling his back. "You've been quite busy today."

"I've been so busy today, Miss Swan, because I'm trying to finish off some things so I can take you away for the weekend."

Now he has my full attention.

"Really?" I ask excitedly. "Just us?"

"You and I will leave early Friday morning and spend the day and Friday night alone. The rest are driving through Saturday morning."

"Where?" I ask as he starts dialing.

"It's a surprise," he says, concentrating on the screen.

"Oh, come on Edward," I whine. "You know I haven't the patience for surprises. It's only Tuesday today, how the hell am I supposed to get through till Friday?"

 _"God, is she still moaning?"_

I look to the screen realizing we connected in the midst of my very girly, very bratty hissy fit.

"Never stops," Edward grumbles as he pulls the laptop to his lap, adjusting the camera before getting comfortable and pulling me into his side carefully.

 _"Hi guys!" Leah shouts from the background and she waves._

"Hey, are you baking those chocolate chip cookies without me there?" I ask, as I try to see what she's doing, but Jake is in the way. "Move, you big ox," I say to him, gesturing with my hand to the side.

He laughs and picks up his laptop, walks to the kitchen and readjusts his camera as well before sitting on a barstool next to Leah.

Sure as hell, that's exactly what she's doing. She looks up from the dough she's rolling out and laughs at me.

 _"You should see your face right now, Bella. Don't worry; I'll bake you some when I get back down there next week."_

This placates me a bit and I drop the fake frown from my face.

"Deal," I smile her way.

 _"Hey, Edward, did you get the email with that assignment for Bella I sent on Friday?" Jake asks before taking a sip of his beer._

Beer, good idea, I think as I get up, leaving them to it. I can still hear their chatter though.

"Yeah, she finished it on Saturday."

 _"All of it? In one go? Man, she really must be bored. Assignments and Bella don't go together in one sentence," he laughs just as I sit back down with a bottle of wine and two glasses._

 _"Aren't you on meds?" Jake frowns as Edward pours us each a glass and I take a sip._

"Not anymore. I mean, I've been given those pain killers but seeing as though I'm hardly allowed to move, I only took them the first four days being home and I think only once since then."

 _"Why don't you go catch a wave?" Jake says wickedly. That earns him a slap against the back of his head from Leah and Edward bursts out laughing._

 _"Ow! What was that for?" he asks as he rubs the back of his head._

 _"You know full well she's not allowed to so don't go giving her ideas. I'll call Sam and have a permanent patrol on that beach until her doctor gives her the go ahead."_

 _"Spoil sport," he mutters but the look she gives him makes him shut it._

"Whipped there much, Jake?" Edward laughs. This has Leah in stitches.

 _"Yeah, I guess you can say that," Jake answers as he looks at Leah with adoration. "Wouldn't want to be whipped by anyone else."_

"That's so gross Jake. You been reading Fifty Shades?" I laugh.

 _"You know what I mean," he says looking back at me pointedly. "Besides, you know I don't read that girly crap."_

"Oh, I wouldn't exactly call it girly crap, Jake," Edward says and I look at him in surprise.

"You read them?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, you always asked me to, so after you left I kind of got stuck into them."

The thought of Edward having read the books does funny things to my body.

"So...anything you wanna try?" I ask hopefully.

His gaze on me darkens at my words.

"Actually, there are a few that come to mind," he replies, his voice suddenly gruff.

 _"Hey, you guys gonna eye fuck or talk?" Jake asks with a smirk._

"You know, if you were here now you'd have a pillow in your face," I laugh as I hand my glass to Edward for a refill.

"So, Edward is taking me away for the weekend, although he won't tell me where," I pout.

Jake and Leah share a quick glance and I see Edward staring daggers Jake's way.

"Wait, you're in on it?" I ask.

 _Jake looks at Edward with his sorriest expression. "Yeah, well, kind of…"_

"And I suppose you're not going to fill me in on where we're going?"

" _No can do, Bella," he says. "Edward and I have kinda become buddies, in case you didn't notice. Really don't want to mess that up."_

"Hey, I was your buddy first!" I shout indignantly but this just has them all laughing.

" _And you'll always be my best," he says chuckling. "Just relax and be excited and have patience."_

"Pfft..patience my ass. You know I don't do patience well."

" _I know," Jake sighs and I can see its killing him not giving in to me. "But please, stop pushing. Just let Edward do this for you."_

"Yeah, well, doesn't look like I have much of a choice, do I?"

I sit back and sip on my wine as Edward and Jake talk about everyday things and I watch them closely. They really have become close. They really seem interested in each other's' lives and I find myself immersed in their back and forth banter and easy going relationship.

We log off after a while and Edward follows me to the kitchen. I open the fridge, contemplating what to make for dinner when the front door opens without so much as a knock.

"Oh, thank God you're dressed," Emmett says laughing as he walks in followed by Rose, Jasper and Alice.

"Maybe next time you should knock. If you had come a few hours earlier, that wouldn't have been the case," I tease and his face goes red.

"Too much information, Bella," he responds dryly.

"Well, I suggest next time you knock then," I hit back, still feeling prickly because I have four long days till my surprise.

"Why is she in such a bad mood?" Emmett asks Edward as he opens a six pack and throws Edward a beer.

"I told her about the weekend, but no specifics. She just knows we're going away."

"She," I say sarcastically as I look between them, "is standing right here."

"Well, you've dug your own grave there," Rose says laughing as her and Alice join me behind the kitchen counter and Jasper sits next to Emmett. "You know how she gets with surprises."

"I can handle her," Edward says arrogantly and I throw a kitchen towel his way.

"I'm not a dog," I jest just before he pulls me into his arms.

"No, you're most definitely not," he says as he leans down and kisses me virtuously.

"But…if you're talking about handling me like in…Christian Grey handling…"

"Oh my God, he's read the books?" Alice shrieks. "I've been trying to get Jasper to read them forever!"

Edward blushes and shakes his head at me. "You just had to let that slip, didn't you?"

"Payback's a bitch," I say sweetly and he kisses me again.

"Wait, who the hell is Christian Grey?" Emmett asks. As always, he's confused as hell.

"Oh Emmett," I sigh as I lay my head against Edward's chest. "You really don't want to know."

 **So, bit of fun all around and a weekend surprise coming up.**

 **Reviews always appreciated!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Turns out Dusty has been published…huh…learn something new every day! Definitely buying it and the runner up!**

 **Okay…if I remember correctly, Edward owes Bella a weekend away…**

"Are we there yet?" I ask for the hundredth time, knowing full well I'm irritating the crap out of Edward.

I've spent the last four days in physical pain over his surprise. A phone call to Jake behind his back proved fruitless and I warned him that revenge is sweet. Asshole had the nerve to laugh at that.

"We are, in fact, very close," he says with a smile that widens when mine does.

We've been driving for three hours and I'm vaguely familiar with the area. The Cedarberg Mountains is one of the most beautiful areas on the West Coast and totally hidden away from civilization.

Edward turns up a dirt road and the road climbs as we circle a hill. When he reaches the top he stops, pointing down towards the valley.

"See those cabins along the river? That's our destination."

It's beautiful. I'm breathless with its magnificence as I take in our surroundings going down and towards the cabins.

When we stop in front of one of them I can't wait to get out and start exploring and he laughs as I don't even wait for him to get out but leave him behind as I run up the stairs and through the front door.

I'm met with one huge room, the sun filtering in through every available window, casting shadows across the golden interior. The effect is almost magical.

To the left is a huge four poster bed, white netting softly billowing in the cool mountain breeze. A huge mid room fireplace adorns the room and to the left is a huge comfortable white couch and a small kitchen.

"No bathroom?" I ask as I feel him walk up behind me.

"Come," he says as he pulls me towards the French doors on the other side of the bed.

He opens them and I lose myself in the beauty of the outside sunken bath. It overlooks the valley, no windows in front, but there's a roof overhead and glass sliding doors you can close if the weather isn't too good. The basin and toilet is hidden behind a half wall on the opposite side.

"Edward…this is…" I turn to him. "What made you do this?"

He shrugs. "You've been going out of your mind locked up in that house and I know once you set foot outside you're going to make a beeline for the ocean and your surfboard. No waves here. And…"

He hesitates.

"And what?" I ask as I wrap my arms around him.

"Next week you're going to back to university. I know we've spoken about visiting but…I'm used to having you with me all the time. I wanted to do something for you before you go back."

His admission is sweet and soul felt and I realize that all the fears I have inside of me are exactly the same fears he has. We know we have each other, nothing will tear us apart again, but just the thought of going weeks without seeing each other scares the hell out of us both.

I pull him down for a kiss, my tongue slipping against his, his hands caught up in my hair.

"I love you," I say simply. "I feel the same way."

We stand caught up in each other and the view in front of us for a while before he goes to bring our things inside.

The rest of the day is filled with sightseeing as Edward drives up one mountain and down the next. We have a late lunch in a rustic restaurant literally in the middle of nowhere and I'm surprised at how good the food is.

We pass a small market and stock up on some things for the cabin, including a few bottles of wine.

I'm dying to try out the bath as the sun lingers on the horizon so I put the water on while Edward grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses. When he comes outside, he puts the wine and glasses down and turns to me, his fingers finding the buttons to my sun dress and he slowly starts undoing them, his eyes a whirlpool of lust.

"Someone might see us," I say as I look around.

"No one here," he murmurs as he kisses my shoulder after he pulls my dress down and lets it fall. "These cabins were designed for privacy. No one else will be here until the crazies arrive tomorrow."

His hands are hot on my skin as he trials a path to my back, undoing my bra and dropping it as well. His mouth trials down my neck, between my breasts and down my stomach before he bites the top of my panties, pulling it down with his teeth. I'm mesmerized as I watch him, his hands on my hips as he comes back up, kissing me again as he goes. By the time he's up straight again I'm battling to breathe.

"Get in," he orders and something in his voice burns through my body, setting every nerve ending alight.

I get into the bath and as he's undressing I can't help but lose myself again in the view before us. Darkness is quickly falling, trees casting shadows as the sun pulls away. The mountains are dark and looming on the right hand side and I'm still watching them when I feel him getting in behind me.

"Here," he says and I turn, taking the glass of wine from him.

"Do you feel like playing, Isabella?" he asks, his tone dark and mysterious, like the landscape behind me.

Isabella? What the hell?

But I don't question him. His entire demeanor is different…in charge…

"Yes," I answer quietly, my body trembling yet he hasn't even touched me.

"Yes, who?" he asks. Oh my God. I've just realized what he's doing. Just the thought makes me hungry for him in an almost vicious way.

"Yes, Sir," I breathe.

"Good girl," he says as he nears me in the water. "Drink up," he says as he drinks his glass in one go and I do the same. He takes them and puts them on the side before grabbing a sponge and body wash and making me stand up with him.

His body is glorious as the last rays of the sun touches him, making him appear godlike in his splendor.

He washes me slowly, running his hands over my breasts as he pulls the sponge along. He takes his time, his eyes following his hands in their path as I watch him. By the time he runs his soapy fingers between my legs I am so ready for him and I can't help but moan loudly as my head falls back.

"Eyes right here, Isabella," he orders and I lift my head to be met with a hard, yet yearning gaze of the man I love.

His fingers don't stop moving and I start stirring against his hand, but he stops, pulling away and I whimper.

"Did I tell you to move?" he asks darkly.

I shake my head.

"Say it," he says harshly.

"No, Sir, you didn't."

"I was going to let you come…but not anymore," he says before he leans forward and bites my bottom lip softly before licking over it. God, I feel like I could come right now even if he's not touching me.

"Go to the room. Don't get dressed. When I get there I want you naked on the bed."

"Yes, Sir," I manage before he helps me out and I wrap a towel around me.

I don't look back as I walk to the bedroom.

Inside I make sure he can't see me from where he is and I jump up and down on one place, squealing into the towel with excitement.

Oh my God. Edward is going to go all fifty shades on my ass.

And I can't wait…

 **Are you as excited as I am right now?**


	34. Chapter 34

**Light BDSM ahead…if it's not your thing, don't read…**

He takes his sweet time to come inside. Oh, and I'm a hot blooded mess by the time he makes his appearance.

He's still wet, a towel tied low around his waist.

Wait? Are those hand cuffs dangling from his hand? My insides clench deliciously at what's to come...yet at the same time I'm nervous as hell.

"Do you trust me?" he asks in that same deep sultry voice.

"Yes," I whisper.

"Oh, Isabella, are we forgetting who we're talking to?"

"Yes...Sir," I manage between breaths. God, he's never been sexier than he is in this moment.

"Get up," he commands and his voice leaves no room for arguments. I do what he says immediately.

"You need a safe word, not stop...something else..."

I'm trying to think of a word but my mind comes up empty as he slides the cold steel of the cuffs down my back, over my ass...and then he slaps that same ass hard.

"Aah," I cry, the sting of his hand mingling with my need to have him consume me.

"Answer me, Isabella," he threatens as his hand twirls into my hair and pulls my face around so I'm looking at him over my shoulder.

"Grey," I murmur, captivated by his stare.

"Do you like that guy...what's his name? Christian Grey? Do you fantasize about him?" he asks as his hand comes down on me again, a little harder than before.

I moan as he rubs softly over the sting, soothing the burn somewhat.

"No, Sir, I only dream about you," I say breathless with anticipation.

"That's good to know," he murmurs as he lets go of my hair.

"Lie down on the bed on your back," he says and again I don't hesitate.

He climbs over me, the towel still firmly around his waist.

"Lift your arms," he says and when I do he leans over me, cuffing my hands around the iron bars of the head board.

"Not too tight?"

"No, Sir," I answer.

"I'm going to blind fold you now," he warns before taking a black sash from the pillow next to me. I hadn't even noticed it was there.

My senses go into overdrive as I lose my sight and I suddenly feel vulnerable. I instinctively pull on the cuffs, but it hurts so I stop.

"Oh, Isabella...the things I'm going to do to you..." His voice is hoarse with lust and makes me squirm, which earns me another slap to the side of my ass. "Be still pretty girl," he whispers.

I flinch as his hand lightly skims my breast. Not being able to see is pushing this to a whole new level.

Suddenly his mouth comes out of nowhere, pulling my nipple deep and fast as his teeth nip me almost painfully.

"God..." I cry as my back arches off the bed towards his viciously pleasing assault.

I'm soaked, literally drenched between my legs and I rub my thighs together, desperate for some friction.

"Don't be a bad girl now, Isabella," he chastises as he pushes me legs apart.

His fingers run through my folds and I moan like a wanton whore, my hips lifting towards him, but he pushes me down with his other hand, keeping me still.

Without warning he pushes two fingers into me all the way and again, it's painful, but mouthwateringly so.

"Do you want to come, Isabella?" He asks and fuck, do I ever.

"Please, Sir...oh fuck, please..." I moan as he continues to push his fingers into me hard and fast. His thumb of his hand on my stomach reaches down and starts working my clit at a dizzying pace.

"Is that good?" he asks but I can't answer. Fuck, I'm so close to coming I can taste it on my tongue.

And then his hands are gone...

"No..." I cry, my hips still moving, seeking his hands.

"I can't make you come if you don't answer me, Isabella," he says darkly as he leans over me. His mouth comes down on mine unexpectedly, his tongue fighting past my lips and I open to him, fuck, I open myself totally and utterly, my legs widening without as much as a thought.

"I want to try something," he whispers at my ear before biting that spot he knows drives me insane.

"Anything, Sir," I say quickly. Fuck, anything, Edward, anything you want.

"What's your safe word," he asks and the nerves return full blast, but not enough to override my insatiable thirst for this man...my man.

"Grey, Sir," I whisper, trying to catch my breath. The ache between my legs has spread to the rest of my body and I'm a mess.

"Good girl...oh, you're being such a good girl tonight Isabella," he praises as he moves away from me. His fingers glide through my folds again.

"So wet baby girl...so wet for me," he murmurs as his fingers spread my wetness, his fingers moving back...back...oh...

I tense as his fingers rub over my anus, but then they move back up again. He repeats the process a few times, each time his touch becoming a little firmer when he reaches that place. That place that has thus far been untouched.

But then his finger stays there suddenly...probing...feeling...

"Remember your safe word," he says firmly.

I nod just before he pushes his finger inside me all the way.

"Fuck..." I scream into the night just before he bends over and kisses me again with hot abandon. His finger is still inside of me, but he doesn't move it.

I'm having difficulty breathing, my body focused on the new feeling that is invading me.

His thumb dips inside my aching pussy then and I'm pushed toward ecstasy at the feel of him on both sides.

His breathing is haggard next to my ear as he starts moving both fingers slowly...in and out...in and out...

It's too much. I'm going to die. When this orgasm hits me, I'm going to die.

"Stop," I beg breathless, but he doesn't. He quickens his pace ever so slightly. God, I can feel his fingers rubbing me inside...rubbing the same place but on separate sides.

"Stop...please...it's too much...I can't..."

"That's it Isabella," he coaxes as he feels me clenching on his fingers. "Come for me...I need you to come so hard for me Baby..."

And then it happens. I don't need a blindfold anymore. I'm lost...slipping into a dark place where nothing exists but utter euphoria as pain mingles with the mind numbing pleasure that starts pulsating from the very core of me, spreading like wildfire, taking everything with it, making me bow off the bed, screaming like I've never done before.

"Fuck, you're so fucking beautiful when you come," he says as he slips his fingers out of me and before I have time to come to my senses, he grabs my hips and slams into me all the way, prolonging the painful ache inside, making it flare up again as I moan loudly, still pulsating around him.

He rips the blindfold from my eyes and fuck, when I look into his eyes I'm lost in his dominating, dark stare filled with desire so great it matches my own.

He doesn't slow down, doesn't give me room to breathe. He slams into me over and over again, his hands lifting my hips off the bed so he's so deep I can taste him on the inside.

"Can you come again for me baby girl?" he asks between breaths.

I shake my head, my body surely not capable of another onslaught.

"I thought I was in charge here, Isabella," he grinds out as his fingers start assaulting my clit again.

I pull against my restraints, the metal biting into my skin as I try to get away from him, but he holds me in place.

"Stop..." I moan. "Please...please stop..."

I say the words. I say them, but fuck, I don't mean them.

As he keeps pushing into me hard and fast and his fingers keep circling my clit I feel that familiar pressure start building inside and its coming hard and fast, threatening to derail me once more.

"That's it...good girl...one more..." he says as he picks up the pace, slamming into me even harder.

"I can't..."

But then I do. My body starts shaking and that time bomb explodes, leaving me breathless and boneless and helpless as it courses through my veins.

"Fuck!" Edward shouts as he slams into me one last time, my eyes fixated on his stunning face as he empties himself inside of me.

He leans over me, careful to keep his full weight off, but wanting to be close.

We stay like that till our breathing evens out somewhat before he gets off me, undoing the cuffs and inspecting my wrists.

"Shit, Bella..." he says as he lets me have a look at the dark red welts from where the cuffs bit into me.

I see regret on his face and I turn to him.

"No, don't you dare, Edward."

"I hurt you..."

"No, we hurt me. I had a safe word and I didn't use it. That was...i don't have words for it...mind blowing...out of this world..."

"Yeah?" he says with that lopsided smile I will never get enough of. Like I've just told him he's won the lottery.

"Yeah," I confirm as I pull him down to me, kissing him with all the love I possess, pouring it into him, reminding him that there is no greater love on earth than ours.

"I love you, Bella, so very much," he says between planting soft kisses on my wrists before pulling me flush against him and wrapping my arm around his waist.

"Ditto," I whisper before yawning and falling into a very much needed sleep.

 **So…haha, let me know how that went…**


	35. Chapter 35

**Seems Christian…I mean Edward, was well received. Lol.**

 **B POV**

Knocking

.

.

Knocking

.

.

Fuck, go away

"Hey, lovebirds! Rise and shine!" Emmett shouts from outside.

I elbow Edward.

"He's your brother," he mumbles as he pulls the blanket over his head.

"And you're lying in bed naked with his little sister," I mumble back deviously.

As expected he groans and quickly gets up, pulling a sweatpants from his bag.

"Emmett! For fucks sake, I'm coming!" he shouts as he pulls his pants up walking towards the door.

I hide my face in the pillows as I laugh.

"About time," Emmett says as he walks in followed by his entourage.

And then a surprise walks in, his eyes scanning the room to find me. And when he does his face lights up like the fourth of July as I beam at him. He takes three steps before hopping gracefully into the air, falling down on the bed next to me. I hold onto the blankets for dear life, extremely aware of the fact that I'm naked.

He leans over and gives me a smack filled kiss before lying back on Edwards spot.

"Miss me?" Jake asks.

"Like an idiot misses the point," I laugh as I lie back too.

"Hi Bella!" Leah shouts as she walks in with a bag that Edward takes from her.

Emmett seems perplexed as I say hallo to everyone else who immediately starts busying themselves with taking breakfast ingredients out of bags and pouring glasses of orange juice and champagne chatting and laughing loudly. It's natural, it's just…us. I miss this so when I'm away at university.

"You guys are weird," Emmett says abruptly, looking to Edward and Leah. "There's not even a small part of you that gets annoyed that Jake is lying on a bed with my probably naked sister, knowing their history?"

Jake and I look at each other and burst out laughing.

Leah and Edward look at each other, smiles and shrugs and looks back at my brother.

"No," they say at the same time before heading to, the kitchen to help with breakfast.

"One weird fucking family, this one," Emmett mumbles as he grabs a beer and walks outside.

"So, how you been?" Jake asks as he sits up against the head board. The same one I was shackled to last night. Just thinking about it has me glance over at Edward, my thighs clamping beneath the sheets. He and Jasper are sparring in the small kitchen space while Rose and Alice try to push them out.

"Hold that thought," I say as I wrap the sheet around me, grab my bag and rush outside back, closing the door behind me.

I quickly jump under the shower, which I discover behind yet another semi wall, brush my teeth and get dressed in record time. When I get back to the room Jake is still exactly where he was, but now holding a beer in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other which he hands to me when I sit down next to him again.

As I reach for it he frowns. He puts his beer down next to him without looking away from me and grabs my arm, his glare fixed on my wrist.

He looks up at me, his face murderous and he's up before I know what's going on.

Oh shit! He thinks Edward hurt me. Well, he did, but I doubt that's what Jake is picturing.

I jump up and run in front of him, shoving my hands against his chest as I try to push him away.

"Jake, it's not what you think."

This is the moment everyone else realizes something is wrong.

"Bella," Edward says behind me, his voice protective and warning. He doesn't want to involve himself with me and my best friend but he can see something is seriously wrong.

Jake pushes harder against me. "Don't even fucking talk to her!" he shouts over my shoulder at Edward.

"What the fuck is your problem, man?" Edward asks. I can hear he's closer to me but I don't dare look away from Jake.

"Jake, what are you doing?" Leah asks loudly.

I grab Jake's face between my hands, somehow finding the strength to keep him at bay with my body while forcing him to look at me. God, he's angry.

"I'm begging you, not another word. Just...come with me outside, I'll explain. I swear it's not what you think. Please...you're going to embarrass me."

His body is vibrating beneath my touch, like it always does when he's beyond mad.

"Please..."

My pleading voice and imploring look does the trick because he stands back. "Outside, now," he growls as he throws Edward another murderous glare.

"Bella," Edward says behind me, sounding equally pissed.

"No, let me deal with this, please," I ask as I look at him quickly. "I'll explain later," I say softer through gritted teeth.

I lead Jake through to the bath's side because Emmett went out the front.

"Start talking Bella," Jake says as he paces to try and calm himself.

God, earth, please, swallow me whole! This is fucking embarrassing.

"Look, I'm not going to go into specifics, but...remember when we spoke about Fifty Shades on Skype?"

"What the fuck has that got to do with it?" he asks angrily as he stops and scowls at me.

I cock my head, giving him that 'think really hard, I know you can do this' look.

He stares at me for about half a minute before his irate expression turns incredulous.

"Are you fucking serious?" he asks, almost whispering. "You're shitting me."

I shrug with a smirk. "Yeah, well, you know..."

He throws his head back then and laughs that deep woodsy laugh I love so much.

"Shit, Swan, never thought you had it in you," he laughs.

"It's not _so_ funny," I say indignantly but he's still laughing.

"Oh, it's fucking hilarious."

"Jake, keep it down man, I don't want everyone to know, especially not Emmett," I hiss at him.

"Everything okay out here," Edward asks as he comes out.

Jake walks over to him, still laughing and pats him on the shoulder.

"Sorry about earlier...Mr. Grey," he snickers and walks back inside.

Edward looks at me questioningly and I hold up my wrists, which makes him catch the jab Jake just threw at him.

"Oh God," he mumbles as he rubs his hands over his face and it's my turn to laugh at his discomfort.

"Yeah, let me throw on a hoody before everyone else notices. Lucky for us the wind is blowing up a storm," I say, kissing his cheek before going back inside.

Jakes stopped laughing but when he sees me pulling on a long sleeve he starts up again.

"Jake, I swear..."

"Somebody mind filling in the rest of us?" Alice asks as she butters some more toast.

"Just a simple misunderstanding," I say sweetly and pass a laughing Jake to grab a beer, foregoing the champagne.

Fuck, this is going to be a long weekend. I think I might need something stronger than this to help me through.

Alice and Rosalie give me 'what's up' looks to which I mouth 'later' and they're clever enough to drop it.

We have a lazy rest of the morning pigging out on a huge breakfast and good company. I revel in the love surrounding us, watching Jake fit in with my family like he's been here for years. Although I've known Leah all my life, we've never been especially close because I was Sam's friend first and foremost, but watching her now, I wonder why I never went to the effort of getting to know her better sooner.

Jakes love for her is evident in the way he looks at her, how he finds any reason to touch her; however innocent the touch might be. He manages to skillfully jab comments our way about our secret and I have to laugh at Edward's blush every time, but no one else seems to notice.

"So, I vote we get our stuff to our cabins and then head out for a walk to that waterfall I saw on the website," Emmett says as he gets up.

Everyone seems to be in agreement and I start putting my trainers on when they leave.

Edward tackles me to the bed and starts tickling me. I laugh loudly as I try to squirm out from under him. He stops only when I'm breathless, bringing his hands up and knotting his fingers in my hair.

"I'm going to miss you so much," he says and I'm once again struck by how much he loves me.

"Visits, remember?" I say gently. "We can so this."

"Yeah," he says, playing it off. "I'm just being silly."

"Not silly," I disagree. "Honest. I love how you love me."

"I am quite good at it, aren't I?" he says with a smirk as he gets up.

"Cocky asshole," I mutter and he laughs at me as he starts changing.

"Emmett," I say as we all convene outside. "Give the map to Jasper."

"Why?" he asks affronted. "This was my idea."

"Yes, we know," Rosalie says as she rolls her eyes. "But we all know your map reading skills are not up to scratch. The last time you tried to lead this group we ended up frozen in the middle of a winter's night not knowing where the fuck we were. Remember that, Em? The night you had us walking around in circles in that forest?"

She watches him, hands on her hips and eye brows raised.

He sighs as he hands over the map to a laughing Jasper.

"One time," Emmett mutters. "One time and I'm still paying for it three years later."

I jog ahead to walk next to him as we start, grabbing his arm and hugging him quickly. "There, there, brother bear," I soothe. "For what it's worth, I'm on your side."

"Really?" he asks as he eyes me.

"Nah," I say laughing and jumping away as he tries to punch me.

"My own sister," he says, faking a wounded expression. "Okay Jasper, or should I say Columbus…lead the way!" he laughs.

 **Haha, how was Jake with that? Quite a bit of laughing up in the next one!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Jansails – especially for you…**

The fire is roaring outside, the orange flames licking the warm night air. Our men are sitting around it in various positions, each with a drink in hand while we're making salads.

Jasper had successfully guided us to the waterfall and we'd spent a relaxing few hours enjoying the magnificence of the cascading liquid curtain as it flowed from the mountain into the river with a constant thunderous roar.

I take my hoody off without thinking, the air humid and thick inside the cabin. I grab another tomato and start chopping.

"Oh my God," Leah says suddenly. "What the hell happened to your wrists?"

Alice and Rose look at me then also and I know I'm blushing all different shades of red right now.

"Is that why Jake freaked out this morning?" Alice asks, her nose scrunched up as she tries to figure out what the hell is going on.

"It's not what you think," I say quickly. "It's…" my voice trails off.

"Why are you blushing?" Rose asks before taking a sip of her wine, her pensive eyes on me as she waits for an answer.

"Okay, but you have to swear not to say anything to Jasper or Emmett," I whisper threateningly but suddenly I feel excited about the prospect of sharing my encounter with my own personal Christian Grey with my best friends.

"Oooh, this sounds good," Leah mewls as she refills our glasses.

"Okay, so…remember all that talk about Fifty Shades the other day?"

"You didn't!" Alice and Leah shout at once and I hush them quickly, their squeals turning into giggles.

"We did," I nod, a self-satisfying smirk on my lips.

"And?" Alice asks as she bounces up and down on her feet.

"Oh God," I moan and they can't help but laugh loudly again and this time I join them. "Edward…fuuuuuuck," I dragged the word out. "All I'm saying is, get your men to read those books!"

"No way," Leah says. "You gotta give us some details. You can't just stop there."

I notice Rose is weirdly quiet through this all, although she has a dreamy smirk on her face as she stares out the door towards my brother.

"Rose? Something you want to share with us?" I ask, which makes Alice and Leah also notice her quietness.

"I'm not sure…"

Oh, hell no! I know curiosity killed the cat, but she has to spill!

"Out with it," I urge laughing as I refill my glass.

She stares at Emmett a while longer before leaning closer to us.

"No telling?" she confirms.

"No telling," we say as one and burst into giggles again. Damn, I think we've had way too much wine.

"Talking about Fifty Shades sort of got me all worked up as well," she confesses. "Although…not in the same way as you."

I frown at her but the smile is still on my lips. "Carry on," I press.

"Well, you wanted to be dominated by Edward while I…well, I kinda wanted to dominate Emmett," she mumbles all shy like.

Leah, Alice and I stare at Rose for a few seconds, mouths agape.

"What did you do?" I ask as I glance back at Emmett and oh my God, I just want to burst out laughing so badly right now.

"Well, Emmett's always had hand cuffs in his safe with the guns, so I kinda snuck them out. I put on that red lacy shit he likes so much and my knee high black boots. And…"

"Aaaaand theeeeen?" I dragged out, barely containing my laughter.

"Well," she battles with her words. "Remember when you went through that horse riding phase of yours early high school? You never got rid of your gear; it's still in the garage. I remembered there was a riding crop in there…"

I can't contain it any longer then. My laugh literally bubbles to the surface, followed by Alice and Leah. Leah actually laughs so hard she crumbles into a giggling heap on the kitchen floor.

Rose whipping my tied up brother. Emmett…big, strong Emmett submitting to Rose in black killer boots. This was just too much.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Emmett asks from the doorway, which makes us howl rather than laugh.

He comes towards us with Edward, Jasper and Jake behind him, all of them looking like we've lost the plot somewhere.

Edward comes up behind me and pulls me back against his chest as he looks down at me. He's laughing at me because I can't seem to stop laughing and I lay my head against his shoulder as I desperately try to catch my breath.

"Where's Leah?" Jake asks on the other side of the counter and Alice sticks her hand out to her as both of them try to catch much needed breathes between laughs. Leah's creamy russet skin is flushed from hilarity and Alice is barely able to pull her up being breathless herself.

I lean forward out of Edward's embrace and grab my hoody; pulling it over again before Emmett and Jasper sees anything.

Rose glares daggers my way as I cover up, effectively hiding my submissive encounter and leaving her to fend for herself.

"Rose?" Emmett asks as he sees her looking at me. "Care to fill me in?"

"No," she says simply, staring at him in an almost…dominant way.

"I can't anymore," I crack up again, bending over, my stomach paining from all the laughter. "I need to grab some fresh air."

Alice and Leah start following me but I really lose my shit when Alice starts singing.

" _Got me looking so crazy right now…"_

Then Leah joins in.

" _Your love's got me looking so crazy right now…"_

"Fucking traitors," Rose glares our way, which makes me join in.

" _Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch got me looking so crazy right now…"_

And then Emmett gets it. He looks from us back to Rose and he's pissed.

"Really, Rose? For fuck sake's!" he shouts as he pushes his hand through his short hair.

"Can someone tell us what the fuck is going on here?" Jasper asks and Emmett immediately turns on us again.

"Don't you fucking dare, Bella," he warns, his finger pointed directly at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say innocently but still laughing. "But if you mean…"

I don't get further than that because he lunges and I turn and run through the open doorway screaming. I'm fast but with my back not one hundred percent yet and Emmett as pissed as he is, he manages to tackle me to the grass only a short distance from the fire.

He turns me and straddles me, my wrists in his strong hold above my head.

"Bella, I'm begging you," he says through gritted teeth. "You know what's going to happen if you tell Jasper and Edward that shit. Fuck, I'll never live it down."

I eventually get my laughing under control.

"Can't breathe, Em," I gasp and he slides off me, letting go of my arms.

He keeps watching me, waiting for a response.

"Aw, Em, you know I'm only joking. I'd never tell the guys that, I promise," I say as I see his worried expression.

"Not even Edward?" he asks, needed to know I'm not going to blab.

"Not even Edward, I swear."

He smiles then, shaking his head.

"Damn Rose. I can't believe she told you guys that shit."

"We're best friends Emmett. That's what girls do. Trust me, I know more about your sex life than you think," I say with a smirk as I get up.

"Don't," he says as he jumps to his feet. "I don't even want to know."

I giggle as he pulls me in to his side and we start walking back to the others who are all gathered around the fire.

"Don't be angry with her," I say softly. "She loves you so fucking much."

"Yeah, I know. Don't worry; I'll go easy on her."

"Yeah," I snort. "I'm sure you will, considering your possible punishment."

He laughs at that, smacking me upside the head in jest and I know all is forgiven.

This weekend away has certainly come with its fair share of surprises. And I'm loving it.

 **Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

 **Let me know.**

 **xo**


	37. Chapter 37

_**Three weeks later…**_

"Great game guys!" I shout over the noise at the team, but I zone in on Jake and he picks me up and twirls me around before putting me down.

"Awesome is what it was!" Tyler shouts from behind as he grabs me from Jake and picks me up in a rib clenching hug.

I stand around chatting to the group for a few more minutes before I try to slink away unnoticed.

"Bella, I thought we'd discussed this," Jake says from behind.

Busted.

"I know, Jake," I whine as I turn to him. "I just don't feel like going out without Edward."

He frowns. "Really? Or is it him not wanting you to go?"

I laugh at his unnecessary concern. "Of course not you big oaf," I say as I walk closer to him. "He keeps telling me to go and enjoy myself."

"Then what's the problem? This was the last game before we head out for the holidays…last campus party. Come one, are you really telling me you don't want to go? You know it's going to be awesome."

I consider his words. He's right. I'm being silly. I've worked really hard this year and I've been through a lot. And Edward trusts me completely, he keeps telling me to go with Jake.

"Okay," I sigh dramatically and he laughs. "But I have to go home to change."

"Me too," he says smiling that big white smile I love, the excitement of the game still evident on his face. "Let me just say goodbye, I'll meet you at the car."

0o0

I'm pulling my shoes on when my phone rings and my insides warm up when I see its Edward.

"I'm in the middle of getting dressed," I answer, sounding playfully annoyed.

"You've decided to go?"

"Yes, Jake got me to sway," I laugh. "Unless…you don't want me to."

I'm met with a snort and a chuckle.

"Of course I want you to go, Bella. This was the final game before the holidays. I remember what it was like. Just…promise me you'll be careful."

"I promise," I say as I hear the concern in his voice. "Besides, you know Jake won't let me out of his sight."

"I know. I guess it's just…I remember going to those campus parties myself and let's just say I witnessed enough crazy shit to know how quick it can get out of hand."

"Okay, I'll stick to Jake. On another note…I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I love being here, but I hate being away from you."

"I know. It's hard for me too. Just knowing I get you for almost two months with your break, that's all I can concentrate on right now."

I hear a muffled voice in the background and frown when I realize it sounds like a woman.

"Where are you?"

"At home. Why?"

"Who's with you?"

"No one."

"Okay…thought I heard someone talking," I answer frowning. I could have sworn…

"Anyway, gotta go. I'm trying to get the Jenkins plan done; he's on my case all the time. Asshole doesn't realize that he's the one holding everything up with all the changes he keeps making."

"Yeah, I heard the shower stop a while ago so Jake will probably be ready to go any minute. He's totally stoked about this win. They played a really good game."

"I'll send him a message to congratulate him. Let me know when you're home safely?"

"Will do. Love you."

"Love you too."

I'm still frowning when I put the phone down. I know Edward would never cheat on me but then why lie about a voice I am certain I heard?

Jake opens my bedroom door and I push it to the back of my mind as he walks in looking hotter than hot in faded blue jeans that look like a second skin on those gorgeous legs of his. His white t-shirt clings to his russet skin in a way that should be illegal.

"Fuck, Jake," I say laughing. "I'm gonna have to fend off girls the whole night with you looking like that."

He gives me that megawatt Jake smile. "Good. That way I know you're sticking close. Bella, what the hell you wearing?"

I look down at my jeans, faded Metallica t-shirt and chucks. "What?" I ask defensively.

"We're going to the last party of the year. You couldn't make any effort?" he asks as he walks to my closet and starts scratching around.

"Why should I? We're all just going to get wasted, what does it matter what I wear? Besides, the chances of someone messing their drink on me or getting caught in vomit splat is almost a given."

He ignores me and keeps rummaging through my closet until he finds something he likes. If I had to tell people that big jock Jake dresses me better than I can dress myself, they'll never believe me.

"Here," he says as he turns and hands me my black Billabong tee dress and Hazil Dr Martens boots. "At least you'll look like a girl instead of a tomboy," he smirks.

"Fuck off," I joke as he leaves the room and I sigh as I change. Maybe he's right. It is the last party after all. I quickly put on some make up and perfume before meeting Jake in the kitchen.

"Seeing as though you have me in this dress and I really don't feel like lugging a bag with me, put this in your pocket," I smile at him as I hand over my lip gloss and a tampon. I'm nowhere near that time of the month but this is payback for making me change and the look of horror on his face is almost too good.

"You're joking," he says as he stares at my hand and then back up to me. "There's no way I'm keeping that."

"Why? It's not like anyone is going to see it? It's either that, or I'm changing again."

He stares at it for another few seconds before grumbling under his breath and grabbing the items and sticking them in his pocket.

"The things I do for you," he mutters as we head out.

"Because you love me."

"Maybe not so much after this."

I laugh as I grab onto his hand, swinging our arms between us. "Liar."

"Yeah, whatever," he says but I see the smile tugging at his lips and I know I'm forgiven.

0o0

The frat house is pumping when we get there, the party already in full swing. Cars are parked down the street and all over the lawn. Jake pulls into the lane next to it and we make our way in.

There are people all over, in the lounge, in the kitchen and out back. We greet familiar faces as we go and Jake grabs us vodka punch before taking my hand and leading me out the back where the team are still hyped up and bragging about the game.

A few hours later I'm glad I decided to come. I've forgotten how awesome these parties were and I'm quite drunk as I dance on the wooden deck out back with Jake standing to the side with Tyler, his eyes flickering over to me now and again to make sure I'm okay.

I'm about to go over to him to take a sip of my drink when hands find purchase on my hips from behind and I turn around only to come face to face with Alistair, one of Jake's team mates that I've successfully steered clear of the entire year, regardless of his advances.

I shove his hands away but stumble slightly because of my inebriated state. "Alistair, give it a rest, will you?" I say irately and turn to leave again but he grabs my arm and spins me around and against him, his arm winding around my waist.

"Come on Bella," he whispers at my ear. "You've been teasing me the whole year. Let's just get to it."

"Alistair, what the hell do you think you're doing?" I hear Jake behind me and I smirk at Alistair's nervousness as he lets me go and takes a step back.

"You okay?" Jake asks as he pulls me closer to him, positioning me between him and Tyler, who also looks pissed as hell.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just Alistair being his usual dick self," I say as I roll my eyes.

Jake shakes his head as he rubs the back of his neck before glaring over at Alistair again. "I've told you repeatedly to leave her the fuck alone. She's not interested. Go find someone else to irritate," he says dismissively as he starts turning us around to leave.

"Fucking keep her then," Alistair sneers from behind. "Don't want your fucking sloppy seconds anyway."

My blood runs cold at his words. How stupid can you fucking be? I try to grab onto Jake's arm as he turns back but he shrugs me off easily and Tyler grabs me from behind as Jake lays a blow to Alistair's cheek. I flinch at the impact and struggle against Tyler to stop Jake, but he holds me back.

"Jake! Stop it!" I shout and as I look around I'm aware that the crowd is gathering around us to see what happens next.

I'm so sure that Alistair will walk away but he doesn't. He goes for Jake and before I know it they're seriously going at one another. Drunken cheers ring out around us as everyone cheers them on. It doesn't last long though. Alistair gets one lucky shot to Jake's ribs before he's taken down easily. He's on the floor, the front of his shirt in Jake's fist as he looms over him, his white shirt covered in blood from Alistair's nose bleed.

"This has been a long time coming," Jake sneers at him. "The whole year I've been warning you to stay away from her but you don't listen. I've tried to ignore the sexual jokes you make about her in the showers because coach would kick my ass for hurting your pretty little face, but no more. I don't give a fuck if I'm thrown off the team next year. But I'm warning you now for the last time, don't even fucking look at her again. Because if you do, this little ass whipping you just got will seem like a walk in the fucking park."

Jake shoves him down on the ground before he lets go and steps back, the student crowd cheering like crazy at his victory and he has the cocky audacity to flash them his best smile before bowing low in thanks.

Tyler lets me go and I run over to him, my arms looping around his neck as he picks me up off the ground, laughing at my ear.

"Stupid, Jake," I mumble against his neck. "Really stupid. You could have gotten hurt."

He puts me down and looks hurt at my comment. "Him? Hurt me? Really, Bella. Thought you had more faith in me than that."

I laugh as I shove at him and he takes his drink from Tyler. The crowd starts moving around again and the party resumes as if nothing has happened. I've seen many fights here before, but this is the first time Jake was involved.

Tyler pulls me into the kitchen for tequila shots and even though Jake isn't having, he stays close by. Before I know it, I'm really really drunk and giggling my ass off at Tyler's antics as I sit on the kitchen counter.

Jake's phone rings and I see his face light up like a kid on Christmas morning before he signals to me he'll be right back.

"What's up with him?" I ask Tyler as he hands me another tequila.

"He's sober," he answers and we knock them back. "That's what's wrong with him," he sniggers and I join in.

"I have to use the bathroom," I say and hop off the counter, only to lose my tequila reduced balance and Tyler's arms shoot out to catch me before I fall down face first.

"Fuck, Bella," he laughs as he tries to straighten me up while I'm gripping onto his arms for dear life. "I do believe you've had enough to drink."

"I do believe I agree with you," I hear a velvet smooth voice behind me. I whip my head around, which earns me a head spin of note, only to find Edward standing next to Jake who has Leah wrapped up in his arms.

I big ass smile breaks out on my face. "You're here…"

But that's about as far as I get before my stomach revolts violently against the amount of tequila I've drunk…and about as far as I get before said stomach expels said tequila…all over Tyler's football jacket and pristine white shirt.

Well, shit. Hasn't this turned out to be a fun night?

 **LOL, Bella hangs loose a bit at the last campus party.**

 **We're heading for the finish line…just some loose ends to wrap up.**

 **As always, I'm dying to know your thoughts, so let me have them.**

 **xo**


	38. Chapter 38

"You should have seen the look on Tyler's face," Jake laughed as Emmett shakes his head in disgust and Rose makes a choking sound. "Man, I wish I had a camera."

We arrived just in time for breakfast and Jake couldn't wait to relate my most embarrassing moment.

"Jake, I really don't want to discuss this while I'm stuffing my face with scrambled eggs," Jasper drawls and Alice and I push our plates away from us.

"What?" he asks innocently. Yeah, he has the constitution of an ox; nothing fazes him while he's eating.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't easy getting her home either," Edward says dryly. "She kept on trying to climb out the window while I was driving singing 'Just like a Pill' at the top of her voice."

"Oh," Leah pipes up as if she's just remembered the reason the sun rises and sets. "And then when you guys got back to the apartment she totally went ape on your ass about the female voice she heard in the background when she was on the phone with you. No matter how many times you told her it was me, she just wouldn't believe you."

"Okay, enough," I giggle, embarrassed as hell as I listen to their version of my drunken mishaps the night before. "And tone it down, my head is killing me."

"Self-inflicted pain, dear sister," Emmett says and I stick my tongue out at him, earning me a shrug as he shoves another piece of bacon in his mouth.

"I'll start the dishes," I say as I get up and Alice and Rosalie follow me to the kitchen.

"When are you going to tell him?" Rose asks quietly as she takes a plate from me to dry.

I glance over my shoulder at the men in my life laughing their asses off at something around the dining room table. "Today. I've made up my mind, Rose. I don't see the point in waiting to tell him. I just hope he sees it my way."

"He will," Alice says then. "It's all going to work out fine, Bella," she assures me.

I've been discussing my decision with Rose and Alice over the phone for a week now. My stomach is knotted at the possibility that I might not get the reaction out of him that I am hoping for.

As if feeling my eyes on him he glances my way too and the crooked smile he throws my way melts my insides and I'm sure I'm returning that sexy smile with a goofy grin of my own.

I feel the dish towel being taken out of my hand and look at Rosalie as she nudges me out of the kitchen. I take a deep breath and nod her way before walking over to Edward. His hand automatically reaches for mine and I tug on it gently as I reach his chair.

"Up for a walk?" I ask nervously. I bite my lip as I wait for his answer, a slight frown now creasing his forehead.

"He just ate," Emmett says exasperated. "Give the guy a break."

But Edward just smiles and gets up, leading us out the front door and across the road onto the beach.

The sun is already baking down and we stroll hand in hand into the shallow water and then towards the Bluff.

"You okay?" he asks after a while of silence as he looks down at me.

"Yes. I mean, yeah, I am for now."

He stops us and I look up at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks uncertainly. "Talk to me."

I stare down at our feet in the cool ocean water for a few seconds before he takes my hand in his.

"I'm thinking of not going back to university."

There, I said it.

There's a few seconds silence before he speaks. "Were you thinking of finishing your degree online?"

My eyes shoot up to meet his. I'm sure I look pretty much shocked right now.

"What?" he asks defensively.

"You're not going to fight me on this?"

It dawns on him then that I've been scared to tell him. That this is the choice he took away from me not so long ago.

His gaze softens and is somewhat pained when he cups my face in his hands and leans in to kiss me gently against first my one cheek and then the other. "Oh Bella," he murmurs into my hair before pulling up again and he locks our eyes once more. "I think we've already established that you're quite capable of making decisions for yourself. If this is what you want to do, I'll support you."

The strain I've been carrying around for several days wash away with the cool water licking at my feet.

"I've looked at a few online options, but I'm not quite sure which one to take," I admit. There are so many correspondence degrees and research the past week has only made me confused.

He chuckles at my frowned expression and kisses me quickly before taking my hand and resuming our walk.

"We can take a look at it later, okay?"

"Okay."

We take a few steps before I pull him back again.

"You're sure you're okay with this?" I ask skeptically.

Edward throws his head back and laughs and I feel a smile creep onto my face.

"What's not to be okay about?" he asks before bending down and pressing his lips to mine in a not so chaste kiss. "I get to have you with me twenty four seven," he murmurs at my jaw before nipping me just below my ear. "Can't get any better than that, can it?" he whispers just before gently sucking on my pulse at my neck. "We're together, Bella. Nothing is more important to me than that."

I can't help but wrap my arms around his neck and pull his mouth to mine again because in this moment, right here, all the emotions from the last long months come rushing back and it almost takes my breath away. The hurt, the disappointment, the aching, the forgiveness, the love…the evolution of our relationship that has made us that much stronger.

He starts pulling back the moment he tastes my tears but I latch onto him, keeping him against me and over me and inside of me because that's exactly where he belongs. And he lets me. He lets me open myself up and swallow him whole and then he lets me lock him up inside my heart where he's always been.

"Don't cry," he whispers against my lips and I smile against his mouth.

"Happy tears," I say softly and then I let him pull me against his chest and I rest my head over his heartbeat.

"I love you, Bella. I always have."

"Just like me," I reply simply as I stare down the beach encased in Edward's arms.

I've tried to make sense of everything that's happened. The way Edward hurt me. The way I reacted, my subsequent actions. I've come up empty handed. And I guess that's part of life. Sometimes we're led through trials and tribulations. Sometimes life is so sweet it almost feels unreal. Sometimes we lose people we love, like my dad. And sometimes people come into your lives that just make us better somehow, like Jake.

And standing here with Edward like this, being so strong together after what we've been through, I'm not questioning it anymore.

Because if I had to go back and do it all over again, I'd do it in a heartbeat if it meant I'd end up standing with him again just like we are now.

There's no place else I'd rather be. And that will never change.

 **Sorry for the wait guys, have been sick and it's been hectic at work.**

 **Hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

 **As always, let me know.**

 **xo**


	39. Chapter 39

**Last chapter guys…**

 _ **Six weeks later**_

I'm standing in my 'old' room at our house. There's hardly anything left after I've moved everything over to Edward. My bed is accompanied only by the study table and chair in the corner next to the wardrobe. I've never been one for posters against my wall yet somehow today, the walls seem barer than they've ever been.

"You okay?" Emmett asks from behind before he wraps his huge arms around me and I lean back against him as I grab his hands in mine around my waist.

"Yeah," I sigh. "Just feels weird."

"You can always change your mind." I snort at this as I turn in his arms and even though I know he's made peace with me moving in with Edward, there's still a small part of him that wishes it wasn't happening.

"I know I can," I say for what seems like the millionth time. "But I'm not going to. You know this."

He rolls his eyes just like he's done every time before. "I know…I know. Forgive your brother for one last attempt."

I hug him to me and he squeezes the breath from my chest as usual but this time I don't complain, I let him do it because he knows no other way to hug me than this and I'll always love it.

"Remember," I say as I lead us out of the bedroom with my bag slung across my shoulder containing a few last odds and ends. "I'm just around the corner if you need anything."

"Don't say the word 'anything'," Rose reminds me with a smile as she links arms with me and we walk out to Edward's truck. "You know he'll be phoning you for the silliest things just to get you to come down."

"I will do no such thing," Emmett says indignantly behind us.

"Yes, you will," Rose and I say in unison and we burst out laughing while Emmett huffs behind us.

"Enjoy your first evening at Edward's," Rose says as she hugs me.

"Rose, I've been there all holiday. It's not like this is anything new."

"Yes, but you're _officially_ moved in now. It's gotta be different somehow, right?"

"Maybe," I shrug. "I'm just glad it's done. If moving one room is this hard work, I don't want to know what moving an entire house is like," I grumble as I get in and start the engine.

"See you guys later…tomorrow…whenever," I shout as I reverse.

"What do you mean 'whenever'?" Emmett shouts back. I don't answer, I just laugh.

"Shut it now you big Oaf," Rosalie sniggers his way as she swats his shoulder.

I'm going to miss the banter between them. Knowing I'm not that far away makes it easier.

With Edward and the University Guide, I managed to find the perfect online course to finish my degree. Edward and I are working on some ideas to add to the main house. He has his home office but we've both agreed it just won't work having both of us in the small space, so he's insisted on adding a loft to the house, which will be my study room. Even though I'm upset about the money he's spending, I really can't wait to have my own space with the perfect view of the ocean and the roof of my old house.

Jake and Leah are going strong. Jake wasn't particularly thrilled about my choice, but he's better now that Leah has sort of moved in with him full time. We've agreed that they will come down to us and we will go up to them every alternate weekend if life permits. So far, the arrangement is going great.

As I pull into Edward's driveway he comes wandering out shirtless and I'm momentarily stunned by just how lucky I am to call him mine. I don't think a day will ever come that I don't realize over and over again just how beautiful he is inside and out.

"Checking me out again?" he asks with a smirk, pulling me from my reverie and I smirk back at him as I get out and he grabs my bag from the back.

"You wish," I giggle as he pulls me into his side and we make our way inside.

"Is this the last of it?" he asks hopefully.

I nod. "Yes, that's it. I'm officially yours."

He bends down as he drops the bag and before I know it my legs are wrapped around his waist and he's kissing the shit out of me as he walks up the stairs and to our bedroom.

"You've been mine for a very long time," he notes as he puts me down in front of the bed. He doesn't waste any time as his hands find the hem of my sundress and he pulls it swiftly over my head.

"I know," I answer breathless as he rids me of my underwear before I have the pleasure of watching him liberate that glorious body of his from the confines of his jean. "But now I'm all moved in. It's going to be more difficult to get rid of me now."

His hands run up my sides and I shiver as his one hand finds my breast before his other continues its' course until he's cradling my cheek and his mouth is on mine again.

I can't help but moan as his fingers pinch and roll my nipple between them and his kisses continue down my chin and down my throat before moving back up and finding that spot below my ear he knows is my undoing.

"Edward…" I whimper as his hand moves between my legs, finding me ready and willing as always.

"Always so ready…" he groans as he pushes me back and sits on his knees between my legs, pushing my knees back over my stomach as he lines himself up with me.

"I can't help it," I say as I try to move my hips towards him, but he only pushes on my legs a little more, keeping me where he wants me.

"I love you," he murmurs then and I look back up to the almost transparent green of his eyes, the emotional gaze of his that breaks me apart yet puts me together at the same time. The one that says so much more to me than any words can.

"I love you too."

"Welcome home," he whispers as he sinks into me and as always, I get lost in him.

 _Home_. This home. His home. Our home. It doesn't matter where we live, because home to me is wherever he is.

Edward lets go of my legs and I relish in the weight of him on top of me as we move in perfect sync. Even though we know each other so well, it never gets boring…it never gets old…and we both know it never will.

As usual, it doesn't take long for me to get to the point when I feel my orgasm building fast and furiously and he feels it.

"Already Bella?" he asks surprised. Now that I think of it, it is a lot quicker than usual.

But I can't form a coherent sentence as he wraps my one leg around his waist, opening me up that much more so that he's so deep it's almost unreal.

Warmer…warmer…closer…closer…aaah…there it is…

I lose my breath for a few seconds as my insides melt along with my mental capacity as pleasure pulses through my veins, my body taught and tense as I ride out the delicious storm.

"Fuuuck," he growls as I squeeze him from the inside out and he keeps my gaze as he comes, meeting me somewhere between heaven and hell…a limbo we reach when we're together like this, one that's untouchable to everyone except us.

I giggle as he falls down next to me, pulling me onto his chest.

"What's so funny?" he asks gasping.

"That didn't take very long, did it?" I say and the look on his face makes me burst into full blown laughter, which he joins into soon enough.

"Making fun of my abilities?" he asks jokingly as he brushes the hair from my face.

"Not at all," I laugh before I crawl up his chest and kiss his perfect lips. "That was…perfect."

He regards me for a moment before he answers. "It always is, isn't it?"

"Every time."

"And it always will be," he answers. It's not a question. It's a statement. And it's the truth.

I nod before kissing him again slowly and longingly because even though I've just had my fill of him, it will never be enough.

And when I straddle him without breaking our kiss I can feel he's right there with me.

"Ready for round two?" he asks with a cheeky grin as he lifts his hips against mine.

Is that even a question?

"Oh yeah, I'm ready," I reply before we get lost in each other again.

 **So, major thanks to everyone who stuck it out with me through this journey. As you all know, my husband passed away during this one and I'm proud of myself that the promise I made to finish it has not been broken.**

 **Thank you to all of you, truly, your good wishes, the friendships formed, the unwavering support and just being there for me when I needed you, but most of all, thank you for reading and always letting me know what you think.**

 **Much love and many hugs and kisses!**


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